To use the disabled loo when I'm with my son?

[RestingBitch]

My sons 9 months and obviously still in his pushchair. The majority of the time it's just me and him when I go into town/visit places. When I need the loo I get an attack of conscious, I normally use the disabled loo so I can bring him in with me.
Can't use a regular loo as I can't get him in the cubicle in his chair. Don't want to take him out of his pushchair and plonk him on the floor as the floors are manky and he will eat whatever is on the floor. He'll also probably try and crawl under the gap and interrupt someone else. Don't really like the idea of leaving him in his pushchair whilst I nip in the cubicle, so providing there isn't someone waiting for the disabled loos, AIBU to use them? I'm usually in and out and so far I've never encountered anyone waiting for one, or the impatient rattle of the door. If I am being unreasonable, short of pissing myself what's the options?

Not a troll, and don't work for any newspapers :).

Yeah all the special snowflake stuff can fuck off tbh, no one would use the disabled toilet if the normal toilet was as easy, there's always "a" reason, obviously some reasons are made are more valid than others but I don't see how slagging off anxious mums helps anything.

I have reported individual posts, I am not trying to ban discussion. I am still suspicious of anyone who starts a goady subject thread at a time when mnhq are know to be OOO though.

I'm talking about people who can cope by leaving their child outside and are using baby-snatchers as an excuse

But what makes you think they're using it as an excuse? I was diagnosed with anxiety way before my kids came on the scene but many mothers who don't even suffer from anxiety have completely irrational fears about their baby that controls their mind. I wouldn't say that all mothers have a diagnosed form of anxiety but I would argue that majority have fears about their baby being harmed, dying, snatched etc. it's extremely common and I don't know anyone in real life who would ever leave their child outside a toilet cubicle. You don't need to necessarily have anxiety for these fears to be inside of you. It's just so common with mothers so what other alternative is there for them other than to use the disabled toilet?

It's sad to see such spiteful comments aimed at mothers who have fears like this. 'Precious' 'entitled' 'selfish' 'thinks their child is the messiah' etc. you can't expect mothers to be understanding and more compassionate when such vitriol is shown to them for a very real fear no matter how irrational it seems.

Of course if you don't have this fear or any form of anxiety and it wouldn't bother you to leave your child outside the cubicle then you should do that, but I don't think these people are in the majority at all. As for holding baby and peeing etc. kudos to those of you who can do that but I most certainly wouldn't be able to clean myself and get my clothes back on with a wriggling baby in one arm.

Mychild

And why do you think yours and your 'snowflakes' anxiety trumps someone elses?

You don't know the person using the toilet before you or their circumstances, so what gives you the right to be angry?

I look perfectly able from the outside, I won't bore you with the details of my disabilities but I would get 'tutted' at or shouted at if you saw me exiting the accessible toilets.

If people just had some compassion and understanding then there wouldn't be any problem.

Very few people make an active choice to be "entitled" (mn bingo!), it comes about through not thinking. Because you don't have to think about it.

Why is it goady? Many mums here have admitted to using the disabled loo unthinkingly and it's been good to hear others' thoughts, I will now aim to use the normal toilets where possible myself.

It is generally suspicious when someone starts a thread on a controversial subject, at a time when mnhq arent in the office, and then doesn't come back to it for three and a half hours.

Emphasis on generally

Thetart because my child (who is now not a child) has multiple disabilities that make their life more difficult every day of their life for the rest of their life.

Your baby will grow up, and unless they have disabilities themselves, your "need" to use the disabled toilet is temporary.

I suffer from anxiety that my poor child will shit themself. Because some entitled mummie with a snowflake uses facilities they've no right to be in

My child suffers anxiety about shitting themself. Let's play anxiety top trumps.

mychild

I'm thankful not everyone is as vile as you are on this thread because honestly I don't think I would of given two shits about the implication on other people if comments like these were spouted out and my anxiety dismissed. For someone who is seemingly passionate about this subject you are not doing your cause any favor whatsoever. Grow up.

Let's NOT play anxiety top trumps. Let's just be a decent human being with compassion and open mindedness that the world does not revolve around your child. I am so sorry that your poor child suffers and I would never want to put them in a position where they soil themselves I can assure you. But when their is no other alternative for mothers like myself who suffer from anxiety, are bursting for the loo and on the verge of letting it out, we are entitled to use those facilities for a few minutes. Similarly if the baby changing facilities are in there.

Mychild more difficult than mine, or dawndonnas or strawberrys? How do you gauge that? Who's playing top trumps now?

