Is this neglectful or just shit parenting? Or fine?

[NickyNickname123]

I have name changed.
Single parent to 11 year old DS.
DS is in year 7.
DS gets up, gets own breakfast, makes his lunch, makes lunch for parent.
Parent leaves the house at 7am.
DS gets self ready, goes to school.
Comes home, parent home some days 7, some days 6.
DS expected to feed self, parent doesn't get much food in but says DS can make pasta or toast.

DS gets money from grandparents for school lunch - 8 months into school term parent suddenly asks if they are having school meals - hasn't thought to check until now.

Parent has now decided to take up a new hobby for the next 8 weeks - involving being out of the house from 8-11pm three nights per week.

Parent never cleans or tidies, when DS asks for help he is shouted at or sent to his room.

Neglectful? Or just shit parenting?

You could push it through and try to get the grandparents to put themselves forward to look after him.

The work issue, she can go on benefits but then she could end up homeless they are not paying anyones keep anymore. Most jobs finish at 5:30 she could work in care if she drives thats flexible and rewarding work.

Her taking up a new hobby is selfish she should be at home looking after her child. He has no cooked food through out the week is not on I cook every Sunday to last a few days for my children.

What happens during school holidays? Are they alone 7-7?

Sounds like my mum.
I'm now 100% NC at aged 19.
Neglectful at best.

Normally during school holidays Grandparents just take him - although parent makes no arrangements says DS would be fine to stay home alone but Grandparents can have him if they want him.

Who are you to be observing this so closely?

I would report and state what you have said here regarding the GP cleaning up before SS visits etc and ask if a spot check could be done.

Right, so you're the stepmum and the parent is your ex, right?

Apologies for repeating myself, but are you the other parent?

I thought that at 11 if a child expressed a strong opinion to live with another family member, and there is no problem with that family member, then they can, and cannot be brought back? At 11 a chlld'd wish would be very much taken into account?

He doesn't have to be removed by SS, he can just express an opinion and go?

I would team up with the Gp and get info on this. Including possibly seeing a lawyer,. Or maybe NSPCC could advise. Child could phone Childline and ask, too.

Yes.

I'm really sorry, I'm trying very hard not to out myself.

Ok, if you are either the other parent or the other parent's new DP, then straight off the bat utter utter bollocks to 'no contact due to acrimonious divorce.'

That's not how the Courts work and trust me, were I - and any other parents I can think of that I know TBH - not able to see my child due to wishy washy excuses the 'Acrimonious Divorce/Ex being a pain' then I'd crawl on broken knees if needed via Court/CAFCASS to get access to their child. Which I'd duly get.

If you are the new DP of the other parent, I'd advise being cautious with all that you are and are not told.

Thank goodness this lad has some people in his corner, his grandparents and you. Please do something, this poor child is being neglected in so many ways.

X-post.

There is no reason (unless there is a reason?) why you should not have access to your child. Get a SHL or represent self if need to.

If this is your child then you do bear some of the responsibility of his life being as you have painted it.

shaking did you miss the part about being step parent? Without PR?

shaking as I'm sure you can tell, there is huge, huge backstory to all this, that I can't go into here because as I say, I'm trying really, really hard not to out myself.

I may be wrong but you still may be able to apply for a contact order. How long were you a step-parent to this child?

The other parent is not the biological parent.

However, if the boy was a 'child of the family' you might be able to get a right to contact.

The grandparents are being hopeless. They should seek advice ( legal) and if indicated, just keep him after the holidays.

Op I think you need to seek legal advice

It's both. What a dickhead parent

ShakingAndShocked. The other parent is not a biological parent.

Yes I did miss that, my apologies; I thought your 'Yes I am' was in response to 'are you the child's other parent'.

And you won't out yourself, sadly you have described the reality of way too many children in our society.

I'm sure there is of course a backstory, but I also know that other than for reasons of risk or abuse, the Family Courts literally bend over backwards to facilitate contact with the NR parent (typically the DF) - it is their guiding principle you must surely have read some of the stories on here or in the Press? IE Guiding Principle to the point where it can blind them to a child's actual well-being.

So for a NR DF with nothing to fear, contact is an absolute given even if it takes some chasing in first instance (unless there is no PR in placebut that too would be an extreme Order in extreme circs).

Does your DP have PR or not? If not, do you know the actual reasons why not? It's great that you are concerned for this child but his issues won't be solved simply by doing nada other than reporting his (possibly struggling?) DM to SS

That is correct testtube but we have been split up now for too long to apply.

He's very lucky to have you looking out for him.

SP or not you've had responsibility in raising this child so as long as your reports as as concern and clearly aren't as revenge (which I doubt you'll have problem with as concern is clear from this thread) then I would imagine you'll be taken seriously.

I'd start with school as they know you've been involved in his life.

shaking
I am the ex step parent. I do not have PR.
I am not male.

How are you still so involved with this child to know what is going on if you are the ex step parent? How do you know the grandparents are giving eg dinner money? How do you know the RP only asked if it was being spent after 8 months?