Nursery overfeeding 3yo

[yorkshapudding]

DD(3.5) has been identified as being "a little bit overweight" (the HV's words) and I am keen to address this before it becomes a real problem.

She goes to a Nursery attached to the local primary school 3 days a week. She also attends breakfast club on those days. This is unavoidable due to my working hours. At breakfast they are given a choice of toast, cereal or both. They help themselves so portions aren't limited. There is also toast, fruit and milk available for morning and afternoon snack, again they help themselves. DD loves toast, would eat it all day if we let her. Same goes for milk.

When the problem with her weight was picked up we told Nursery about it and the Manager dismissed it as "rubbish" and told me to "ignore the HV" as DD "looks perfectly fine. I could see her point as DD does not look like a 'fat' child to me either, but I explained that DH and I don't want to disregard HCP advice so asked them to limit DD's bread and dairy intake as recommended by HV. Despite assurances, this hasn't happened and DD is still having several slices of toast a day (usually there, one at breakfast and one at each snack, but has been up to five slices in a day!) plus regular milk drinks. I have explained to the Nursery that we are concerned about this and I am met with assurances that it won't happen again and they will do everything they can to support us, but nothing changes.

At home we are being very careful with portion sizes, DD eats healthy, home cooked meals, she rarely snacks between meals, she doesn't have sugary drinks or sweets. Things like cake and ice cream are reserved for special occasions (meals out, parties etc) and given in small amounts. But I'm worried all our efforts will be for nothing if she's allowed to gorge herself three days a week and it's starting to frustrate me.

AIBU to expect the Nursery to work with us on this? I know they're busy and I don't want to be 'that parent'- but I don't want DD to be overweight either. When I go to the dreaded HV weigh in and am told "hmmm, she's still a bit overweight" I feel like they must think I'm a terrible mother, but I can't do anymore than I'm already doing

Are you meant to get your child weighed at that age? Whoops.

Honestly, yes the five toast slices is a bit mental, but the milk, it should be full fast. Fat ant bad!
Is there a way you can stop breakfast club? Like use a childminder who doesn't offer food? Or alter work hours so she does breakfast club less days?

Of course school should be onboard, but it really is bloody hard work early in the morning trying to stop children eating.

My DS could do endless toast when he was 3. I was always amazed how much he could eat, especially before a growth spurt. He's much older now and still hoovering it up, but perfectly slim. He's got endless energy so I think he just burns it all up.
I also recommend checking height.
I had HV tell me off for DS being overweight when he was little, then 'oh actually he's fine' when I asked to measure against height.

semi skimmed from age 2 (unless you need additional fat)
Milk is fine for a drink, but not pints of it through the day.
There's no real reason for a 3.5 year old to 'need' toast through the day to the degree the nursery are giving it to them. It's cheap shitty carbs, low cost crap (suspect it's cheap bread and not artisanny stuff)

3 days in the week is almost half a full week- many people on mumsnet have very odd ideas about portions, diet and overweight kids. I would ignore them and go with the hv's view and tell the nursery to pack it in. One slice per day, maximum. Wonder if the other parents know their kids are being filled with cheap carbs 2 X a day in addition to meals?

It's often recommended to switch to semi skimmed milk if a child is putting on too much weight, and the NHS advice is that semi skimmed is fine from age 2.

Not sure why some posters are so anti semi skimmed Fat is not "bad" as such but it's high calorie.

There's research to show that children up to the age of six have healthier weights on full fat milk than semi skimmed.

"Children who drank full-fat milk were likely to end up less hungry, researchers suggested, making them less likely to snack on high calorie foods."

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/11/16/children-who-drink-full-fat-milk-end-up-slimmer-than-those-on-sk/

The thing is it continues- breakfast club breakfasts are all white cheap bread, jam and horrible sugary cereals at the ones my children have attended. That on its own isn't going to make them huge, but if they have a bit of a portion control issue and pig out on carbs, plus seize the opportunity to have cakes and sweets wherever they can get them (school dinners, other people's houses, parties every weekend), it's easy for it all to add up incrementally to an overweight child.

How do you know how many slices?

I think you are right to be concerned and annoyed with the nursery OP. My ds overeats 3 days a week while he is with his dad and it has had a massive effect on his weight, despite me being strict with portion control and healthy foods while he's with me.
You are paying them and they should be doing as you ask with regard to your dd's diet. We all have a massively skewed idea of what a healthy weight is, and what appropriate portion sizes are for children.

Could your hv maybe plot your dd's weight on the centile chart and give you a print out that you could show them? My GP did this for me so I could show my xp the increase in my ds's weight relative to his height.

I'm sorry you are not receiving support from your nursery, it's difficult enough when your child is overweight without your efforts to address the problem being undermined bitter
Good luck

it is not ok for kids who are greedy (and some are) and who are prone to being tubby to be given free reign over the toast and milk.

Nobody needs 5 slices. A three year old certainly doesn't need 2 snacks of something of that type every day.

Marythorne....I so agree with you. Full fat milks fills up their tummy more. Suki..it does have more calories, yes, that's the point. Children need to grow. They need lots of calories to grow.

Oh also (and honestly I don't mean any disrespect to other posters) my ds was the same at 3 with regards to the amount of carbs he ate, and everyone (including my hv) told me not to be concerned and he would lose it as he got older. Well he hasn't, and now it's a really big problem.
Far easier to introduce healthier eating and portion sizes when they're small, rather than later when they're in school and have more awareness of their weight Did I mention I was bitter
You know your child best OP, and if you feel there's an issue trust yourself

@mumzypopz so do you think it's impossible for a 3yo to be overweight, or to eat too many calories? How about a 5yo? 10yo?

