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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery overfeeding 3yo

125 replies

yorkshapudding · 22/05/2017 18:40

DD(3.5) has been identified as being "a little bit overweight" (the HV's words) and I am keen to address this before it becomes a real problem.

She goes to a Nursery attached to the local primary school 3 days a week. She also attends breakfast club on those days. This is unavoidable due to my working hours. At breakfast they are given a choice of toast, cereal or both. They help themselves so portions aren't limited. There is also toast, fruit and milk available for morning and afternoon snack, again they help themselves. DD loves toast, would eat it all day if we let her. Same goes for milk.

When the problem with her weight was picked up we told Nursery about it and the Manager dismissed it as "rubbish" and told me to "ignore the HV" as DD "looks perfectly fine. I could see her point as DD does not look like a 'fat' child to me either, but I explained that DH and I don't want to disregard HCP advice so asked them to limit DD's bread and dairy intake as recommended by HV. Despite assurances, this hasn't happened and DD is still having several slices of toast a day (usually there, one at breakfast and one at each snack, but has been up to five slices in a day!) plus regular milk drinks. I have explained to the Nursery that we are concerned about this and I am met with assurances that it won't happen again and they will do everything they can to support us, but nothing changes.

At home we are being very careful with portion sizes, DD eats healthy, home cooked meals, she rarely snacks between meals, she doesn't have sugary drinks or sweets. Things like cake and ice cream are reserved for special occasions (meals out, parties etc) and given in small amounts. But I'm worried all our efforts will be for nothing if she's allowed to gorge herself three days a week and it's starting to frustrate me.

AIBU to expect the Nursery to work with us on this? I know they're busy and I don't want to be 'that parent'- but I don't want DD to be overweight either. When I go to the dreaded HV weigh in and am told "hmmm, she's still a bit overweight" I feel like they must think I'm a terrible mother, but I can't do anymore than I'm already doing Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
yorkshapudding · 22/05/2017 21:09

To answer some other points

No, there is no possibility of changing my working hours to avoid breakfast club unfortunately.

Yes, I suppose moving her to another Nursery is an option, but DD loves it there. She has made lots of little friends and she adores the teachers. Aside from the food thing, I can't fault them. It would be a shame but maybe I should consider it.

To be clear, I have not put my 3 year old "on a diet". I am trying to feed her healthily, that's all.

OP posts:
TheGirlFromNoWhere · 22/05/2017 21:11

That is utter rubbish user. 80% of weight is down to diet. You can't outrun too much food, No matter how healthy it is

shinynewusername · 22/05/2017 21:15

If you are cooking her healthy meals you do not need to control the portion sizes

Also rubbish - healthy food has calories too. Only vegetables should be given completely without restriction.

A lot of the advice on this thread belongs in the 1950s. No wonder childhood obesity is an epidemic.

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 22/05/2017 21:22

If you are cooking her healthy meals you do not need to control the portion sizes! A mid morning snack is recommended for under 5s too. I think the problem here is you and the poor kids gets it while it's going at nursery! If you think she's a bit of a chubster get her moving more!

Wow.

Firstly, she doesn't tend to snack at home because she doesn't ask for snacks at home. We're usually out and about so I guess she's distracted. On the rare occasion she does ask for a snack, she gets one but it will be something healthy like fruit or carrot sticks.

I don't need to get her moving more, she's a very active child. She does football and dancing, we go for long walks, we go to the park a lot, she jumps on the trampoline, she joins in with my yoga practice...not sure what more I can do short of signing her up to the gym!

When I say I'm being careful with portion sizes I don't mean I'm depriving her. I mean i'm being careful not to overfeed her by giving her the recommended portion sizes for her age, as set out in NHS published guidelines provided by our HV.

I really resent the assumption that she's eating so much at Nursery because I'm starving her. She's eating so much at Nursery because there's an unlimited supply of toast on offer and she really, really likes toast.

OP posts:
shinynewusername · 22/05/2017 21:28

Don't listen to the crap advice you have had on here from some posters, OP. You are doing the right thing and protecting your DD"s health for the rest of her life.

Sukitakeitoff · 22/05/2017 21:31

A lot of the advice on this thread belongs in the 1950s. No wonder childhood obesity is an epidemic

Totally agree.

And actually the OP didn't even ask for any dietary advice - she asked how to deal with the nursery.

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 22/05/2017 21:35

OP didn't even ask for any dietary advice - she asked how to deal with the nursery

Thank you Suki. Exactly.

I should have known, you can't win on MN when it comes to children's weight/diet. If your child is overweight, you're a rubbish parent, it must be your fault. If you try to take steps to address your child's weight, you're "controlling" and you're depriving the "poor child".

OP posts:
Sukitakeitoff · 22/05/2017 21:38

Take comfort from the fact that the HCP and GP further up on this thread both supported your position. And good luck - I hope you get somewhere with the nursery.

Flowers and not Cake for you OP Wink

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 22/05/2017 21:39

A 3 year old only needs 1000 kcalories per day and 3 slices of toast is about 300 kcals. With few glasses of milk, she is getting half her entire calories for the day, just in snacks. If she has butter and jam on the toast, it will be even more. No wonder you are struggling to get her to lose weight.

