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Original poster

To think DF needs to stop going on dates for free food?

125 replies

SayHelloDoris · 20/05/2017 11:07

Bit of background info...

Friend is newly single by about 4 weeks. Recently she's starting going on dates to have dinners. She set up an online dating profile, is completely truthful with photos and descriptions etc.

She always meets with the ones offering dinner. She's also very good at sussing if they're going to pay, and will find this out quite accurately in a discrete/non direct way.

I originally thought it was a fab idea Grin Until I realised these men might be quite saddened to realise she doesn't want to see them again - She is beautiful and holds great conversations. Who wouldn't want to see her again?!

As by to say she isn't being fair? She knows I'm posting on Mumsnet and thinks over ladies will back her up Grin

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 20/05/2017 13:42

I've heard it all now. She thinks she's doing them a favour. What a shallow, arrogant user.

Bluntness100 · 20/05/2017 13:48

She thinks she is providing some form of service to these men by giving them dating experience? Hmm

I think it's very shallow and greedy, it's really not a nice thing to do and says a lot about her as a person, that she would use people this way.

If she paid her way fair enough, but this is just horrible really. Is she a user and a taker in other areas of her life too?

RavenBlack · 20/05/2017 13:51

She - and women like her - go out on dates for free dinner and drinks.

Some men go on dates for a free shag.

Meh. Six of one and all that..........

Bluntness100 · 20/05/2017 13:52

She - and women like her - go out on dates for free dinner and drinks.. Some men go on dates for a free shag

And then they wonder why they are single...Confused

PeanutButterBunny · 20/05/2017 13:55

So she's like an escort, except they paid her with food and drinks Hmm

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/05/2017 13:57

RavenBlack
She - and women like her - go out on dates for free dinner and drinks.

Some men go on dates for a free shag.

some women go on dates for a free shag as well.
some women also sit at bars cuddling up to men for a free drink

so should it be 3/4 of one and 1/4 of the other?

But Strangely enough none of these are right and they are all (i suspect) deficient in some way.

leighdinglady · 20/05/2017 13:58

Maybe that's just what she's telling you because she's embarrassed to admit she's lonely and struggling after he breakup???

Mustang27 · 20/05/2017 14:07

lol I love your friend. Free food is awesome.

pigeondujour · 20/05/2017 14:08

*I can't find much botheredness for the men involved.

I would advice both men and women to remember that you do not know this person, and there is a good chance that the first date will be the only date. Do not do anything on a first date that they you regret doing if it turns out that the other person doesn't want to see you again.*

Exactly this.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 20/05/2017 14:16

Well, she does see it as them getting experience of getting out there any meeting new women, she even sees it as a confidence boost for them so they have some dates under their belt before meeting a potential sincere date

What. The. Fuck.
Does your friend seriously think that she's providing some kind of charitable service? That she's helping these 'poor men' with their social skills in exchange for dinner? Hmm

If that's the case then why not be upfront about it? Why not tell these men what she's doing? Is it because she knows fine well that her motives aren't that pure and that she's deliberately misrepresenting her motives in order to get them to pay for dinner and an evening out? Your 'friend' sounds like a low class scam artist who needs to grow up and stop conning people who think they've gone on a genuine date to try and find a relationship.

But hey, what the fuck does she care as long as she gets some poor sap to foot the bill for her 3 courses plus drinks? I mean what's a bit of emotional exploitation if it gets you a free dinner?

5moreminutes · 20/05/2017 14:22

I suspect people of both sexes have done similar since long before the dawn of the internet.

I also suspect there are tons of people using OLD for far worse things, and it is very much a case of "buyer beware" (buyer of dinner in this case) if you pay for anything for somebody you don't already know fairly well.

People who are outraged - if these are men who are insisting on paying for dinner (presumably aiming to impress in some way...) what do you think she should doing in return for her dinner? ...

