To expect that the school contact us after a crazed kid attacked ours and sent him home fearing that he might be concussed?

[user1467099964]

A bit of background. I have long suspected my child may have ASD. He is very intelligent but not very streetwise and everywhere he goes he seems to get picked on. We had it all through primary too and there was a lot of victim blaming. The primary was originally outstanding and in a small quiet village; we thought it would be good but they were only interested if everything was going well, they didn’t have a clue with SEN and hardly had any pupils with SEN and there were a lot of behavioural issues.
The new school is in quite a deprived area and I was a bit worried about this but thought because of this it would have more SEN pupils (it does) and therefore more funding so be able to handle these pupils and possibly help mine more (be more understanding?). However, my son seems to be being attacked nearly every day! He has been trying so hard to defend himself and doesn’t want to snitch but I have had to e-mail his tutor on two occasions about separate incidents that were particularly bad and the tutor reassured us after the first incident and it died down a bit with that child for a while, but when it happened again, he never replied to my e-mail!
Now there is this unprovoked incident with another child and we haven’t heard from the school. We called them and they said they would get back to us but they did not.
I’m worried as I don’t know if he will be safe tomorrow-he has most classes with this child!
Apart from this he loves school and is doing very well academically. This school acknowledges that he is highly capable and are encouraging him. Such a difference to the last one where he was written off and ignored. He is so happy that he tries even harder for these teachers.
So what should we do? I want to take him out but wonder if it’s just the same in all schools. Are all secondary schools like this? Does he just need to learn to be tougher? He hates hurting people.
Thanks for reading; any advice would be greatly received.

oops something went wrong there sorry!

Turns out that hearsay was just that and the other kid was back today-of course no one informed us!
I managed to contact them this time and met with them.

They said other dc's behaviour was unacceptable and there were lots of witnesses who said it was unprovoked. Other child had been punished and would apologise.

As I suspected the children are to be kept separate in class and for now at break times until behaviour improves.
Unfortunately not all teachers remember...

I asked what would be done if it happened again and was told they will cross that bridge if it comes to it.
I didn't get a reply to what my DC should do.
I wanted to say that if it happens again I will tell him to fight back with all his might and really hurt the other kid and we will involve the police and refuse to allow him to go to school until this kid is removed. But didn't get the chance-they were very busy!

I did manage to say that it wasn't the first time and that this child did it to others as well but was met with the its the first time I've heard about it line and if it isn't reported what can we do.
(I guess this school is so violent that the whole school has just become blind to it?)
They will speak with my DC and try to reassure them.

If the 'keep them separate in class' is a standard reaction to a "first incident" does anyone know what should happen after another incident? what interventions are put in place before exclusion can happen for instance?

I'm not wanting another incident-I will be at the school demanding the next level of intervention if the other kid has any negative contact at all with mine (including verbal).

I know lots of people have said involve the police about this first incident but I can't- there really isn't any injury to see-he still has a headache but that's about it. I'm sure any witnesses would miraculously disappear like they have in the past and the school would down play it-there's just no evidence.

He was assaulted. You need to let the police decide if they should follow it up. There were witnesses after all.

The school sounds like it's full of incompetent teachers. It may just be the way you tell it but a form tutor who 'forgot' to speak to a child who was beaten up the day before, teachers who 'forgot' to keep a bully and victim separate after an incident a couple of days ago. Pathetic.

Have they actually had a meeting with you or is this just a phone call?

Honestly you shouldn't be scared to keep your own son away from school if you think it's the right decision for his safety the school sounds awful. Are you sure taking him out completely and finding another school for him isn't an option?

As I agree police could be an option. You shouldn't have to be worried this will happen again and our clearly are because you are asking what the school should do next. Please stand up for your son op.

Stop giving them chances. Theyre not using them. Call the police.

Just run this by DS, several things jump out.
Firstly, he's surprised that an attack this severe could take place during school hours. Says this type of thing could only happen off school grounds when walking home.

Secondly, he's quite shocked at the lack of action taken. An isolated event of this severity would warrant much longer periods of isolation for the perpetrator. If there was a suspicion of bullying, things would be taken much more seriously.

He adds that the children with diagnosed issues get lots of 'social' help and protection so they are not left to fend for themselves outside of the classroom.

DS is in yr 11, at the local comp. He's not overly impressed with his school and quite happy to have a bloody good moan about them. Thought his unvarnished opinion might give you some context. You have to take this further. The school are letting your DS down badly.

