To use the disabled loo when I'm with my son?

[RestingBitch]

My sons 9 months and obviously still in his pushchair. The majority of the time it's just me and him when I go into town/visit places. When I need the loo I get an attack of conscious, I normally use the disabled loo so I can bring him in with me.
Can't use a regular loo as I can't get him in the cubicle in his chair. Don't want to take him out of his pushchair and plonk him on the floor as the floors are manky and he will eat whatever is on the floor. He'll also probably try and crawl under the gap and interrupt someone else. Don't really like the idea of leaving him in his pushchair whilst I nip in the cubicle, so providing there isn't someone waiting for the disabled loos, AIBU to use them? I'm usually in and out and so far I've never encountered anyone waiting for one, or the impatient rattle of the door. If I am being unreasonable, short of pissing myself what's the options?

Not a troll, and don't work for any newspapers :).

True colours. Calm down, I went to bed. Apologies. I'm off to work at 9, and get back about 3ish, might not log into mn until tonight so don't just assume Ive fucked off anywhere.

I don't think any parent would ask a total stranger to look after their child.

Thank you for everyone's input. I genuinely didn't mean to offend everyone, it was a genuine question.

So having read the way people with disabilities can suffer due to misuse of facilities are you going to stop using them?

I haven't read the whole thread.

Where are people going that there are separate changing and disabled facilities? I think I've come across these about 4 times- Westfield and a few service stations perhaps. So almost all the time, there's a built in conflict between users. Like on buses- where it is perfectly feasible to design a bus that has space for wheelchairs and also some extra to accommodate pushchairs, shopping trolleys, big luggage etc- but they aren't designed that way. I'd wager that's largely because most designers are a)people without a disability and b)not familiar with trying to change a baby and take a toddler for a wee at the same time (probably men).

So, if you want to change your baby on a table, and have somewhere to put a soiled nappy, you have to use these facilities. I do think it's also up to people with small children to lobby public buildings (and train companies! they're the worst offenders) to increase the provision here as well, in the same way disabled people have had to. A 'family toilet' would be a good idea with a small child sized loo, changing table and a chair you could strap one child into while tending to the other. Maybe this would be a good Mumsnet campaign.

The ire, I think, is best directed at the providers of the toilets, rather than individuals who are probably all trying to make the best decision on any given day.

Or perhaps the elderly people are disabled and have an actual need for the facilities?

Such a heated issue! I personally don't think yabu, I'm not sure how else you'd go to the toilet when you're alone with your child?

Many places have a combined toilet for disabled and baby changing, so both have a right to use that service.

If you're out shopping and you know there is somewhere, like a John Lewis or mothercare which offers large toilets for parents, then use them, but that isn't always an option.

Only last week we went out for lunch and I had to ask for the disabled toilet access key so that I could change my child, as they were both the same facility, I was doing nothing wrong.

I'm glad someone has mentioned post natal anxiety, I suffered after my daughter was born and it would have been far too much to leave her outside the cubical. I think I would have just stayed at home if I thought I couldn't take her into a disabled toilet with changing facilities if I needed to, and avoiding going out definitely doesn't help. So, please think about that before making all these comments about precious snowflakes and not being fit to be a parent if you can't use a regular toilet!

Gosh I think for a lot of people it's genuine ignorance rather than wilfully being selfish, as many others have said the baby changing and disabled toilet are often combined so it's become sort of ingrained in my head that it's ok to pop in there.

I've never found someone waiting outside or had someone trying to get in whilst I've been in there.

Whilst I'm not comparing being a new mum in ANY way to being disabled it can be quite daunting doing every day stuff in the beginning and having spaces like that to use so help. With my next I'll make an effort to use the normal toilet.

I'd really like someone to link me to the legislation stating that all disabled toilets (note. With ladies and gents also there and not in a shop where it's the only toilet, neither one where it's the only baby change) are "accessible to everyone" rather than "accessible for people with disabilities"

Cheers :)

So, please think about that before making all these comments about precious snowflakes and not being fit to be a parent if you can't use a regular toilet!

Please also think about the many people with disabilities who have no choice but to use disabled toilets. If they aren't available I wouldn't be able to go out ever.

That is what people are saying. I have no choice.

Also, where do you draw the line? I've seen many many elderly people using the disabled toilets purely because it's less of a queue.

Or they don't want to tell a complete stranger that they have a disability.

I didn't realise having a child was a disability.

¯\(ツ)/¯

(YABU, btw, but I'm sure you realise that after 16 pages.)

This wouldn't occur to me. My father is wheelchair bound after a stroke and if he needs to go he needs to go and trust me his courtesy filter has removed itself so you're going to get an ear bashing when you get out if he's waiting

I have put me and my 2 kids in a cubicle, I have noticed a lot of places have bigger cubicles now.

I have also got the kids to stand outside the door and not move so I can see both their feet. Obviously with a smaller one that's going to be hard. I'd leave the buggy out my coat down and put baby on coat in front if me in cubicle, there are lots of solutions if you think

If the baby change is in the toilet that's not the issue some people are missing the point

The range of different circumstances indicate in my opinion that each case is different, the vast majority of people are rational and apply common sense. Clearly using a toilet that allows greater access depends on the particular situation, no one is being selfish or ignorant they are making a judgment and whilst people may not agree they were not there at the time so cannot know the exact circumstances

My rule is, if they have a baby change then I'll use them. If they are purely disabled toilets then I don't. I have left my buggy outside the toilet door in normal toilets too.

I wonder whether the parents who think it's perfectly OK to use disabled facilities because it is tricky to use ordinary ones get riled up because people use P&C parking spaces because the ordinary ones are tricky...

I got a real telling off from a lady in a wheelchair in McDonald's for using the changing table in the disabled toilet to change my baby's nappy.
But it was the only option and I told her she should shout at the manager, not me.

Are we expected to know who have hidden disabilities? Should they wear a huge funny hat? How do people know I don't have hidden disabilities?

Common sense. I wouldn't use disabled toilet if there is someone who's clearly disabled or someone who ask me to use it, but under all other circumstances especially if there is a queue, of course I'll use it!

Parking space use is different as the car is left there for a longer time, that applies to both child and disabled spaces

But peanut I assume you know if you have a disability? If you don't don't use it.

It's not rocket science!

And people using it when they don't need to are a massive part of the reason why those who do need to but the reason isn't visible end up facing judgement because people sadly learn to be suspicious of everyone.

I've done it. There has been No one about. As long as your sensible about it. You have a child. You don't want to leave that child on their own. What are you supposed to do? I think it's fine.

The range of different circumstances indicate in my opinion that each case is different, the vast majority of people are rational and apply common sense. Clearly using a toilet that allows greater access depends on the particular situation, no one is being selfish or ignorant they are making a judgment and whilst people may not agree they were not there at the time so cannot know the exact circumstances

Totally agree with this.

Peanut so people who are "clearly disabled" are the only ones you think should be using the disabled toilets?

Wow.

Here's my trick for using a normal cubicle. Tell the kids to stand there with their foot under the door "keeping it shut". They think they have an important job and don't run off, and you can see them all the time.

It's useless with a couple of 1-2 year olds and my only answer is to squash into a cubicle big enough. Occasionally that had to be the disabled cubicle.