Suki. Of course not, but generally three year olds grow and lose it. My nephew was overweight at this age, he's now six foot and as skinny as a rake, which he has been since about five. It just dropped off him. Of course you can have overweight older children, but I think they are few and far between. The op has said her child looks fine, backed up by the nursery manager, so I wouldn't put her on a diet, no.

This is a tricky area. ds2 is at nursery 2 days a week (7.45-5.30isg). He has breakfast at home and again at nursery. Then lunch, tea and insists on dinner at home. He is 23mo. They are always giving him seconds ....of main (ok)and pudding (less ok unless fruit). I have repeated asked them not to give seconds of pudding to no avail. I have given up, on the grounds he is only there two days a week and not overweight at the moment. We will probably increase to 3 days when he is 3 so i might try again.
I would try just saying only fruit / milk for snacks. I think offering toast is probably a recipe for the kids not eating their meals!

My child has full fat milk in year Six, and eats loads (healthy and some unhealthy food, a good mix) but has masses of energy at does a sporting activity every night, so he needs it.

I'm with Suki on this one WRT the milk.

And OP YANBU, you sound like a very responsible parent. I completely agree with you and would do exactly the same. I would limit to 1 slice a day or one at breakfast club plus one at one snack time. If they still have an issue I would offer to send a more healthly snack in for her like carrot and cucumber sticks.

Unfortunateoh so many people have a blind spot when it comes to overweight children here and in real life. I hear 'there isn't an ounce of fat on him all the time' I look at the child and they are clearly overweight.

(HCP)

I'd be tempted to write down what you believe she is consuming in one day and how many calories that is coming to. Perhaps find a balance with the nursery and say "no more toast after the third slice" or something?

Toobreathless....do you not think they should have an "ounce of fat" in order to grow?

5 slices of toast in a day sounds excessive. The nursery should be offering alternatives and not be allowing children to fill up on (cheap) bread. Even if my child was very skinny I wouldn't be too happy about that. Do you otherwise love the nursery? If not, I'd be looking around for somewhere else.

But also, is it worth taking your DC to the GP for another opinion on the weight?

The nursery don't think she's overweight.

You don't think she's overweight.

Why are you prioritising the HV's opinion?

Some of them are fabulous & some of them shouldn't be in charge of a goldfish. If you don't trust your own or your nursery staffs opinions, then get a second opinion that you do trust.

However, that aside, if you want to control your DD's good, then you need to change nursery. They have a 'help yourself' system, singling out your DD in thatbenvironment is going to make an issue out of food, then you will have weight/food/eating issues.

Mumzypopz, you totally lost me at overweight children are few and far between. If you are actually posting from the fifties, please warn everyone back there about the child obesity epidemic that's coming down the line.

If she's no grossly obese then it's baby weight and she will drop it

Some terrible advice on here. Unfortunately, being overweight in childhood sets children up for diabetes and early heart disease so you are right to take this seriously, OP (I'm a GP). Obese children tend to grow up into obese adults.

Increasing activity levels will not reduce her weight: 80% of the calories we burn are not from activity but from normal body functions (breathing etc). It has been proven time and again that increasing exercise is not effective for weight reduction (though of course exercise is very good for her in other ways).

A 3 year old only needs 1000 kcalories per day and 3 slices of toast is about 300 kcals. With few glasses of milk, she is getting half her entire calories for the day, just in snacks. If she has butter and jam on the toast, it will be even more. No wonder you are struggling to get her to lose weight.

It sounds as if the nursery staff need to step up, educate themselves about healthy eating and childhood obesity.

Thank you for all the responses. To answer some of the questions or points.

The slices of toast I am referring to (between 3 and 5 a day) is in addition to not instead of her packed lunch that she takes to nursery.

No, I don't have to go to the weigh ins. It's been recommended by HV because she was identified as slightly overwheight at her two year check, that I take her to be weighed every 3 months. So that's what I'm doing.

I don't think I'm "super controlling" about her diet. She enjoys a wide range of foods. As a family we don't tend to eat a lot of convenience food because DH and I both like to cook, but we all enjoy our food.

No, I don't think the HV has got it wrong. I have checked, she plotted her weight correctly. She doesn't look 'fat' to me, but I'm her Mum and studies have shown that parents are unable to be be objective when it comes to their child's weight. No, she's not obese, she's in the right size clothes for her age etc. health visitor is just that saying she's slightly overweight and to nip it in he bud now rather than face bigger problems down the road.

The health visitor is a healthcare professional with training and experience and that is presumably why the OP is prioritising her opinion over her own and that of a nursery manager. I agree that what they are offering at nursery is excessive and i would write to them as others have said.

I also wanted to agree that after 2 it is fine to give a child semi skimmed milk. If your DD is still drinking whole milk then this is an easy change you could make and the nursery should have made it too. My DD has followed the 50th line in her red book most of her life and she switched to semi skimmed at that age so she isn't in need of extra fat as other posters suggest.

At home we are being very careful with portion sizes, DD eats healthy, home cooked meals, she rarely snacks between meals,

..and that is what is causing the problem. If you are cooking her healthy meals you do not need to control the portion sizes! A mid morning snack is recommended for under 5s too. I think the problem here is you and the poor kids gets it while it's going at nursery! If you think she's a bit of a chubster get her moving more!