I need a good old fashioned MN dressing down

[Givemeasterntalkingto]

I have a shameful tale to confess....
A prolonged flirtation with an extremely hot tradesman who had been working in my house. Husband is a good man who I love but always at work. Nothing physical has gone on, just lots of extremely flirtatious texting and lots of time spent sitting around chatting (instead of him working).

The job was finally finished last week and we both decided we needed to stop the texting. Bloody hard though, he's extremely hot, just my type totally. Dark, beardy and body like Becks in his heyday. Feel completely overtaken by carnal desire - so am not making good decisions really.

We've had no contact for 5 days (after speaking virtually every day either in person or by text) for 2 months, and I'm going stir crazy.
Obviously it's a "bad idea" to text him but I am weakening and need a right royal roasting on Planet Mumsnet. In my heart I know that I've been leading all of this and he's just been responding (he isn't married), which is making me feel very undeserving of my lovely husband and generally like a bit of a lowlife for letting it get so far.

[roselondoner]

Maybe it's time to reassess the marriage? This would be a red flag for me. Hth!!

[Bubblesdays]

I am frustrated that I'm not deleting the number bit

Just delete it, do you really dislike and have such little respect for your husband that your actually going to keep it on your phone?
The builder doesn't care about you. He was killing some time on a job.
Are you really going to throw away your marriage for that

[DonaldJBottyburp]

You've got to stop this. We all make mistakes but it's where you end up that matters - why don't you end up doing the right thing and moving on, rather than something that will make your marriage and your life together a lie at a fundamental level, and make you feel like a piece of dirt for doing it (even if you think it won't).

[ExplodedCloud]

Come on. Delete it. Maybe we can be a tiny bit nicer when you have

[PoorYorick]

I think you should send naked pics to his phone every hour, on the hour, day and night. Then videos of yourself using your favourite vibrator. Then you should send him some roadkill, with a note saying, "Unlike this animal, my love for you will never die."

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

[Pinkheart5917]

I am frustrated that I'm not deleting the number

What is stopping you?

Say to yourself "I love my dh and won't treat him this way" then push delete, it's that easy

[PoorYorick]

I'm a chronic drunk texter.

OP, I really don't mean to be unkind, but there is just no excuse for that over the age of maybe 30, absolute tops, at a stretch. You're 44? Enough already.

[LaundryFairy]

Deleting texts and blocking his number will make you feel slightly less than shitty for the first time since this began. Think of how that could feel and then just do it. And breathe a sigh of relief.

[Waltermittythesequel]

Out of interest, what 20% am I wrong on?

[StatelessPrincess]

You are disrespecting your husband (to put it mildly) and also yourself. Get a grip woman! He sounds sleazy and like he does this all the time and you sound like a 15 year old, I'm sure you're better this really and I'm sure your husband deserves better too. Have a cold shower and think about your wedding day!

[purplepepper1]

Well you asked for it didn't you?
I agree with everyone else-I was in a situation that could have turned similiar-hot workman,flirting with me-sent me a FB msg-BUT I realised how silly it all was-He was just massaging his ego and probably did the same every job he had with a female he liked the look of!
I love my partner and he is worth more than a quick fuck or flirty messages,stuff like that never ends well!
Do yourself a favour and delete the number and all messages(but you probably have deleted those already I bet! would not want Hubby seeing em!)
Like some others have rightfully said-he is not bothered over you-he has not text has he?
And if he does I bet its after a drunken night!!
Met so any players like he sounds

[The80sweregreat]

Delete the number of this bloke. it wont end well if you don't.

[JollySmelly]

You know you're not the only 'bored housewife of wherever' he's doing this with right? You're probably the butt of horrendous misogynistic jokes down the pub when he's drinking with his mates. Please - do not be that person. Get some dignity. Have a cold shower. And DO delete his number etc.

[Givemeasterntalkingto]

Yorrick oh I don't know about that. I do some of my best work when I'm pissed ...!

I think some of the "ought to know better at your age" stuff is fair and true, but because I've been with my husband for so long my life experience is a bit more limited than some.

And he flirted with me first, by the way, but yes I completely get that's his M.O.

[Givemeasterntalkingto]

Bored ... yes

Housewife ... no

[Lottapianos]

OP, you have to just stop. Just stop it. Delete his number and occupy your mind with thinking about how you're going to get your marriage back on track.

And seriously, move on from the drunk texting

[GiantDuckRampage]

And he flirted with me first, by the way, but yes I completely get that's his M.O.

So? He's not the married one, you're not forced to flirt back with someone.

[SaucyJack]

Just put this one down as another life experience to cross off the list.

It was a bit of fun is all. By all means store it in the wank bank- just DON'T take it any further.

At best you'll make a fool off yourself if he knocks you back.
The worst doesn't even bear thinking about.

[SaucyJack]

*of yourself

Because my grammar is what's important here.

[Givemeasterntalkingto]

WalterMitty ...not completely convinced he didn't give a shit about me. That's the 20%. Not that it matters now.

[Waltermittythesequel]

You really are far too old to be drunk texting, regardless of how many men you've slept with, which is what I assume you refer to when you mention being with your dh a long time.

A lot of men flirt. He flirts with everyone, I'd imagine.

Some are desperate enough to think he means something by it, thus feeding his ego.

Most are hopefully sensible enough to know it means fuck all.

[MatildaTheCat]

Spend a few minutes truly thinking about your life in one year or month from now, after your dh finds out you are a lying cheat. You may well have to move out of your renovated home into a tiny flat without your DC. You will be alone and all your friends and family will be shocked and disgusted at your behaviour. Your ex dh will not be amicable or make life easy, your DC may hate you for what you have done.

The alternative is to pick up your phone NOW and delete his number.

You choose.

[Waltermittythesequel]

GiveMe if he gave a shit about you, how many times has he contacted you to ask you to change your mind...?

[Givemeasterntalkingto]

Yes someone said, can't remember which one of you absolute razor tongued bitches () said it, "I'm not sure what you want to happen here".

That is exactly the thing I'm struggling with a bit in my more cogent moments. The endgame.

Anyway, you've done some good work here tonight Mumsnet...

[SailAwaySailAwaySailAway]

Hmm.
I misread the title and came on to make sure you didn't mean housecoat.

Don't embarrass yourself any further. Or burst your bubble by telling your husband.