Have you actually contacted the police and got a crime number. There is no way I'd have sent him in. See what happens if you hit their precious attendance figures.

OP, please do not tell your child's teachers that fighting back is what you are advising him to do. It will make it worse.
Even though you are in some kind of conversation and communication with the school, I think you will also need to make sure you are keeping a diary of events...writing down dates, times, names of those involved and even names of those witnessing your child being assaulted and if possible who said what and if anything was done by the school.
Photos of any marks or bruising on your child should be taken and kept safe by you.
My friend made use of these type of evidence two years later after her son moved to a different school and he was picked on again by the same idiots. The police intervened straight away in her child's case, because she had plenty of 'historical evidence' available. Good luck!

OK, I have thought long and hard about this I am very worried and upset. I contacted a bullying advice line who said DS was under the age of criminal responsibility-I thought it was 10?! and to just complain to the governors.
I am fighting with DH here who really doesn't want to involve police as he is scared of the consequences. He doesn't think they will do anything and even if they do the school will make life difficult for DS so he will be forced to leave, then we both worry that another school would be jumping out of the frying pan and in to the fire. DC finds it difficult to make friends and in spite of this incident has made some good ones here (he was attacked in an area without them incidentally).
sleight it was interesting to get your DS perspective on this. I am not happy with the level of punishment/isolation either.Thank you.
I am going to try and ring the police anonymously and see what they say.

www.gov.uk/age-of-criminal-responsibility

"The age of criminal responsibility in England and Wales is 10 years old.

This means that children under 10 can’t be arrested or charged with a crime. There are other punishments that can be given to children under 10 who break the law."

I think id ring the police too, that head sounds crap

There's a bullying board on MN, OP, maybe reading through some more posts may help in how you deal with this.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bullying

Personally, I'd document every interaction with the bully factually and I'd put all my dealings with school via email so it creates a paper trail because then school cannot treat every incident as isolated.

Dear Teacher/Head/Safeguarding Officer/Chairman of Governors/My MP
Many thanks for meeting me on [date] to discuss [describe situation.
]
I was pleased to hear you are doing [describe] which will keep my son safe from physical and verbal abuse during [e.g. lessons.}
However I am still concerned about [e.g. unstructured times like break or dinner] and would ask you to let me know how you intend to keep my son safe during those times.
Yours etc.

I would though also ring the Police. The bully who is doing this needs more supervision and it may well be that school cannot fund that unless there's proof of his behaviour.

And for goodness' sake PLEASE, please, please have your son assessed, the older he gets without proper support for his own social and educational needs, the harder his life will be and any school will be powerless to help him. A lot of funding is dependant upon diagnosis.Good Luck

I had a similar incident happen to my child in year 8 - it was not the first incident but it was the worst. I sent the following e-mail/letter to the school and governors, it totally stopped the problem in it's tracks.
In addition my son was (eventually) diagnosed with a SEN in y9

Take/change the wording but basically this talks in school/child protection language and if ignored would mean that there would be serious questions to answer. Don't forget that you can complain to OFSTED, at any time.

In December I made a complaint that my child, x - in Tutor Group x (Miss x) was being harassed on the school premises by a child called x. This child was intimidating my son and wrestling him to the ground in the playground, this is common assault.

My husband, x and I came into school to discuss this and another issue and we were assured that the matter would be dealt with.

x now tells me that this child is still harassing him, and whilst my son endeavours to stay away from him at breaks and lunchtimes, as they are in the same classes, inevitably they have some contact. My son says that x continues to punch him and poke him when there are no staff present.

My son suffers from stress migraines that have seriously affected his attendance this year, no doubt in response to the sustained abuse he is receiving whilst on your premises. When I ask him what staff attitudes are to x he tells me that the staff expect this child to misbehave and that he is rarely challenged. I understand that my son is not the only child that is in fear of him.

You have a duty of care to all your pupils to ensure that they feel safe and supported in School. The fact is that my son does not feel safe in your care and this is having a direct impact on his ability to learn.

When I came in before Christmas I said that I expected that the staff would ensure that x did not touch my child again. I was assured that you would put in place measures/sanctions to ensure that that would happen. Clearly those measures have failed.

I will be taking further action and reporting this harassment to the police if this matter is not dealt with immediately.

I hope this helps, gives you some ideas. Just because it takes place in a school does not mean that it can be "just" classed as bullying. Using adult terms such as assault and harassment changes the severity of your complaint and challenges the short cut thinking, of the staff concerned.

