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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To use the disabled loo when I'm with my son?

999 replies

RestingBitch · 19/05/2017 17:06

My sons 9 months and obviously still in his pushchair. The majority of the time it's just me and him when I go into town/visit places. When I need the loo I get an attack of conscious, I normally use the disabled loo so I can bring him in with me.
Can't use a regular loo as I can't get him in the cubicle in his chair. Don't want to take him out of his pushchair and plonk him on the floor as the floors are manky and he will eat whatever is on the floor. He'll also probably try and crawl under the gap and interrupt someone else. Don't really like the idea of leaving him in his pushchair whilst I nip in the cubicle, so providing there isn't someone waiting for the disabled loos, AIBU to use them? I'm usually in and out and so far I've never encountered anyone waiting for one, or the impatient rattle of the door. If I am being unreasonable, short of pissing myself what's the options?

Not a troll, and don't work for any newspapers :).

OP posts:
Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 01:10

No until it happens then outraged MNers judge said woman for leaving baby out of sight in a public place!

Classic Mumsnet! Don't leave babies for 2 mins in a locked car to pay for petrol because obviously someone might try to take your baby but go ahead and leave them out of sight in a public toilet, no one will ever take them.

Dawndonnaagain · 20/05/2017 01:11

I've put a thread in site stuff asking Mumsnet to start zapping these threads. I've been having the same arguments for years as have quite a few of us. These threads come up with boring regularity and the same arguments are used every time. It always somehow ends up with those of us who need the facilities a) having to justify ourselves and b) having to educate others and c) being slagged off because we would like free and easy access to a facility specifically designed with our needs in mind. I think I joined (different but similar name) in about 2011 or 2012, so it's been a good while that I've been going over the same old ground.

DJBaggySmalls · 20/05/2017 01:14

Maybe if there were a mother and child cubicle this wouldnt be so much of an issue.

OvO · 20/05/2017 01:21

That's a poor post, wannabe. Scrabbling for anything to defend yourself?

What's the relevance here? That someone might judge you for what? No ones baby need to be out their sight anyway.

OvO · 20/05/2017 01:24

Dawn, I've been here since 2006 and it's always the same shit different username.

Someone up thread said about being kind. Well fuck that. It's always disabled people being asked to be fucking kind, to stop being unreasonable. Never has it ever entered some people heads that they might take that advice themselves, then we wouldn't have these threads.

Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 01:31

This reply has been deleted

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Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 01:32

(Posted to soon) but still want to be treated equally.

OvO · 20/05/2017 01:34

You're sounding a bit disablist there wannabe. Quite unpleasant.

No disabled person should have to wait to use the only toilet suitable for them because a non disabled person was using it because they couldn't be bothered with the hassle of using one of the many toilets available for them.

Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 01:37

I don't see it as someone who couldn't be bothered, I see it as a mum struggling to pee with a baby. She didn't want to leave him outside the cubicle or have to put him down on an unhygienic floor. Fair enough.

Italiangreyhound · 20/05/2017 01:39

It's fine to use the disabled access toilet with your son in his pram, IMHO.

kali110 · 20/05/2017 01:39

So what if a disabled person has to wait 30 seconds to use the toilet.
Shock lets hope you never have a disability
Fucking vile

dawn unfortunately there always going to be selfish ignorant idiots in this world Flowers
Who will only care when it happens to them

OvO · 20/05/2017 01:41

She had choices. Not hassle free ones but still choices. She chose to make her life easier at the risk of making it harder for someone else. Someone else who had NO other options.

She couldn't be bothered as it was difficult. You can word it nicely if you want but that's what it comes down to.

Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 01:41

kali110 Please explain to me why someone with a disability (not one where they're at risk of soiling themselves) can't wait 30 seconds?

Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 01:42

What were her choices OvO?

kali110 · 20/05/2017 01:46

Why should they have to if there isn't a disabled person in the toilet? Confused

OvO · 20/05/2017 01:47

End cubicle with door open.
Sling.
Just carrying baby. (Yeah that's a hard one but I've managed and I've a fucking disability!)
Asking other mum/woman to watch baby for those 30 seconds.

Find a mum and child toilet.

Yeah but no but child stealers, yeah but no but it's to haaaaaard. Waaah, I might pee on my hand, yeah but no but germs.

Choices. Not the best but still actual choices. But people will shoot down every choice about how that couldn't possibly do any of them.

They absolutely could. But they'd rather do it the easy, but selfish, way.

Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 01:48

You're avoiding my question. A woman was struggling to pee with her baby with her, why would you be cross at having to wait 30 seconds for her to finish unless you are at serious risk of soiling yourself?

I honestly don't understand it.

Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 01:53
  • Pushchair might not fit in the space
  • Not everyone uses a sling
  • Carrying a baby and peeing, might be possible for some. Not with my DD who hates to be held and is like trying hold a bar of soap most of the time
  • No other women in toilet
  • I've never seen a mother and child toilet so not always available

But well done you on being such a super woman you can pee and hold your baby 👏🏻

SpareASquare · 20/05/2017 01:55

I think the worst thing I've done is breast feed in one and the baby was taking such a long feed I felt bad when I got out as there was someone who needed it. But then there was no where I felt comfortable to bf

That is seriously fucked.
I find it even worse that all the selfish entitled fuckers using the disabled facilities are parents. Awful to know that it is inevitable that you are going to be raising selfish entitled human beings by leading by such a stellar example

OvO · 20/05/2017 01:57

Well I AM one of those rare (according to you) people who need the accessible toilet and has urgency issues so yeah I'd be cross.

And it's not 30 seconds. Never had anyone got themselves in to the loo (baby in tow) and peed, wiped, sorted clothes and washed and dried their hands in 30 seconds. But that's not even the point.

I am Cross about anyone using the disabled loo when they don't need to because I am left waiting all the bloody time. And it's obvious when they come out that they had no disability - people do a little head bob of embarrassment and give themselves away, often mutter apologies, and they positively scamper away. Not that I ever say anything because hidden disabilities. But you can tell.

I am left in queues in theatres. After the film at the cinema. Just about every time at the supermarket. Because it's easier for people or quicker for people. It's all about themselves with no second thought for anyone else. I am CROSS because people make things a little bit harder for me every day in so many ways (not just the loo issue). So yes I will tell someone they are WRONG to use the toilet when they don't need to.

OvO · 20/05/2017 01:58

See wannabe, you'll find any reason to not do anything that might be a bit difficult. Did no mum pee in public before accessible toilets?

Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 02:06

If you look, I said those who aren't at risk of soiling themselves can wait. You don't come under that catagory.

Oh another skill, you can just tell if someone doesn't have a hidden disability just by looking at them!

I don't use accessible toilets because I haven't needed to. No sorry, I think I did once when I was pregnant. I am not the OP so your leture on not doing anything I may find difficult is not needed thanks.

OvO · 20/05/2017 02:07

What is so utterly frustrating on these many threads is that we share our stories, tell you how people using the loos when they don't have a real need to does actually affect us.

But we get a shrug. We get told to be kind. To share. We explain that sharing with every second mum that want to use the toilet actual keeps the toilet from being free when we need it. We get told that no no, no disabled person is ever waiting when they use it.

We get told we're wrong. We're explaining our real, actual lives and saying yes you ARE causing us difficulty at times. But still we're in the wrong.

OvO · 20/05/2017 02:08

That's not what I said about hidden disabilities. Reading not your skill.

Wannabe2017 · 20/05/2017 02:11

I do understand where you're coming from. The point I'm trying to make is that for the a lot of disabled people, waiting 30 second or maybe 1 or 2 minutes is not causing difficulty. It's waiting just like most other people have to.