To use the disabled loo when I'm with my son?

[RestingBitch]

My sons 9 months and obviously still in his pushchair. The majority of the time it's just me and him when I go into town/visit places. When I need the loo I get an attack of conscious, I normally use the disabled loo so I can bring him in with me.
Can't use a regular loo as I can't get him in the cubicle in his chair. Don't want to take him out of his pushchair and plonk him on the floor as the floors are manky and he will eat whatever is on the floor. He'll also probably try and crawl under the gap and interrupt someone else. Don't really like the idea of leaving him in his pushchair whilst I nip in the cubicle, so providing there isn't someone waiting for the disabled loos, AIBU to use them? I'm usually in and out and so far I've never encountered anyone waiting for one, or the impatient rattle of the door. If I am being unreasonable, short of pissing myself what's the options?

Not a troll, and don't work for any newspapers :).

You don't have a clue where I'm coming from. I know that's blunt and rude but it's a fact and I'm too tired and frustrated to sugar coat it.

The point IS that there's only one disabled toilet available (occasionally 2 if we're really spoiled) so don't use it when you don't need to. It doesn't matter if the disabled person has continence issues. The loo is there to make it possible for them to get out and about. So leave it free for the love of god. You don't need it you don't need it you don't need it. I need it. Other disabled people need it. You don't need it you don't need it.

Obviously you don't need it is aimed at the people using the loo when not disabled, not you specifically.

Like I said I don't use them! But the again you only read what you want to read. You haven't answered why a disabled person can't wait a couple of minutes like any other person. Because they can is the answer, but how dare they have to, ever!

Sorry cross post, I thought you were aiming it at me, my apologies.

Except that it's not 30 seconds, it's never 30 seconds and it's nEver just one person.

ovo i always look embarrassed when i come out of the disabled loo, yet i have disabilities! I don't look like i do though ( i face it everyday)

Because they can is the answer, but how dare they have to, ever!
Yes why should they have to wait for an able bodied person, and htf do you know they can wait??

How others can think yabu is beyond me. You have a 9month old baby, how else are you supposed to use the restroom? It's not like your child is old enough to stand in the stall with you. From my experience, unless I'm at a very large mall with restrooms for mum and baby your only option is the disabled one.

kali110 If you read my posts before I did say those with disabilities who aren't at risk of soiling themselves.

I work in a supermarket, we have toilets opposite my desk ... 90% of the time the accessible toilets are empty as there aren't that many people who need to use it on a regular basis (at least not in my store). I have also never seen a queue for the accessible toilet. If a parent wanted to use the accessible toilet so that they could take their child into it, in their pushchair (there's definitely not enough room for a pushchair in the ladies). and there was nobody else using it at that moment in time then the store would have no issue with them using it.

The accessible toilet is equipped to make it easier for people with disabilites, whether that's the hand rails, the extra space, the sink being in the cubicle, it is not for their exclusive use. My sister uses a wheelchair sometimes, she is perfectly capable of waiting if someone is using the loo, she just needs the accessible toilet for the space and is happy to wait if necessary. Our cousin has IBS and whilst she would prefer to use the accessible loo, if she's having a flare up she just needs a toilet quickly because her issue is waiting and she is more than capable of using a "normal" loo if that is all that is available.

Whilst it is common courtesy to use the normal ladies/gents if you can, if the disabled loo is not being used and there is nobody around who needs it more, I don't see why people should be forced to struggle to use the "right" toilet when there is an accessible toilet right there they could use and is, more than likely, unoccupied just in case someone else comes along who might need it.

I was helping out on the checkouts today and I was on the accessible checkout, that didn't mean that you couldn't use the checkout unless you had a medical need ... all it means is that the checkout is lowered so that it is a comfortable height for people using wheelchairs to be able to reach everything, the packing area is shallower and longer so customers can reach things easier and there's more room for bags/shopping and the checkout aisle is wider to accommodate wheelchairs/mobility scooters etc. Most of the customers I served today didn't need to use the accessible checkout, they just used it because it was available and nobody was using it when they needed to checkout.

Jesus Christ, wannabe, yes they can wait but they shouldn't bloody have to. The service should be available unless another disabled person is using it (or baby change unit is in there).

It's not a difficult concept. Leaving something free for the people who it's for to actually use.

