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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DF needs to stop going on dates for free food?

125 replies

SayHelloDoris · 20/05/2017 11:07

Bit of background info...

Friend is newly single by about 4 weeks. Recently she's starting going on dates to have dinners. She set up an online dating profile, is completely truthful with photos and descriptions etc.

She always meets with the ones offering dinner. She's also very good at sussing if they're going to pay, and will find this out quite accurately in a discrete/non direct way.

I originally thought it was a fab idea Grin Until I realised these men might be quite saddened to realise she doesn't want to see them again - She is beautiful and holds great conversations. Who wouldn't want to see her again?!

As by to say she isn't being fair? She knows I'm posting on Mumsnet and thinks over ladies will back her up Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
SayHelloDoris · 20/05/2017 11:29

witch Oh no, I agree with you! There are lots of fabulous women online but surely it's sensible to keep in mind that many really aren't sincere?

It is the Internet after all and a lot of deception goes on.

OP posts:
silkpyjamasallday · 20/05/2017 11:31

I knew girls like this at uni, they would agree to dates with boys they had absolutely no romantic interest in so they wouldn't have to pay for their drinks, it served as free predrinking before a night out. I felt sorry for the boys especially as a student budget doesn't go far. It's really not a nice thing to do at all, and does nothing for societies perception of women in general.

CandleLit · 20/05/2017 11:34

Seems like a lot of effort to go through for free food. Especially if she can actually afford it.

Scholes34 · 20/05/2017 11:38

Am preparing my sons to be wary of such women.

Trills · 20/05/2017 11:40

She must have very low standards of "who she would like to talk to for two-three hours".

I avoid dinner dates as first dates, sometimes people who seem perfectly nice and interesting online are people who I want to not talk to any more after one drink.

Pistachiois50pmore · 20/05/2017 11:40

I imagine she's being a little glib for comic effect. Saying "I just like the free dinner!" isn't a million miles away from "I just like getting dressed up and taken out for dinner, it doesn't matter if I'm never going to see them again!" but I can imagine saying the former to a friend to make them laugh and maybe feel a bit less awkward than if I said the latter, which with some people might lead to an "awwww hun, hugs, you'll meet someone sooooon" when you really don't want sympathy.

Also OLD is full of people doing variations on this, both sexes. I met several men who had been "on the site" for years and clearly just viewed a pool of datable women to be instead of having a girlfriend, not a necessary step towards getting one. No harm being done, really - it's just the ways of modern dating.

littlefurrysheep · 20/05/2017 11:41

If she can tolerate the dullards, fair play to her

Trills · 20/05/2017 11:43

I can't find much botheredness for the men involved.

I would advice both men and women to remember that you do not know this person, and there is a good chance that the first date will be the only date. Do not do anything on a first date that they you regret doing if it turns out that the other person doesn't want to see you again.

Mexxi · 20/05/2017 11:48

So your friend thinks she's doing these men a favour by ''giving them a confidence boost'? Talk about being up your own arse.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/05/2017 11:57

"Eew having to sit with some potentially boring fart for several hours just to get free food? No thanks. confused"

Yes, this is what I don't get. I suspect she's enjoying the dates, just not sure about going further, which is fine imo.

MargotLovedTom1 · 20/05/2017 12:00

Marmalade how is Plenty of Fish a substitute for Right Move? Confused

PigletJohn · 20/05/2017 12:05

We need better "user reviews" facilities.

KungFuEric · 20/05/2017 12:13

What would she do when the bill arrives and the man informs her her share is £X?

BorisTrumpsHair · 20/05/2017 12:14

She's newly single.

I think she is just saying she is doing it for the free food. In reality it is the OP's friend seeking the confidence boost.

Marmalade85 · 20/05/2017 12:15

Margot my sister is unbelievably lazy and won't work or find somewhere to rent and lives on people's couches. She uses dating apps for free dinner but also tries to move in with them.

AssassinatedBeauty · 20/05/2017 12:19

She's not being completely honest though, as she's not saying that she's not up for any kind of relationship! So these men are turning up and paying for her dinner under a false hope that they might be able to pursue a relationship when the reality is there's no chance. It's not a very nice thing to do.

MargotLovedTom1 · 20/05/2017 12:25

Marmalade Shock

jeaux90 · 20/05/2017 12:27

It's not the 1950's she should be splitting the bill. I'd be tearing strips off a friend that behaved like that.

Marmalade ShockShock

Marmalade85 · 20/05/2017 12:47

Yes. She has succeeded in moving in at least twice until they dump her because she doesn't even bother to carry a purse/money.

Marmalade85 · 20/05/2017 12:49

She's a female cocklodger.

Also I have heard of at least two other people that have gone on 'dates' only to be used as somewhere to crash for the night.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/05/2017 13:12

PuppyMonkey
Eew having to sit with some potentially boring fart for several hours just to get free food? No thanks. confused

I think that you have completely missed the point.

OhhBetty · 20/05/2017 13:22

She doesn't sound like a very nice person tbh. Using people for money/food is an awful quality and I intentionally don't have friends like that. What a waste of their time as well!
And who on earth wouldn't split the bill? When I was dating I never did dinner as a first date as I find it too much so would do drinks instead. Even then if they bought me one I would buy the next round. I believe in equality in all areas of life. We don't get to choose as it suits us! And would feel highly uncomfortable not paying my way anyway.

HildaOg · 20/05/2017 13:36

If she's going to blatantly date men for what she can get from them then she should go on a sugar daddy website and find a man seeking that (so no deception) and get a lot more than dinner. If she's going to degrade herself then she should at least have a lot of money/new car/nice jewellery at the end of it. There's a word for that btw...

Pretending that she's genuinely interested to get men to take her out is pure nasty. They'll realise by the end of the date what she's about. Most men nowadays will view a woman who doesn't put her hand in her pocket at any time during the date as a gold digger.

She's very deluded to assume they're learning how to date from her. They're not. They're just learning how grabby, cheap and insincere this particular individual is.

This could (likely will) backfire on her later. In old we're looking for people from the same area and we should be mindful that it's quite common for people to join because their friends are doing it. Which means we're likely to chat to and meet people who are friends with people we've already chatted to and met. So for every guy she fucks over, all his friends will hear about it. If she meets someone she likes and wants a relationship with, there's a chance that one or more of his friends will have been on the receiving end of her 'dating education', he will see an arrogant, deluded gold digger and run.

Reputation is important and we earn it with our behaviour.

Xmasbaby11 · 20/05/2017 13:38

That's not nice. But she must be happy for their company. Did you think she would see a man again if she liked him?

Ellisandra · 20/05/2017 13:39

What a user.
And up her own arse too.

If this is actually true, not said in jest by her (and it's funny as a joke even) it would taint my friendship with her.

She's just not very nice, is she?