Sorry for not updating 'til now. I have been busy reading and researching what to do. Many thanks for the replies especially the template letter suggestions blankface and louisaaa.

After a disagreement with DH about it, I did speak to the police anonymously and they were lovely but said at this point they probably wouldn't get involved with the school but would visit both boys and talk to them. (The attacker would be reprimanded).

DS was adamant that he didn't want to speak to the police and was worried about repercussions.
So I don't think their involvement would help. I wanted them to speak to the school.

DS and I have decided to look for another school to go to in September as we don't think this is a good one or a good fit for DS.
I did get some insight from his cousin (at the same school) who said when they started at the school they found it intimidating-lots of jostling etc but soon learned who to stay away from and its actually ok. The cousin was surprised at DS's experience.
Even DS thinks he finds it more difficult than the others in his class.
(Not to take away from the experience with kid who attacked him-that was clearly very bad.)

This leads me on to the diagnosis thing-I can't see him getting one or what it would do to help him if he did. He is in top sets and doing very well when he is not distracted and there is not too much pressure (he went to pieces over the SATS). I doubt you can get anything that would help an oversensitive child, he is anxious/geeky/naïve really, so just really unhappy in a school where doing the work equals bullying. He hangs around with others like him and they are fine -they keep out of the trouble makers way but DS doesn't seem able to keep away. We've told him to keep his wits about him and look out for them but he forgets or stays in a constant state of anxiety.

We've decidied to look at smaller schools-private if necessary which will be an incredible struggle for us or home ed which neither of us thinks would be great for him.
DS wants to look around some different schools. Does anyone know if you are allowed time off to do this or will I have to pretend he is sick?
TIA

sorry for all the spelling/grammar mistakes I am rushing and having trouble with this pc!

Also after half term everything went back to normal with the other kid and he started pushing, grabbing and generally being annoying to everyone as well as DS. Is it worth reporting as DS is leaving? I know the school will think it is petty.

I don't blame you for moving schools. Really you should log everything as louisa suggests and keep harassing them in a calm and polite way. They have to sort stuff with a continuous paper trail. But I can see why you haven't the energy.
It's such a shame though if he is succeeding academically and has good friends. Is it worth putting in a lot of energy pursuing this now and seeing what the next few weeks brings?

It can take up to 3 weeks to sort out a place for your son so if you are going to do it in time for the next academic year, time is of an essence. I have always stood up for victims of bullying as a head of year but it has also landed me in trouble with the parents of said bullies as they will not accept what their little darlings are. I would do it again though as I can`t abide bullies....my own son had to move schools. I called the bullies 'bullies' publicly and I was given a stern talking to.
In the short term demand that your son is moved classes away from this bully so he cannot come into contact with him and if he does seek him out then it is 'ammunition' for you to complain further.
I hope you get this sorted for your son.

Thank you rightwhine. I agree. I have just sent another polite e-mail just to let them know that the situation is still bubbling away as they did ask us to let them know!
Also thank you to tinytemper66 it is interesting to get your insight. It is the HOY that I have been in communication with and I do not really want to hassle her. She is the only one who has tried to do anything at all but I did get the feeling that she has her hands tied-the aggro from the other parents would explain it (and the lack of support from head/dep head).
btw It is wonderful to know that there are brave teachers like you who will try to do their best for the kids, thank you .
Can I ask - you said your son moved schools- is he happy now and how did you choose the school? Lots of them seem to have all the right policies but until the DC start you can't actually tell if they will implement anything.

They aren't taking you seriously. I think you need to escalate it now. Tell the HOY that it's still happening and that you are going to talk to the head as it is crucial that - use the child protection terminology that louisa suggested.

Make an appointment to see the head or email them and ask for responses in writing. Copy the others. Keep that paper trail and ensure they know you will be going to the Board of Governors if your child is not safeguarded appropriately. Tell them you expect follow up emails/meetings every week from now on and chase those up with the paper trail.. It's time to play hardball and show you are serious. Once they know you cannot be deflected they will have to step up. Would ensuring he moves classes help? Keep calm and polite. Don't be fobbed off. Don't be classed as that irritating parent. Be classed as that parent who won't take no for an answer and has to be taken seriously.

I've done all this over a much less serious matter. and it works.

Also state that if the school does not sort it to an acceptable level then you will be escalating it to the LEA.

TBH I'd be wary about just changing schools because it could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Try this first and then move him mid year next year if you have to,

Still thinking about this. I'd do it all by email as then you can consider your wording carefully and nothing can get misconstrued.