I second (third, fourth) agreement that this:

I would advice both men and women to remember that you do not know this person, and there is a good chance that the first date will be the only date. Do not do anything on a first date that they you regret doing if it turns out that the other person doesn't want to see you again.

posted up thread is excellent advice...

Bluntness100 · 20/05/2017 14:23

Maybe that's just what she's telling you because she's embarrassed to admit she's lonely and struggling after he breakup???

I suspect this too. Maybe she is embarrassed the men don't want to see her again so she is using this line?

NotYoda · 20/05/2017 14:24

I am immediately suspicious of posters who use the term ladies

Bluntness100 · 20/05/2017 14:25

People who are outraged - if these are men who are insisting on paying for dinner (presumably aiming to impress in some way...) what do you think she should doing in return for her dinner?

Wtf? Do you mean other than be sincere and go to the date with the intention of getting to know the person and being open to a relationship and not just there for the free food?

I can't believe someone actually wrote that. Doing something is return for her dinner??? Ffs.

MatildaTheCat · 20/05/2017 14:33

peanut says exactly what I was thinking. If these men just wanted company for dinner they could hire an escort. Very unfair on anyone sincerely looking for a partner anduncomfortably close to selling yourself for a dinner.

She needs to spend some time alone and learn to value herself above fancy dinners. It will be sex next and that's pretty close to prostituting yourself.

Mummmy2017 · 20/05/2017 14:36

Why is it wrong to go on a date and make him pay, why can't a woman only want to go out on a date if she knows the bloke will have enough about him to be willing to pay, it says a lot about what he will be like once you get further into a relationship. would you really want a pennypincher as a husband?

And if you don't go on first dates how are you too know if you like the guy, have you not read the research about 1st dates and how a male who expects to go halfs the first time you eat mean he has less respect for you.

No this is not about how we feel about ourselves, but about deciding if someone has the IT factor.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 20/05/2017 14:42

Cheap, dishonest, freeloading, scummy behaviour in my books.

Januarie · 20/05/2017 14:44

That's really horrible behaviour. My brother is doing OLD at the moment and always pays for dinner. I hate to think of him being exploited by some grabby sponger who messes with his head and feelings. Some people are just nasty I suppose.

expatinscotland · 20/05/2017 14:44

It's her business, and if they're fool enough to stump up, well, that's their lookout.

It's really none of your business what she needs to do.

WimbledonMum1 · 20/05/2017 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 20/05/2017 14:46

Why is it wrong to go on a date and make him pay, why can't a woman only want to go out on a date if she knows the bloke will have enough about him to be willing to pay, it says a lot about what he will be like once you get further into a relationship. would you really want a pennypincher as a husband?

What a load of drivel.

So you see no irony in calling a man a penny pincher when you steadfastly refuse to open your purse ona date? Or are you one of these princesses who thinks 'they are worth it'?

GloriaGilbert · 20/05/2017 14:46

What a piece of work. Gross.

NetflixandBill · 20/05/2017 14:50

Is it not just a way of building her confidence up towards wanting a new relationship? Telling herself that it's 'just dinner' and a bit of fun means that she doesn't get overly invested, which is a common pitfall with online dating. Are you sure she would definitely refuse to see someone again if they genuinely hit it off??

Emmageddon · 20/05/2017 14:54

She's almost certainly suffering after her recent break-up and dinner dating is boosting her fragile ego. One of these days, her dining companion will have his card declined and she'll have to foot the bill. Or she'll meet a man she really likes, and he gives her the 'it's not you, it's me talk' afterwards.

nelipotter · 20/05/2017 14:54

What is 'old' dating? Am I missing something? Two people have mentioned it now. Is it just older dating or a different app or something?

Also, I think it's totally fair to just enjoy going out to dinner with people for the company and entertainment - but pretty shit to deliberately target only those that will cover the bill.
I would probably accept if someone offered to pay and I had good vibes about it, whether or not I planned on meeting again. But I would never expect/presume/plan for that.

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