This is exactly my point shiny, thank you. How would you advise approaching this with the Nursery? Would it be inappropriate to ask the HV to contact them directly to give them advice? I don't seem to be getting through to them but they may be more receptive if it comes from another professional.

OP posts:
TheGirlFromNoWhere · 22/05/2017 21:39

Was just going to post that OP. Please, don't take that crap on board. You are right, nursery should be supporting you - and tbh they should be able to say no to a 5yo. It's part if their job! It's a very difficult position you're in with them.

PhyllisNights · 22/05/2017 21:41

I don't believe anyone in here was saying that if a child is overweight then it's the parents fault?

Some things are out of a parent's control. My grandmother used to look after us at the weekend and would take us for McDonalds, bake loads of cookies and cakes. She'd drop us off with loads of shopping that would contain crisps, sweets and chocolates. It was stuff my mum wouldn't have dared purchased. Luckily I'm naturally thin, but it did play with my brother's weight at times.

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 22/05/2017 21:43

Phyllis, a pp has literally told me the problem is you
I accept that I am probably a bit over-sensitive when it comes to this issue but I think that's a pretty clear accusation.

OP posts:
PhyllisNights · 22/05/2017 21:44

The nursery needs to get their act together. You drop your child off and you expect them to look after your child, which includes control. Endless toast at the breakfast buffet is fine for an adult, but not a child. They don't have the sense to know when to stop.

TheGirlFromNoWhere · 22/05/2017 21:46

Would she write a letter? Though I hate to say it, they may not take too kindly to hearing that their "free for all" practice with the toast isn't ideal
Sad
Teh creche my son attended used to give biscuits every day! They were a bit reluctant not to offer them in case my ds would feel left out. But when I explained the issues we were having and that I'd provide an alternative (1 small ricecake) they got on board. And by the time he finished there to start school no one was getting biscuits!

Mumzypopz · 22/05/2017 21:53

King...I know they say there is an epidemic, but do you really see hundreds of overweight children every day, because I don't. I can only think of a couple of overweight children in one of my children's junior school, and there are 500 children there, and in my other child's high school, I can think of a couple in my other child's year.

Plumkettle · 22/05/2017 21:55

YANBU OP.
The nursery willy nilly giving your dd 5 slices of toast without question is insane.

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 22/05/2017 21:56

TheGirlFromNowhere I'm sure she would if I asked her, she's very supportive. But yes, I'm worried that they will be offended at any percieved criticism.
I am also worried about singling my DD out by asking them to limit her, but then I worry that if she is overweight when she starts school she will be singled out anyway. I don't want to give her a complex about her weight/food but I don't want her to be unhealthy. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Softkitty2 · 22/05/2017 22:01

Hope your child doesn't pick up on huge emphasis being put in what she's eating. This is a slippery slope.

TheGirlFromNoWhere · 22/05/2017 22:04

I really feel for you yorksha. When's the last time you spoke to them about it?

Sukitakeitoff · 22/05/2017 22:06

softkitty2 surely an emphasis on healthy eating is a positive thing?

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 22/05/2017 22:11

Hope your child doesn't pick up on huge emphasis being put in what she's eating. This is a slippery slope.

I suppose I have put a huge emphasis on what she's eating on this thread, but that's because it's a thread specifically about her diet and weight. It's not like we're discussing it in this much detail constantly at home, and we certainly don't discuss it in her presence.

What would you suggest? Should I just ignore the problem and let her eat whatever she wants?

This is what I mean when I say you can't win. If you're child is overweight "you need to nip it in the bud now, it's a slippery slope". If you try to manage their diet accordingly "be careful you don't give them a complex, it's a slippery slope".

OP posts:
Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 22/05/2017 22:12

softkitty but if you don't intervene, always say nothing, and endlessly supply white carbs, then basically you have an overweight child. I know, I have had one!

The best way forward with a slightly overweight child is to say nothing to them, but to change their environment so there's slightly less availability of white carbs/cakes/sweets whilst they learn self-control and making sensible choices when they are a bit older (through encouragement, cooking with them, them learning the consequences of those choices which include being fatter). It's very very hard, but you can't just not intervene and allow the weight to become entrenched in case you trigger an eating disorder years later!

TheGirlFromNoWhere · 22/05/2017 22:13

It's ok for kids to know that too much good isn't good for them. There's a difference between making a child feel ashamed of their weight and instilling healthy eating habits.

hoddtastic · 22/05/2017 22:18

mumypopz, i think your assertion that you've only got 2 fat kids in a school of 500 shows how far removed your idea of healthy weight is.

At my kids school i would say a third of the kids (at least) are fatter than they ought to be. And these are 7 year olds (so beyond 'toddler fat') and aged 9ish (so, too early really to be developing puppy fat) both of which are forms of fat.
Euphemisms like stocky, well built, solid, strong - aren't helpful, some of the advice on here is really seriously dreadful.

CheshireChat · 22/05/2017 22:41

What's with the twilight zone tonight?! Of course the nursery should support you with this, but I'm guessing they don't want to because it means more work for them.

Even kids that are amazingly good at limiting their intake will overeat their favourite food. I mean, DS will not overeat anything, but give him any sort of juice or even milk and he'll certainly have too much.