Strawberry "His current fury with me is because I won't let him go on holiday with us. Why? Because she doesn't want him to and neither does her therapist or the dr. He refuses to accept that and no doubt will want to bring that up at the meeting today and try and browbeat me into it."
Well there is another reason, you don't want to go on holiday with your abusive ex. I have a horrible feeling this is about you.
I totally agree with Squirmy; I had just written He is continuing his abuse of you by using your daughter, IMHO. When I read...
" It's just giving him another way to abuse."
You do need to stop this now. The marriage is over, why the heck would you want to go on holiday. My friend has just separated from her emotionally abusive husband. He is using their kids to get to her, it is heartbreaking, the kids know it, she knows it. It is awful.
He probably needs psychiatrist help himself but this is not your issue. Cut him loose!
"And I'm supposed to sit and watch him portray himself as dad of the year for an hour??"
The session should not in any way be about him, if the therapist is not helping and is not able to stop him from being this arsehole in his dd's presence then I wonder if you can get a referral to a different therapist.
I am sure this is all very, very stressful. My dd has some mild mental health problems and I have been very involved with a friend who has an eating disorder, so I am aware of some of the issues but can only begin to imagine how awful this has been for you. I expect it has affected your mental health and you must look after yourself while still making your dd the priority (tricky to do).
You do not need to tell us but something to think about is, was your ex abusive to your dd? I would say almost certainly by being abusive to you he has, by default, been abusive to her, but there may be more.
I would not allow her to be in a room with him without me, and I would not want him in a room with me! So you need to get your dd to articulate how she feels, record it and pass it on. She clearly doesn't want him there but has maybe been made to feel she should have him there, maybe even that he needs to be there to help her. He is clearly there for his own entertainment which is beyond sick. Please stop him.
As far as next appointment goes I would either call in and say she is ill and you will reschedule appointment but would like to come in and speak to them first, or, simply go and stay quiet, make notes of all the bullshit he spouts and the things the therapist says in response. Then use this information as further ammunition.
I know we only have one side of this but your ex sounds like a sick man, he should not be around any vulnerable child.