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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DF needs to stop going on dates for free food?

125 replies

SayHelloDoris · 20/05/2017 11:07

Bit of background info...

Friend is newly single by about 4 weeks. Recently she's starting going on dates to have dinners. She set up an online dating profile, is completely truthful with photos and descriptions etc.

She always meets with the ones offering dinner. She's also very good at sussing if they're going to pay, and will find this out quite accurately in a discrete/non direct way.

I originally thought it was a fab idea Until I realised these men might be quite saddened to realise she doesn't want to see them again - She is beautiful and holds great conversations. Who wouldn't want to see her again?!

As by to say she isn't being fair? She knows I'm posting on Mumsnet and thinks over ladies will back her up

OP posts:

Mrsmadevans · 20/05/2017 14:57

I shouldn't worry op she will soon put on a heap of weight from all the free dinners and I don't suppose the 'poor' men will be as keen to hang on to her every word when shes a stone or two heavier

Wecks · 20/05/2017 14:57

I thought DF meant your father and had visions of elderly widower starting dating.

SherlockStones · 20/05/2017 14:59

Your friend is pathetic.

Joey7t8 · 20/05/2017 15:07

*She - and women like her - go out on dates for free dinner and drinks.

Some men go on dates for a free shag.

Meh. Six of one and all that..........*

Who ARE these terrible men that get free sex with women because of, you know, mutual attraction and sexual desire?!

Won't someone think of the hard working hookers that are losing the business of these tight fisted, free loading bar-stewards!

likeababyelephant · 20/05/2017 15:10

Not long before your friends selling her body for money.

WaitingYetAgain · 20/05/2017 15:50

I don't like it as they are going with one set of intentions and she is going with another. I'd be really annoyed if someone did this to me as I'd be wasting my time on them (and money).

Fair enough if the men just want company and she is honest about what she wants. From what you've posted though, they are looking for someone in a boyfriend/girlfriend way, not pure NSA companionship for one evening like a sexless escort.

Also, I really don't see the attraction of keep going to dinner with random men. I wouldn't enjoy it in the way I would with someone I was connected with.

AhYerWill · 20/05/2017 15:58

If she was honest about her intentions/expectations upfront, how many of these men would still buy her dinner? If it's not 100% then she's knowingly deceiving at least some of them and I'm pretty sure scamming someone isn't helping them.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 20/05/2017 15:58

Oh I'd laugh if her next unfortunate date did a runner before the bill came, leaving her to pay it

SleepFreeZone · 20/05/2017 16:04

Marmalade where does your sister store all her 'stuff' if she sofa surfs primarily.

I don't have a problem with your friend using horny blokes as meal ticket. I guess the only risk she takes is if she pisses off a psycho or if she finds herself in a compromising position one day but she sounds too sensible for that.

wiselyvanilla · 20/05/2017 16:13

I imagine she has put on quite a bit of weight!

worridmum · 20/05/2017 16:13

So men looking for a relentionship are horny blokes? does that make women looking for company horny women?

Shes a disgusting female gold digger, I do hope she comes unstuck when her date refuses to pay for her meal or even if they skip out and make her pay for the lot.

Grilledaubergines · 20/05/2017 16:18

So she's abusing the generosity of men. She sounds lovely. has no morals

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 20/05/2017 16:20

I don't have a problem with your friend using horny blokes as meal ticket

Yes, all men on dates are just horny bastards after just one thing. The idea that some of them might be looking for a relationship is just plainly absurd!

Andylion · 20/05/2017 16:22

nelipotter it's online dating. (I made the same mistake the first time I saw "OLD". )

Bluntness100 · 20/05/2017 16:24

It sounds such a sad way to live though. I feel sorry for her. Going out with strange men she has no interest in simply so she can have a free dinner and drinks.

Does she not have many friends and a poor social life?

As said,I ssupect she isn't doing this for the free food, a meal with someone you're not interested in is tedious even if it's free. As such I suspect she's just saying this as a way to big herself up to you when in reality these men aren't interested in a second date so she's spinning it to "oh I was only there for the free food" .

kali110 · 20/05/2017 16:25

I think she is a really shallow and pathetic person. Id be very shamed.
I feel sorry for the blokes wasting their time and money on her.

Emmageddon · 20/05/2017 16:28

I had to ask what old was once, as well, I assumed it was online dating for the elderly.

Back on topic, one of these days, this woman is going to get bored of dining with a series of dull men. It's only been 4 weeks. If it boosts her ego to go out with a succession of people, then good for her, but she must be aware that some creepy men might expect sex after shelling out for pie and chips, and won't be happy when she skips off laughing. Or waddles off, because eating out a lot invariably means she'll get a bit lardy after a bit.

kali110 · 20/05/2017 16:34

Why is it wrong to go on a date and make him pay, why can't a woman only want to go out on a date if she knows the bloke will have enough about him to be willing to pay, it says a lot about what he will be like once you get further into a relationship. would you really want a pennypincher as a husband?
What a load of crap.
I refused to let any guy iv been on a date with pay completely for me.
I don't need a man to.
My dh Isn't tightfisted in anyway, but
not every woman is happy to let a man pay for her.

SleepFreeZone · 20/05/2017 16:34

Didn't OP say she was using POF? If so then yep the majority of them are horny (and married).

Bluntness100 · 20/05/2017 16:35

The more I think about her the less I think she should be criticised for this and more pitied. Everyone knows a night out with a stranger you have no interest in is not fun and doesn't compare to a night out with good friends or a partner you love or fancy something silly. Sitting there with a complete stranger, who you've no interest in or who you know has no interest in you, thinking well at least I get free food, is soul destroying.

I'd try to help with her social life. If she has more on, she would be less inclined to meet men she has no interest in or who have no interest in her and spend an evening in their company. If she's a good friend I'd try to help her out and see past the spin to what is a really sad situation.

MistySparrow · 20/05/2017 16:37

So she's an escort effectively - but dishonest into the bargain. Must remember to train the kids up to avoid women like this.

WineAndTiramisu · 20/05/2017 16:42

I'm not sure this is the whole story, surely no one can be bothered to spend the evening with sometime they're not interested in just for a free meal?
I think she's probably using it as a confidence boost, but I certainly don't think she's doing them a favour as a 'practice run'!

I feel quite sorry for her if this is how she has fun really...

NoLoveofMine · 20/05/2017 16:48

I refused to let any guy iv been on a date with pay completely for me.

Indeed, I don't know anyone who'd want a boy to pay on a date, quite the opposite. Unless it's a special occasion like being taken out for a birthday (which would apply the other way round too) then there's absolutely no reason for one person to pay routinely for the other.

ChristmasFluff · 20/05/2017 16:53

I hope she falls head over heels for one of these men and then finds out he was just using her for dating practice.

Biscuitybase · 20/05/2017 17:21

Why are so many saying she's "selling herself" or implying that she's engaging in prostitution? The whole point is that she's getting something for free. She isn't sleeping with them in exchange for food!

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