To expect that the school contact us after a crazed kid attacked ours and sent him home fearing that he might be concussed?

[user1467099964]

A bit of background. I have long suspected my child may have ASD. He is very intelligent but not very streetwise and everywhere he goes he seems to get picked on. We had it all through primary too and there was a lot of victim blaming. The primary was originally outstanding and in a small quiet village; we thought it would be good but they were only interested if everything was going well, they didn’t have a clue with SEN and hardly had any pupils with SEN and there were a lot of behavioural issues.
The new school is in quite a deprived area and I was a bit worried about this but thought because of this it would have more SEN pupils (it does) and therefore more funding so be able to handle these pupils and possibly help mine more (be more understanding?). However, my son seems to be being attacked nearly every day! He has been trying so hard to defend himself and doesn’t want to snitch but I have had to e-mail his tutor on two occasions about separate incidents that were particularly bad and the tutor reassured us after the first incident and it died down a bit with that child for a while, but when it happened again, he never replied to my e-mail!
Now there is this unprovoked incident with another child and we haven’t heard from the school. We called them and they said they would get back to us but they did not.
I’m worried as I don’t know if he will be safe tomorrow-he has most classes with this child!
Apart from this he loves school and is doing very well academically. This school acknowledges that he is highly capable and are encouraging him. Such a difference to the last one where he was written off and ignored. He is so happy that he tries even harder for these teachers.
So what should we do? I want to take him out but wonder if it’s just the same in all schools. Are all secondary schools like this? Does he just need to learn to be tougher? He hates hurting people.
Thanks for reading; any advice would be greatly received.

Hi italian I asked about the behaviour of the people filming in the e-mail. They had previously told me that the HOY/ SMT destroyed it to stop it going on social media so I'm pleased about that. It was good to have the evidence so they couldn't deny it happened but yes it might have been useful if we had needed to involve the police.

I got another reply from HOY stating that the boy has been punished more harshly this time-I'm actually pleased with what she has done. She has done quite a few things that seem useful including arranging to educate all the kids about filming/cyber bullying.
I do think she is limited in what she can do though and it is very poor that the head doesn't want to be involved and is hiding somewhere.

At the moment I don't feel like going further with it, mentioning things like next time etc. I am in two minds about it as I think they need to know we won't just roll over but as things are being done I don't want to alienate them either.

As for DS he seems happier but still a bit wary, his martial arts instructor has given him some techniques and we are practising those. I do think if he has to defend himself and the other one gets hurt its just tough. They can't say they didn't know there was a problem!

Thank you very much italian for all the wonderful advice you have given . I will show DS the information about using your voice also.

I am prepared to fight (armed with all this wonderful advice posters on here have given me) and I will contact the police regardless if there is a next time. Lets hope it all comes off. I will keep an eye on the situation to see it is being followed through. I am still keeping up the research about alternative schools just in case. I am still reading/researching, taking it all on board and making back up plans!

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread it has been really incredible to get such wonderful support.xxxx

Please do whatever you feel is right.

"I don't want to alienate them either." You caring about your son and holding them accountable to do their job is not alienating them. I wonder if this idea has come from your dh.

"I do think if he has to defend himself and the other one gets hurt its just tough. They can't say they didn't know there was a problem!"
100%. Your son needs to safely defend himself if he cannot get away.

Bullying is not at all acceptable, or cool, or normal, it should always be called out as not normal, not acceptable. I hate it if it is every implied it is unavoidable or natural. Loads of things happen in the natural world that we do not have in schools and the work place!

Keep preparing your son for problems while also giving him the message that problems are not inevitable or acceptable. He is so valuable and worth protecting, I am sure you do this already but just keep it up.

You user1467099964 are a brilliant mum, really wise and caring and there for your son when he needed you.

Huge hugs.

Sorry to just jump in... But your husband sounds utterly spineless and more worried about how you look as 'demanding parents' rather than your son's wellbeing. He needs to learn some assertiveness (your DH).

As for this school - a nurturing learning environment is worth its weight in gold. More than OFSTED ratings I would argue. Ain't no way children should have to put up with these bear-pits.

Good luck with everything. Please update if you can. Hopefully he can stay at the school he's happy in but also feel safe.

Also you might find that instead of alienating them you'll gain their respect, as happened with me.

How are you getting on op?