To put her in afterschool club every single day?

[Ineedbenandjerrys]

Have namechanged.
I'm a lone parent with father not on the scene and very limited help from family/friends. I've just accepted a new job that means working fulltime 8.30-5 Mon-Fri. My DD is starting school in September so this means she'l have to go to breakfast and afterschool club every single day and I will never ever be able to pick her up or drop her off at normal school times. I've not even started the job and I'm now feeling so guilty like I've made a huge mistake :(
Currently I work 3 days a week which suits me perfectly but it isn't at all in the field I'm qualified in and is minimum wage. The position I've accepted is exactly what I want to be doing/am qualified in and good progression opportunities.

Have I made a mistake?

I used to work in after school club. Lots of 4 year olds were in 8am - 6pm 5 days a week. They do get tired but quickly get used to it and the kids are fine, well socialised and happy. They also like the routine and get to mix with children of different ages. You are doing the best thing by working in your chosen profession. Go for it.

Also, my reception aged DS asks for me to get a job because he desperately wants to go to afterschool club!

Did you request part time hours? If so and you got it turned down then you could make the request again after being in the job for a while.
If not, you could try requesting part time hours?

Please don't feel guilty, you are doing an amazing job single-handedly.

I have a friend in a similar position, except she has three 6 and under. The eldest has to go to after school care every day, and the two little ones are at day care.

Might it be worth looking around for a local baby-sitter, maybe a student looking for some work? S/he could maybe pick her up from school one day a week to help out.

That's what my friend does, and it works really well.

Oh and yes the CM does their tea so that helps- once home they just have snack, bath, then bed.

My dd did it every day from reception to y5 when she started walking home alone. She's perfectly fine, it hasn't done her any harm at all, she's 17 now and I can't see any difference between her and her friends who had parents picking them up from primary school.

Dd2 goes to a childminder, as it just seemed to make sense to keep her with the same cm she's had since she was 6 months. Nothing against the breakfast/after school club, just a continuity thing.

Ditch the guilt, enjoy your new job, carry on doing your best as a parent.

That's perfectly normal- it's the point of after school clubs! Congratulations on your new job

Thank you all so much!!! I was expecting lots of mixed responses. Feeling a lot more positive now. I just really hope she likes it and doesn't grow up thinking I put my career before her. Childminders/au pair aren't really an option for me purely because I wouldn't be able to afford it. Holidays are sorted- 1 day a week she can go to her grandads and fortunately her current nursery do a holiday scheme as well (just expensive but can sort out). Eeek scared! But it is nice to hear I'm not the only person in this position.

Ds1 (5) goes to breakfast club twice a week while I work and he really enjoys it. He asks every morning if it's a breakfast club morning. He also loves it because the teachers, including the head, run the club and it's a big deal that 'the boss guy' makes him breakfast!! I only work two days and if the school had an after school club ds would do that too. Your dd will love it and will also get to make friends from other year groups which is a big thing for a reception child! They love having the 'big' girls and boys as their friends.
You need to have this job to find your identity again, in a professional capacity, that is! Good luck with the new job and I'm sure dd will get used to the routine and be fine.

I do the same. I'm a LP and drop my kids off at the childminders at 7.15am every morning and then collect from Afterschool club at 5.15pm. They are long days and I feel guilty but the kids seem fine and unharmed by the whole process. I am lucky that I get school holidays and weekends off and just try my best to make the most of them.

Dd1 has been in breakfast & afterschool club since half-term of first term.
She loves it especially breakfast club. Wants to go even if I'm going to a school event at 9am!
Do check transition arrangements with the school though, and availability.
We had a staggered start which lasted 3 weeks & weren't allowed to use breakfast & asc til they were settled.

I think you'll be surprised the amount of mums and dads you see using the breakfast club and afterschool clubs! It's 100% more rushed than normal pick up and drop offs though.