If people could stop making my life a little bit harder that'd be best thanks.

I get that that means making life a bit harder for others but they'll have that struggle for what? once a week at the shopping centre, until baby is older. Well that's a shame and no I don't WANT anyone to have to struggle but disabled people should have the only use of these toilets.

Feel free to put pressure on places to put in family toilets.

Well thanks for that post, Mel. You're not disabled but you know some people who are AND you work near a disabled loo. Quite the authority.

And on that deeply sarcastic note I am leaving this thread. I'm in a terrible mood and while I've been a bit arsey I can tell I'm slipping into deeply fucked off and will end up being insulting well beyond sarcastic or arsey.

So goodnight. hopefully you'll all get some sleep too and not lie awake writing pithy replies in your head that you'll never post.. That can't just be me, right?

But waiting a few minutes isn't making life hard, it's normal life. That's my point.

Like the poster above said, the accessible toilets aren't there for exclusive use of those with disabiles. They are there for those to use who would struggle in a normal cubicle and I think a women on her own, with a small baby qualifies. A person with a disability may have to wait a few minutes and the chances are that person is cable of waiting.

I am disabled and have had to wait to use disabled loos as people are using them to; breast feed- excuse someone else was mother baby room; group of women changing babies , same excuse; change clothes; there was a queue in the ladies; I need to watch my baby/ not enough room. This isn't just an inconvenience - several times I wet myself but it can destroy someone (my) confidence to go out. When disabled toilets were introduced it was due to disabled groups/people pressure they are not there to make everyone's lives easier, just give disabled people some dignity. It is not dignified to lose control of your bladder because someone cannot organise themselves to fit in the toilet with their baby or chose to breast feed there because it is easier. People managed before disabled toilets were introduced. Also in most shopping centres/ shops if they have installed disabled toilets they have m/b/ family rooms. If they haven't why don't you lobby your local council/ shops just like we have to.

I have done the same, they are not just disabled toilets they are also the baby changing facilities and are a family space. I would never use one if on my own though.

Really not a big deal imo... The majority of the time I go to the store and use the restroom I am the only person in there. Very rarely have I been in when a disabled person came in that needed the disabled restroom. As others have said in many places that is actually where the baby changing station is, so I think that alone tells you it is ok to use. If on the off chance someone comes in that is disabled after you're in there and needs to use the toilet, then I suppose you'll be done in about 30 seconds anyhow?? It's quite normal to have to wait a minute to use a stall. I do it all the time, and I'm sure they do as well if visiting a persons house or going anywhere else in the world really... I don't know why people on here are flipping out..

@happymumof4crazykids not all disabled toilets are also baby changing. some clearly state disabled toilets and just have that logo whereas others have a baby change sign on the door as well. It is incorrect to say they all provide the same facilities.

Surely that's where the baby change facility is anyway?

Not all the time no . Sometimes there are family rooms, sometimes it's in the women's washroom. Use you eyes - if there isn't a baby change unit, baby seat etc and no baby change sticker it is just a disabled toilet.

I have before with my son. He is 9 and has aspergers and a SPD. I can't leave him outside a public bathroom on his own -he would either get distracted and wander off or panic and scream if somebody uses a hand dryer. We can't both fit in a regular loo together and we occasionally get frowned out for using a ladies loo with a bigger boy in tow. I don't think YABU but it is a contentious issue and you will get a lot of YABU! I can't imagine you take more than a few minutes (if that).

Have you investigated getting a Radar Key. I got one from my local council to use with my son when we're in the UK. I couldnt let him go into the gents alone even though he's now an adult.

I do understand where you're coming from. The point I'm trying to make is that for the a lot of disabled people, waiting 30 second or maybe 1 or 2 minutes is not causing difficulty. It's waiting just like most other people have to

If one lot of chancers use the disabled loo there will be others who see them doing it and think to themselves - och lets just nip into the disabled loo instead. It means there is more chance of a wait for the loo than their would be if only those who are disabled used them. Its basic maths. There are more people out and about who are not disabled than there are those who are.

I think everybody deserves basic dignity. That's why the suggestion that mothers should use the toilet with the door open bothers me. Public toilets are not necessarily a safe place- and that's coming from firsthand experience before somebody calls me dramatic or precious!
I just don't understand why it's not a problem to go in and change your baby, but going in and using the facilities yourself is a problem.

