To not attend this therapy meeting

[Strawberryshortcake40]

DD has mental health issues and one of her regular weekly appointments is family therapy with CAMHS.

This weekend we have had some terrible issues with exDH and her which have seriously affected her recovery. I've tried to talk to him but got nowhere.

The thought of sitting in a room with him saying what a great supportive parent he is makes me utterly furious. I know if I go he will twist things while remaining calm and I will lose my temper.

DD is happy for me not to go. She is planning to just nod along when he is in there but then tell all when she has her time alone with the therapist. I have written a letter to the therapist saying that I'm afraid because of these issues it will just turn into a slanging match in front of DD which won't help her. I have promised to calm down in time for the next meeting and also given her details of DDs progress this week.

AIBU to not go? Should I be able to suck it up and deal with him? I'm usually able to stay calm but this time his behaviour has been horrendous and my every instinct is for her not to see him at all at the moment.

This might be a daft suggestion but if you need to work at home and your daughter has to sit upstairs could you use a 2 way video monitor? That way you can both see each other and even set up a bit of a code with hand gestures so you can communicate unobtrusively while you work.

If DD isn't bothered about seeing her father and neither of you wants him in meetings why is he there?
Who is insisting he has to attend? It's clearly not helping your DD.

Would it be wrong to handcuff her to the car whilst your meeting with clients, or her bed...

Such a tough illness to deal with!

Can you train her in shorthand to be the meeting PA! I thought computer based so she can't pace...

Is she at the point of eating enough at the moment that she is thinking straight or no yet?

Mentally she's more switched on than she has been for a few months. She's battling all kinds of realisations.

Handcuffs could work lol! No unfortunately I don't do the kind of work she can sit in with, but I'm thinking maybe the video system could work.

The problem is I'm permanently distracted if I do work. She's not too suicidal apparently but that thought is always on my mind.

Would it be wrong to handcuff her to the car whilst your meeting with clients, or her bed...

Yes, this would be wrong, and likely ineffective

OP is she gaining weight? If you are unable to work you might be able to get signed off on your own account, but I do not know how this works benefits-wise with id you are self-employed. Does your DD know how her behaviour is impacting on your ability to keep the family finances on an even keel? Is your DD able to talk to you if she is feeling suicidal? Sending hugs, AN is horrific to go through, both for the sufferer and for their family.

FFS the op got that it was a joke suggestion! Of course it wouldn't work asher DD needs to be in a position of be able to and want to make the right decisions...

I suppose they don't do day admissions/clinics extra to what you currently receive?

I don't suppose there is anything that occupies her sufficiently in hour or so bursts either no family friends who could come around even with pre-schoolers?

No day clinics unfortunately

Am beginning to think I can change careers after this and set up a childcare service specifically for teens with eating disorders, I will have had enough practice

Unfortunately all my friends now work as their kids are older and tbh DD has up until the last few weeks or so been pretty weird to be around. It wouldn't be something I would want to inflict on anyone!

I had to leave her younger sister to look after her for an hour and half at the weekend as ex refused and I had to see a client to get enough money to put petrol in the car!

At cbt with her now, thankfully I do this one on my own with her :)

^No day clinics unfortunately

Am beginning to think I can change careers after this and set up a childcare service specifically for teens with eating disorders, I will have had enough practice.^

You would not be the first person to have had this thought. I really think FEAST and the web forum could help you out. They support many parents who are in your position.

as her DD needs to be in a position of be able to and want to make the right decisions.

I was thinking it would not work because a patient with AN would find a way to exercise regardless; this would be typical of AN.

I hope that CBT is helpful.

Friends might be more helpful or understanding than you might think, especially if DD is calming down as the weeks pass. Take care of yourself