To expect that the school contact us after a crazed kid attacked ours and sent him home fearing that he might be concussed?

[user1467099964]

A bit of background. I have long suspected my child may have ASD. He is very intelligent but not very streetwise and everywhere he goes he seems to get picked on. We had it all through primary too and there was a lot of victim blaming. The primary was originally outstanding and in a small quiet village; we thought it would be good but they were only interested if everything was going well, they didn’t have a clue with SEN and hardly had any pupils with SEN and there were a lot of behavioural issues.
The new school is in quite a deprived area and I was a bit worried about this but thought because of this it would have more SEN pupils (it does) and therefore more funding so be able to handle these pupils and possibly help mine more (be more understanding?). However, my son seems to be being attacked nearly every day! He has been trying so hard to defend himself and doesn’t want to snitch but I have had to e-mail his tutor on two occasions about separate incidents that were particularly bad and the tutor reassured us after the first incident and it died down a bit with that child for a while, but when it happened again, he never replied to my e-mail!
Now there is this unprovoked incident with another child and we haven’t heard from the school. We called them and they said they would get back to us but they did not.
I’m worried as I don’t know if he will be safe tomorrow-he has most classes with this child!
Apart from this he loves school and is doing very well academically. This school acknowledges that he is highly capable and are encouraging him. Such a difference to the last one where he was written off and ignored. He is so happy that he tries even harder for these teachers.
So what should we do? I want to take him out but wonder if it’s just the same in all schools. Are all secondary schools like this? Does he just need to learn to be tougher? He hates hurting people.
Thanks for reading; any advice would be greatly received.

Your poor son I would phone the police, your son is being repeatedly assaulted and verbally abused and the school haven't been affective in stopping it. Your son has the right to an education and a right not to be assaulted whilst he is seeking this education.

In theory things have improved in schools since the 70s/80s when we grew up and violence isn't tolerated - I know in practice unfortunately it's not as simple as that. But this is a very serious matter - imagine if you sent your child into school with a similar injury you had caused him and instructions to watch him for head injury after effects- school would without a doubt be contacting SS and/or police! I agree with previous posters that seeking some medical advice - walk in centre or minor injuries and calling the police would be appropriate.

Have you tried calling rather than emailing? My daughter has been in similar situations since starting high school and I always feel reassured when I speak to the guidance teacher. You need to ask them what they are going to do to make your child safe. Don't let it lie, it is unacceptable.

My daughter is in an inner London school and this would be an exclusion offence, no doubt. So I don't think that all secondary schools would be the same. That attack sounded dreadful. Your poor ds and poor you and dh.

Police.
A serious assault is just that. Wherever it happens.

You must get your child examined by a doctor and injuries documented.

Well we still haven't had any contact from the school. we rang to ask what was happening and they said he needed to come in now as there were no instructions left for him to stay off.
I said we need reassurance and that I am waiting for a telephone appointment with the doctor. Hopefully if he says its ok it will still be logged?

Yes it will be on record at the GP. If the school see you are taking it seriously that will make them take it more seriously. Also just because whoever you spoke to on the phone isn't that helpful it doesn't mean teachers at a higher level won't do anything if you ask for a meeting and insist they get this situation sorted out. So don't be put off.

If you believe your son has ASD, if you haven't already, you must get him into the system for assessment. You can push for your GP to refer him.

The bullying does need dealing with, but you will have more ammo with the school if he is actually undergoing assessment.

What the school does to punnish the other children isn't your concern. Keeping your ds safe, is. You need a clear plan from them on how they are going to keep your ds safe. How they achieve it is mostly irrelevant. The fact that you have contacted them before shows there is an ongoing issue. Make a list of previous incidents, go for a meeting and demand they make the plan.

You can call the police but I've honestly not known it make much difference.

It might be useful for your ds to get a diagnosis but support in school is based on need not diagnosis, so if he needs help, he should get it.

I don't know if I've got the mental strength to fight a school again. All that happens is you get labelled as one of those parents and DC are called grasses. They have to go everyday.

You can't fight the system-it's just too big. They don't have the resources to help the kids with anger/behavioural issues so I think even if this was sorted it would only be a matter of time before it happens again with a different child.

I am and have in the past considered home schooling but I really don't want to do this as he loves going to school so much. I am still hoping the school will respond shortly. Otherwise I will try to make an appointment with someone.

I'd keep him off until the school can give evidence that they are dealing with the perpetrators and can guarantee his safety.
I know that some people say this has been said too often but definitely get the police involved - they are over the age of responsibility and a crime number should stop the school dragging its feet.

Yes I'd keep him off until they started to take it a bit more seriously.

WhatchaMaCalllit thank you OP that school sound terrible! I hope your boy is ok.

