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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a primary school to take DS his packed lunch

108 replies

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 17:38

Name change as DS' school monitors MN ( I am not kidding). Today DS9 forgot his packed lunch so I took it to school at 9:30. Fast forward to just now when I picked him up, his class teacher spoke to me to make me aware that at 1pm ( 10 mins before lunch finished) his food was still in the office so he hadn't eaten much as there wasn't enough time left. She also kindly informed me that she had explained to him he needed to eat his lunch for energy even if he says he's not hungry ( He didn't say the reason he wasn't hungry was because he now felt sick - I'm not surprised!) I knew full well the reason he hadn't eaten was because he had put down for a packed lunch but then realised at lunchtime he actually didn't have any food so had just gone and sat outside and been too worried to ask ( this has happened before) my gripe is that this school refuse to take anything brought in by parents to a child that has forgotten it - Even food! The teacher said he was told it was in the office but he is adamant he wasn't told and actually if you think logically - had he known - when he realised he had no lunchbox he would have gone and got it. The teacher refused to accept anything I said and when I pointed out that every other school I know delivers stuff to the child's class she said it's the child's responsibility to remember their belongings. AIBU to be upset that they didn't take a 9yo his packed lunch. If not what do I do now? Leave it and seem like a ranty parent ( I wasn't shouty but was quite direct and did not back down or accept her reasoning) or do I write to the HT and clearly explain why it wasn't acceptable?

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SoupDragon · 25/05/2017 18:08

There are always people (staff, obviously!) wondering about the school building during the day. It's not really hard to send a lunch bag to a class or even a message to tell the child to collect it.

If the childldoesnt know it has been brought in, how are they meant to know to collect it? are some posters' children psychic or something?

Sisinisawa · 25/05/2017 18:08

It sounds an awful school. Ours would deliver the lunch to them.

lougle · 25/05/2017 18:08

Oh that's sad I'm sure there was time for someone to pop along with it! It only takes a minute. Or if they wanted to make the point of making him collect it, they could have gone to the classroom to inform him that he must collect it. To do nothing with it just sat there is irresponsible and uncaring.

Nutrition is a welfare matter and I'm sure they would be logging it if a parent wasn't supplying lunch for a child .

sashh · 25/05/2017 18:11

The teacher said he was told it was in the office but he is adamant he wasn't told and actually if you think logically - had he known - when he realised he had no lunchbox he would have gone and got it

Well logically when he realised it was missing he should have told an adult.

Believeitornot · 25/05/2017 18:11

Maybe you need to work on the reasons why your ds was afraid to ask... putting it down to anxiety - ok but we all have anxious feelings sometimes. It's how we deal with them that is important.

Otherwise what happens if it is something more serious? He has to learn to deal with those feelings.

I get very anxious about stuff but make myself do it. My dcs get anxious about stuff and I support them by modelling overcoming those feelings. And on occasion I give them a gentle nudge.

I would have a quick word with the teacher and say what should ds have done. Then I would repeat this in front of ds and the teacher so that your ds knows he can ask in future. Some kids are terrified of their teachers so need that reinforcement.

I've forgotten my dcs lunch before. It was my fault. So you kind of have to take a bit of responsibility that you messed up and not fully displace your annoyance on to the school.

PodgeBod · 25/05/2017 18:11

It's been a long time since I was in primary school, but how did it escape their attention that he had no food until lunchtime was almost over? Did they not realise that he was sitting outside by himself whilst everyone else was eating?

Witchend · 25/05/2017 18:12

I've a 9yo and I would be telling him that he should have thought logically and either spoken to his class teacher or gone and spoken to the office rather than sitting there starving as soon as he'd realised that he'd forgotten.

Tupperwarelid · 25/05/2017 18:17

We don't deliver lunches but the midday supervisors check each child has something to eat so if a child isn't sure would send them to the office to see if anything had been brought in and if not got them a school dinner

Original poster

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 18:19

STDG yes they have lied previously if they feel they may be accused of doing something wrong but I suppose it is possible he didn't hear. However he is adamant he wasn't told and had no reason to lie, he would have just said to me yeah I forgot.