I would try and make friends with a few parents in the limited time you get (maybe get 10 mins earlier if you can) as I've had parents ask me (and have relied on occasion) for someone to let my son in when they're running late.

Check who it's run by, our breakfast club is ran by a few lads who do the football club after school, great guys but not great at being on time at 7.45.

Also, take into consideration rush hour traffic when picking up from clubs, know your route as they can end up charging you extra if you are late, ours is an hour charge for anything past 15 minutes late. 15 minutes is a pretty good grace period though.

Also, find out what your breakfast club offer. After a few weeks I found out my son was only getting one slice of toast with butter OR jam, never both and nothing else. No cereals / protein bars / fruit or anything....they didn't have many kids at that time so I was feeding him fruit in the car on the way. Luckily they offer much more now.

Not being a downer just things I wish I knew from the start!

Good luck, don't feel no guilt from being the provider for your child! Xx

My Mum worked 8.30 to 6 everyday.. by the time I got home. It was fine. PRetty normal really. Great for you to have a job in your field and feel you are making progress also if your child is an only anyway they will probably enjoy the company before and after school. You can still have supper together every night. Enough time but not too much time together. Perfect! Well done! She won't seem so young for long!

Don't feel guilt she will love it

If you were picking her up at end of school day all you will get is who are we seeing where are we going and then 10 minutes of moaning when an arrangement hasn't been made

And as she gets older she will probably do her homework in the after school club this has helped ds

She will be absolutely fine

I so needed to read this thread. I am not a LP but my OH works long and inflexible hours (driving), and I have been wracked with guilt about the prospect of DD being in breakfast ans after school everyday as she will only been 4yrs & 5 weeks when she starts (so little, waaaaaah). This thread has strengthened my resolve!

Childminders arent massively expensive for wrap around care. As a LP you may alao be able to claim back a good chunk if your childcare bill, wage depending.

We have lots of reception children that do this, they've made friends with some of the older children, are happy and confident and get to sit and eat breakfast calmly unlike classmates that are often stuffing down some toast on the way in. She will be fine and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

I've used breakfast and after school clubs a LOT with my DC. Always worked well but, you know, couldn't help feeling I ought to be there a bit more for them.

So I managed to persuade work to let me do fewer hours and work more flexibly as I wanted to be able to do a couple of pick-ups a week, especially as DS2 was starting school as a very young (developmentally as well as just being summer baby) 4yr old.

Older kids said they'd rather stay at after school club, thanks, and within half a term DS2 wanted to join them too.

I changed my hours back again!

I picked up my DD age 6 from ASC at 5.45pm today. The staff said she'd been cackling away with her best friend, plotting all sorts and making lovely pictures. My DD goes in 5 days a week and whilst you'll miss the school playground bits (useful for organising play dates and all that jazz), it's not essential. Some people actively avoid the playground!

My employer does childcare vouchers which help with the cost of the wraparound CM.

All kids are different, but generally if you start things a certain way kids can adapt.

Having said that although I full support you in wanting to support your family, breakfast and after school club every day is a lot of time.

If, in the future, you are not happy (and you can afford to do it) you can go part-time or at least some form of part time.

My dd went to nursery starting in the mornings quite early but only a couple of days.

Your dd may well like it a lot. You may well find it fine. Or you may wish you had at least one day when you could collect her and do stuff after school together.

My boss allows me to work a few hours at home by remote access, it makes life easier. It is not open to all in all jobs but in my place it is very common and actually eases the congestion in the cafe/car park etc!

I don't think you should feel guilty as you are supporting your family, which is great.

You may wish to negotiate your hours at some point when you have your feet 'under the table' at work, so to speak.

It is also my experience that one has more power to negotiate how your hours are worked/when/where etc the higher up you are in a job, so your ambition will be a good thing in the future for getting things how you want.

If you want the way things are great, but if in future you want them to be different, do not feel bad for making changes either.

Enjoy your new job.