We have finally been contacted by someone trying to get him to come in (very nice though). They told us that the other child has been excluded today so it is safe for DC to go in. His head of house will contact us tonight/tomorrow and a plan(?) will be put in place???
I asked why no-one had been in touch and said that a little reassurance would have gone a long way!
I also asked if his form tutor was ever going to talk to him-answer was no but they could try to arrange it-once he was in.
It seems like they are more focused on the other kid.

Apologies if you tried this last time but I have had similar issues and this worked for me.

Ring the school again and ask to speak to the head or deputy responsible for dealing with bullying etc. Take the name of the person you have spoken to and send a follow up email to confirm the contents of the conversation, copying the email to both the Head of Year and Form teacher for your son. Note e.g. that you spoke to X as recommended by Y as being the person responsible in these situations. Then note your conversation with X or the fact that you were unable to speak with X and remind them of your contact number plus the fact that they can contact you at any time to discuss the matter.

If they do not reply, ring again, ask if you can speak to X tomorrow and again by email note that this is a second call and that no one has responded.

Keep going until you receive a call or email. Be unfailingly polite and calm but relentless.

Each time you speak to someone, send a follow up email, copied to the form teacher etc.

In my experience, the school will have to respond to you or they will have an unhappy time explaining themselves to the governors etc if they fail to respond.

You are not entitled to know anything about any other child involved, make it clear that you understand and respect that but that a strategy needs to be put in place to protect your son.

I did this and it worked to get the frankly lazy and complacent staff to stop my DC being bullied. It taught my DC that bullies can be stopped and that things could be worked through. I admit we changed schools at the end of the year though because I was so disappointed at the amount of effort it took to get the staff to do their job and I just didn't trust them with my DC anymore.

The new school is fantastic and the staff are really proactive. You absolutely don't have to put up with bullying.

Whoops X post but still think that you should start the email trail. And the cynic in me wonders if they are just interested in their attendance stats...

Thank you so much to everyone who has shown concern and given me advice. It has been very helpful!

SaorAlbaGuBrath You sound like a fantastic mum-your DC are lucky to have you!

PaulDacresFeministConscience-It happened to me too and I wonder if I over react because of that, it's horrible. I'm sorry it happened to you too. I do love your quote btw!

Categoric that is very useful stuff thanks. I completely understand why you moved your kids after all that. This is exactly how I feel. Good to know your new school is much better.

I also thought it was a strange coincidence that after calling the school twice yesterday and once today and getting no response that as soon as he didn't show up today someone was in touch trying to get him to go in...hmm ...attendance numbers anyone?!

user1467099964 thank you 😊 you do too! I'm gutted to hear the school aren't taking it seriously but I'm sure you'll get them to sit up and take notice!

Meanwhile, I hope your son can relax and enjoy the sunshine today.

Actaully, medically you have a perfectly good reason to keep him off today - you are worried about the concussion risk. That trumps any attendance related bleating.

Keep a log of the bruising and injuries - it is probable that they have no idea how serious they are.

Send an email stating that Ds is off school today for observation for concussion as a result of yesterday's assault on school premises by xxx.

They can't argue with that.

Every telephone conversation you have with anyone at the school should be followed up with a summary of what was said via email.

I have experience of how HTs minimise and lie about serious issues.

I haven't been able to speak to anyone yet who has any authority, I was told that the teacher who filled in the forms was busy most of the day and would contact me tonight/tomorrow (guess that's tomorrow then!).

I wasn't brave enough to keep him off the whole day just til the doc contacted us. I sent him in with a note for his form tutor requesting that they speak to DS and explain what was happening to set his mind at rest (as they didn't respond to my last e-mail.) I'm trying to give them every chance!
Of course the form tutor didn't bother but DS was supposed to seek them out and forgot apparently. He was ok though, support staff told him not to worry.
The good news is according to other parents/children, if you get an exclusion it is for 3 days minimum not one, the other DC will be separated from everyone when he returns and gradually phased back in. So at least we can sleep tonight!
It would have been nice to hear this from the school rather than hearsay and wondering if they actually noticed!

I will give them tomorrow to contact me and follow up with e-mails as has been suggested.

I haven't been able to speak to anyone yet who has any authority, I was told that the teacher who filled in the forms was busy most of the day and would contact me tonight/tomorrow (guess that's tomorrow then!).

I wasn't brave enough to keep him off the whole day just til the doc contacted us. I sent him in with a note for his form tutor requesting that they speak to DS and explain what was happening to set his mind at rest (as they didn't respond to my last e-mail.) I'm trying to give them every chance!
Of course the form tutor didn't bother but DS was supposed to seek them out and forgot apparently. He was ok though, support staff told him not to worry.
The good news is according to other parents/children, if you get an exclusion it is for 3 days minimum not one, the other DC will be separated from everyone when he returns and gradually phased back in. So at least we can sleep tonight!
It would have been nice to hear this from the school rather than hearsay and wondering if they actually noticed!

I will give them tomorrow to contact me and follow up with e-mails as has been suggested.