Yeah but no but child stealers, yeah but no but it's to haaaaaard. Waaah, I might pee on my hand, yeah but no but germs

OCD and anxiety are mental health conditions, which are recognised as invisible disabilities under the equalities act. I can show you my PIP acceptance letter if you want. You're being disabalist. Check your privilege.

People with some disabilites have the ability to wait to use the loo and just need the extra space. For others, waiting is absolutely not an option, as is the case with urge incontinence, unstable bladder and irritable bowel syndrome or disease.

A normal bladder doesn't send the need to urinate message til it's roughly 300-400ml full, and even then, the person can usually wait at least 5 minutes to use the loo, typically longer although it is uncomfortable. But mine can be as little as 10ml full and i suddenly feel like im on the verge of wetting myself full to bursting. You get a minute or two to get to a toilet, or it's coming, ready or not. There is no holding it, you physically cannot wait in a queue.

When we need to go we need to go NOW, at home we don't get to wait 10 minutes til the next ad break during a tv show, or the last 20 minutes of a film, we can't handle "it's just a 5 minute drive home". And it isn't like a lot of cases of stress incontinence where it's a dribble, it is your entire bladder contents, the flood gates open and you have no control.
IBS (and of course other bowel disorders like IBD) can be similar, you get very sudden cases of diarhoea with zero warning, it can be triggered by something you've eaten, by stress, or sometimes no cause you can pinpoint, and you literally get that awful pain in your stomach with the bubbling and that need to go NOW, again you cannot hold it to stand in a queue.

Both of these are awful illnesses and absolutely should be considered disabilities that warrant the use of disabled toilet facilities, should there be a queue for regular toilets.

People who suffer from these illnesses already have to plan very carefully where they go, what time of day to not hit rush hour traffic, that there is always a toilet within a distance they can make it when the urge hits. Some (like myself) can't go out if you have to walk to get where you're going as there's no toilets on the way, and can't use public transport as you can't wait for a bus/taxi or need a direct journey home. It's definitely disabling, and sufferers deserve to keep their dignity by using disabled toilets when needed instead of literally wetting or soiling themselves stood in regular toilet queues.

If you've ever suffered food poisoning or a moderate to severe UTI and so experienced what it is like to have only limited control of your bowel and bladder, and had the very real risk of having an accident just getting to the loo on time from your sofa when the sudden urge hits you, then imagine that being your life 24/7, that's what people with these illnesses suffer from.

Fact is, there aren't enough disabled toilets. One token disabled toilet per toilet facilities in a shopping centre etc is inadequate. It often takes physically and in some cases (like myself) mentally disabled people longer to use the toilet than an average able bodied person. Whilst there may be much smaller numbers of people requiring access to a disabled toilet than a regular one, it always runs the risk of someone who can't wait, coming along and the disabled toilet is occupied with somebody else who is going to take another 10 minutes.
Baby changing facilities need to be stand alone and not lumped in to the disabled toilet, it's one more way a disabled toilet can be occupied by someone not actually using it blocking someone with a genuine need.
It is infuriating when people not disabled use them for convenience, i've known parents with several children (none disabled) go in as a family instead of all waiting in the regular toilet queues, and women with prams using them purely for the space. If provision is needed for people out alone with pushchairs to have larger cubicles, then write to local establishments, council ETC and ask for them, don't use the disabled toilet and possibly be the cause of someone having an accident.
As to the person who used it to breast feed, that was just ridiculous. If you don't feel comfortable breast feeding in public you could try to express or take formula as a last resort if you're going somewhere without baby change/breast feeding facilities and you're uncomfortable doing so in public.

My 11 year old isn't toilet trained. If his pad is soiled and he has to wait he gets distressed and that often leads to him hurting himself and attacking whoever is looking after him. If someone is in the accessible toilet who doesn't need to be, and we are having to wait, they are creating extra difficulties for us.

So many people on this thread who have suffered because of lack of available disabled toilets and yet still people argue it fine to use them when you aren't disabled.

I simply don't get it. Surely even if previously it hadn't crossed your mind this should be enough to make you stop and think that perhaps you are wrong and it isn't acceptable to use without having a need?