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Original poster

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 18:25

Can we just address the 'why didn't he ask a teacher' issue again. The school are very strict and not very caring or accepting of dozy 9yo boys who put down the wrong thing for lunch. They get told off and have their names put in the behaviour book which gets tallied up and on the third occasion they are kept in at lunch. He didn't tell a teacher because he didn't want to get told off

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CrazedZombie · 25/05/2017 18:25

Our school delivers anything you take. Last time it snowed there were about 10 parents who'd brought in snow boots and wellies so their child wasn't kept in at playtime.

harderandharder2breathe · 25/05/2017 18:27

They should have told him it was there so he could collect it

But I absolutely would expect a 9 year old to tell a teacher or other member of staff that he hadn't got any lunch.

SasBel · 25/05/2017 18:28

Sounds horrible, our school do deliver forgotten lunches and swim kits
Bit drastic, but if the school is not nurturing or even feeding your DC could your change schools?

harderandharder2breathe · 25/05/2017 18:28

And he should realise that yes he might get told off but surely it's better to get told off and have lunch than not eat!

Original poster

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 18:33

believeitornot he doesn't have anxiety at all he didn't want to be told off. I did speak to the teacher but she refused to accept that the reason he had no lunch was because he didn't want to ask so what use would her advice be then? And I didn't forget his lunch I made it and left it by the door for him to take, he forgot, my anger is not displaced at the school. It's pretty perfectly placed - they were in loco parentis and my son was not given his food!

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TwoFs · 25/05/2017 18:33

Our school office asks if the child knows to come and collect as they don't have time to deliver we everything. But a couple of times I've been honest and said I'm not sure, they'll take things in those circumstances. We've had a chat at home and said, if anything is forgotten at home, go to the office first and check if I've brought it in. I'd expect them to take a lunch box though. Hopefully your ds will know for next time and won't be put through this again

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/05/2017 18:34

@MadAsFluff - if he didn't hear them, then he's not lying by saying they didn't tell him - as far as he is concerned, it's the truth - it would be an honest mistake, not a lie.

But since the school has form for dishonesty, he may well be right and they didn't tell him.

Original poster

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 18:36

sasBel yes we have looked at moving him ( we did remove his older brother) but not sure it would be for the best. We are not however sending DS there in September. She is going to a lovely school much like the sounds of crazedzombie's school

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AnUnhappyStudent · 25/05/2017 18:38

My DD is 10 and would not tell anyone she had not eaten. She has anxiety and would rather go hungry than ask for something to eat. If this had happend to her I would be bloody livid. You did the right thing in challenging it. Those who say at 9 he should know to speak up, please remember that not all children are the same!

Original poster

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 18:39

TwoFs excellent idea I will say the same to DS

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Original poster

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 18:40

I meant DD is not going there in September

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witsender · 25/05/2017 18:42

How big is the school? Our old school would have dropped it in to class no problem.

2ducks2ducklings · 25/05/2017 18:46

I work in a school office and I can't explain how irritating it is to have to take the same lunch boxes to the same children every single day. Why don't these parents send their kids in with the right food/kit etc. Obviously I've read that in your case it was a one off though.
I'd absolutely love it if our school adopted the policy of making anyone in year 3 or above go to the office to collect their forgotten belongings, but I know it'll never happen in our school because they genuinely believe the children aren't capable of this.
I would have expected a child of 9 to be able to tell someone he hadn't eaten though.

YesMilk · 25/05/2017 18:48

YANBU

What kind of school would just leave a child's lunchbox sitting in the office, knowing that they had nothing to eat. Either run it down to the classroom or call and ask the child to collect.

It's not difficult.

isadoradancing123 · 25/05/2017 18:50

Omg! Can't believe this, he is 9. He has the rest of his life to be grown up about things, someone should have told him his lunch was in the office

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