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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this neglectful or just shit parenting? Or fine?

92 replies

NickyNickname123 · 22/05/2017 20:21

I have name changed.
Single parent to 11 year old DS.
DS is in year 7.
DS gets up, gets own breakfast, makes his lunch, makes lunch for parent.
Parent leaves the house at 7am.
DS gets self ready, goes to school.
Comes home, parent home some days 7, some days 6.
DS expected to feed self, parent doesn't get much food in but says DS can make pasta or toast.

DS gets money from grandparents for school lunch - 8 months into school term parent suddenly asks if they are having school meals - hasn't thought to check until now.

Parent has now decided to take up a new hobby for the next 8 weeks - involving being out of the house from 8-11pm three nights per week.

Parent never cleans or tidies, when DS asks for help he is shouted at or sent to his room.

Neglectful? Or just shit parenting?

OP posts:
Original poster
NickyNickname123 · 22/05/2017 20:22

Just to clarify, I am not the parent!

OP posts:
OSETmum · 22/05/2017 20:24

Neglectful for sure.

Leanback · 22/05/2017 20:24

Neglectful but probably wouldn't meet the threshold for any intervention.

Where is DS getting his emotional warmth from. Poor kid.

Mamabear14 · 22/05/2017 20:25

Massively neglectful. I'm amazed it needs to be asked!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 22/05/2017 20:25

Sounds fucking horrible.

PetalMettle · 22/05/2017 20:26

Poor little lad. 11 still seems so small and to be making lunches and left oh your own at night. Would seem like neglect to me

user1488756360 · 22/05/2017 20:26

Sounds like a lonely existence really. Does he see much of his grandparents?

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 22/05/2017 20:27

Doesn't sound great. Making the food - well my son has made his own lunch and breakfast since year 7, and cooks for us regularly but the difference is that we always have food in the house and if he doesn't have time or forgets to make lunch he is given money to get something at school.

ferriswheel · 22/05/2017 20:28

Sounds very lonely and not nice at all.

RandomMess · 22/05/2017 20:28

Sad neglectful

BetsyTheBee · 22/05/2017 20:28

Neglect Sad I work in a school and it would be a safeguarding issue here and we could potentially get social services involved.
11/12 is a child, they still need looking after. Do you know how long this has been happening? I can't imagine it started overnight, I agree with leanback where is he getting emotional warmth from?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 22/05/2017 20:28

It sounds like someone who is either struggling to cope financially, hence working all the hours that god sends, or someone who is struggling to cope full stop. It sounds horrendous for the DS. It's far from ideal but if their priority is keeping a roof over their heads... it's hard for lone parents to juggle everything.

HildaOg · 22/05/2017 20:28

Very neglectful and sad for the poor boy.

Quartz2208 · 22/05/2017 20:28

Neglectful and shit

PurpleDaisies · 22/05/2017 20:29

It sounds very worrying.

Does the parent have health issues?

RaeSkywalker · 22/05/2017 20:29

Neglectful 😢

MrsELM21 · 22/05/2017 20:29

Gosh that's dreadful, poor boy, absolutely neglect

Original poster
NickyNickname123 · 22/05/2017 20:30

He sees a lot of grandparents, they have suggested that he stays with them whilst parent is at hobby - parent says no, parent wants to see DS in the mornings before work and needs to learn to be left alone.

Sorry, I am being so careful with details. Really do not want to be outed.

I have reported other stuff before but parent charmed social worker and DS too scared to say anything. Plus thinks it's normal. DS desperate to live with Grandparents but parent won't hear of it and he is too scared to speak to professionals.

OP posts:
BetsyTheBee · 22/05/2017 20:31

P.S - I didn't mean involve social services to have the child taken away, I meant so the parent could have help since it seems like they're struggling.
They could very easily have depression or other MH problems where they work so much and their new hobby is their 'escape', unfortunately meaning their DC has been pushed to the side. It's extremely sad but it does happen

picklemepopcorn · 22/05/2017 20:31

Poor kid. First few lines I was ok with, but parent not in until 7pm, then little food kept in, lunch not considered, then hobby... Poor kid.

Leanback · 22/05/2017 20:31

'Learn to be left alone'

Horrible Shock

Original poster
NickyNickname123 · 22/05/2017 20:32

Parent has no health issues.

Situation has been like this for a long time - since the other (not biological) parent had to leave the home and relationship. Grandparents desperate to help, pay for everything child needs, including uniform. Parent is not struggling financially.

OP posts:
BetsyTheBee · 22/05/2017 20:34

nickname maybe not MH problems then judging by your second post. Could social services not meet with the boy at school so he didn't feel intimidated? If they haven't already. Or could you convince him to speak with an adult at school and not a professional to begin with just so they had proof this is what he wanted and to reassure him? You seem close to the situation to know the details and that he wants to live with his grandparents

Maybe the grandparents could contact the school?

April229 · 22/05/2017 20:40

100% neglectful and unkind, shouted at when asked for help. Could the grandparents go there one night a week. Sounds like horrible parenting.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/05/2017 20:44

"He sees a lot of grandparents, they have suggested that he stays with them whilst parent is at hobby - parent says no, parent wants to see DS in the mornings before work and needs to learn to be left alone."
So this parent is putting themselves before the child's needs. Shit parenting AND neglectful. That poor child!