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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put her in afterschool club every single day?

46 replies

Ineedbenandjerrys · 24/05/2017 21:13

Have namechanged.
I'm a lone parent with father not on the scene and very limited help from family/friends. I've just accepted a new job that means working fulltime 8.30-5 Mon-Fri. My DD is starting school in September so this means she'l have to go to breakfast and afterschool club every single day and I will never ever be able to pick her up or drop her off at normal school times. I've not even started the job and I'm now feeling so guilty like I've made a huge mistake :(
Currently I work 3 days a week which suits me perfectly but it isn't at all in the field I'm qualified in and is minimum wage. The position I've accepted is exactly what I want to be doing/am qualified in and good progression opportunities.

Have I made a mistake?

OP posts:

CruCru · 24/05/2017 21:15

No! Please don't feel guilty. You are doing the best you can for your child.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 24/05/2017 21:17

Not at all. She'll be fine. You're setting her a great example. The dad who pissed off should be the one feeling guilty.

beanzmeanzheinz · 24/05/2017 21:17

No you haven't made a mistake and well done on the new job! You will be busy and it will be tough going to make sure you drop off and pick up on time but you will do it... it's what I do also.
I'm often a bit frazzled and look like scraggy Maggie by the time i get to work but keep a hairbrush and lippy in your bag and you will be fine!
Just make sure you both get enough down time and rest in the evenings and a good nights sleep. Good luck x

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 24/05/2017 21:17

I did it with mine.

They don't appear damaged, emotionally stunted or in prison

Confusedainttheword · 24/05/2017 21:17

Do not feel guilty, I work those hours my child does breakfast and after school club and I'm in the same situation as well. I know how you feel but never feel guilty for providing for yourself and your child.

Cindbelly · 24/05/2017 21:17

DS did similar for years and loved being able to play with his friends everyday after school.
He also regularly tells me that breakfast club is better then breakfast at home.
Don't feel guilty at all, you're doing your best

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 24/05/2017 21:18

No no no ! She will be fine . Please don't torture yourself and well done OP - superwoman single mothers are I say x

user76895432 · 24/05/2017 21:19

No you haven't. I'm also a LP and have a Reception age DD. She has gone to breakfast club every day since she started school. It's fine and she's not the only one in her class who goes every day. My childminder picks her up at the end of the day though which I think is nice as she can chill in a home environment until I can collect her. After school club can be a bit hectic! Is that a possibility for you?

SkeletonSkins · 24/05/2017 21:19

Honestly lots of them do it and it's fine. Have you thought about a childminder though? Sometimes they'll do tea so it's one less thing for you to sort after a long day, and means they still get to leave at the same time as the other children.

QueenofLouisiana · 24/05/2017 21:20

DS did the same until yr5 when he could walk himself to my school and wait for me to finish work.

He seems to have survived the experience.

ittooshallpass · 24/05/2017 21:20

Don't feel guilty. You're doing what you have to do. My DD goes to breakfast club and afterschool club every day too.

I do feel very isolated from school life... but in all honesty when I hear what goes on at the school run with some of the mums I'm glad I'm not there!

GU24Mum · 24/05/2017 21:21

No need to feel guilty at all. On a practical level, is breakfast and after-school club the best option as they won't neessarily cater for the odd early finish at the end of term/inset days/days when your daughter is ill and the bits of the holidays when there are no holiday clubs running. Is an au pair (I know they come with their own issues sometimes..) feasible?

Notthisnotthat · 24/05/2017 21:21

We use breakfast and after school care, and my DD loves it, I once arrived early to pick her up to be told that she wanted to finish her craft and could I come back later.

Congrats on the new job.

Captainj1 · 24/05/2017 21:22

My son is now in year 1 and from reception he has begged to go to after school club. He loves it - and they do his homework with him so it is a win-win as once he is home it is family time. Don't feel guilty you are showing her a great example.

placeforeverything · 24/05/2017 21:23

How old is she? I wish I had been around more when mine was little and not worked so much. Lone parent too. You never get the time back, choose what is right for both of you. How does she feel about it?

MooPointCowsOpinion · 24/05/2017 21:23

My daughter once snuck in to after school club because she was jealous that everyone else got to go and she didn't. It looked super fun every day she told me!

Congratulations on the new job. You deserve a career and your dd will be fine!

Flobster · 24/05/2017 21:23

I went to breakfast and afterschool club every day - loved it! My mum was a single parent (dad was around but went to his every other weekend) and a family member would often take me home after afterschool club too, as my mum had to commute. I know she felt guilty but it was what she had to do and if anything, I now admire what a strong, hard-working woman she is.

Your DD will he fine and make loads of friends

placeforeverything · 24/05/2017 21:23

What about school holidays?

fanfrickintastic · 24/05/2017 21:24

DS has been in nursery 7.45 - 4.45 5 days a week since he was 12months old. When he goes to school he'll go to breakfast club and after school club every day too. I don't feel guilty. We can't afford for me not to work full time. You do what you have to to put food on the table and a roof over your head.

MarciaBlaine · 24/05/2017 21:24

Nope. Mine did this and was perfectly fine. She enjoyed spending time with her friends after school. If I would say anything it would be that the last year of Primary/first year of secondary she needed ME a bit more. Hormones, stresses, change etc. Fortunately, by this point, had the flexibility from my employer

PalacePalacePalace · 24/05/2017 21:25

Don't feel guilty. You're doing an amazing thing. Building a career, earning money, providing for your child, showing her a good work ethic, and being a single parent. Hats off to you.

My dc are in asc 5 days a week. They both say it's the best part of the day!

user76895432 · 24/05/2017 21:25

What about school holidays?

My DCs school runs a holiday club and there are council play schemes as well.

NameThatPrune · 24/05/2017 21:25

Was just coming on to say we do the same here, but using a childminder either side of the day so it's more chilled and more of a homey contrast from being at school, which is really knackering for them in reception. My reception DC is young in the year though, yours may be older and more up for a longer day.

wheresthel1ght · 24/05/2017 21:26

Honestly it will be fine.

My only word of caution would be check with the staff school that they have a breakfast/after school club, the times it runs & that they will take reception age. We are having horrible trouble with schools and having to go to appeals as TV e allocated school does not allow reception age to attend and there is zero alternative childcare in my village. I am lucky that dp is present and a great dad but he works perm nights so when he is working we have no one to look after dd.

LindyHemming · 24/05/2017 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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