Your baby will grow up, and unless they have disabilities themselves, your "need" to use the disabled toilet is temporary

Yes that's correct it is temporary, so what's the problem with using it when it's needed even if it's temporary? Why do you only want people who will need the facilities for the rest of their life to use it? How bizzare.

Anyone who has a disability is entitled to use a disabled toilet.

Unless your anxiety is such that you are classified as disabled, then you aren't entitled to use it.

I would have thought that was common sense.

You have a very black & white way of viewing things. And your dismissiveness of anxiety is offensive.

Unless things have changed in the last 20 years, having a baby is not classed as a disability, in and of itself?

Very few people make an active choice to be "entitled" (mn bingo!), it comes about through not thinking. Because you don't have to think about it

This.

I completely agree. But beyond you did say you begrudge the parents who use baby snatching as an excuse to use the disabled facilities. But why do you think it's an excuse? Yes it seems far fetched and irrational but I would argue most parents, anxiety or not, have this fear and are fiercely over protective of their children and would never be comfortable with leaving their child outside the cubicle. These thoughts are irrational and intrusive but very real. Why is it being side lined and belittled as an 'excuse'?

*Please also think about the many people with disabilities who have no choice but to use disabled toilets. If they aren't available I wouldn't be able to go out ever.

That is what people are saying. I have no choice.*
This

i would like to knoe how many times accident has happened to disabled person due to mother or father being in disabled toliet
Are you actually serious

I bet if some of you had a disability you wouldn't be this ignorant.
I agree with another poster, So sad that you are raising kids to be this ignorant.

Yanbu to use accessible toilets, the only ones I've ever used have had baby changing tables and those pull down child seats with harness.
If there is a toilet that is designated only for disabled users ywbu to use those, I guess those are the ones that require a radar key anyway? So you couldn't if you wanted to.

I am anything but dismissive of anxiety.

Unless your anxiety is such as to be classified as a disability (which some people's is but the vast majority of new parents who are worried about leaving their baby is not as they are not receiving treatment or medication and/or support around their anxiety) then you have no right to be in the disabled toilets.

My child has multiple invisible disabilities that mean they DO need to use the disabled toilet, anxiety being one, amongst many.

Of course it's not viewed as a disability mychild but as a PP said your attitude towards anxiety is disgusting. You clearly have no clue how severe it can be. You seem to want sympathy for your child and your situation but put down others.

So if I had diarrhea, a urine infection etc I wouldn't be entitled to use the disabled toilet because I haven't been diagnosed with anything? Is that what your saying? Because it's temporary I just have to suck it up and wait for regular cubicles, shit myself, or not go out?

Mental health doesn't always have to be diagnosed to be there, it is so common for mothers to have this fear and can absolutely have an affect on daily life. Sorry but your child's physical disability does not trump someone else's mental health. Whether it's on a piece of paper or not.

There really needs to be compassion on both sides.

What solution though DawnDonna? If there is no other toilet with a large enough cubicle or suitable access provided what else can parents do?

If you can't even get the pushchair into the toilet (twins anyone?!) it's unreasonable to expect a parent to leave them outside the toilet completely where you can't even hear them let alone see them. Sometimes there's not anyone around you could ask to watch them for 2 mins and even if there was, it's not unreasonable for a parent to not want to leave their kids in a strangers hands. Even if you get the pushchair in, most parents aren't comfortable leaving their baby out of sight in a busy toilet whilst they go in a cubicle, which again is not unreasonable. No one should have to pee with a door open. Basic privacy is everyone's right. None of these things are precious, they are perfectly normal parenting responses. So what reasonable solution is there available?

In an ideal world all toilets would have plenty of room to get pushchairs/prams in and an extra large cubicle to accommodate them or indeed someone anyone who needs extra room as well as a separate disabled loo. Until then some times people genuinely have no choice but to use the accessible toilet occasionally. I'd like to think people don't do it out of laziness or because they don't care about others but because they literally have no other way of using a toilet. I'm sure some do however.

Where's the compassion for my child from the entitled parents who use the disabled toilets to BF and change children just because no one is waiting at the moment they decide to go in?

mychild you are dismissive of any type of anxiety that you don't understand.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. You don't get to decide who has a 'right' to be using these facilities, thankfully.

Disabled people have the right to use disabled facilities.

Anyone else can jog on.

If you're not disabled, don't use the disabled facilities. Simples, innit.

No it's not fucking "simples", as pp have said there are numerous reasons why someone might temporarily need to use an accessible toilet. Jesus Christ.