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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To return clothes MIL bought for the kids?!

119 replies

Newbiecat · 17/05/2017 22:39

I'm feeling really bad. We are going on our first trip abroad as a family of 5 this summer caravaning.
My mother-in-law excitedly bundled in the door this week with a load of clothes that she bought for the children from the supermarket. She must've spent maybe a hundred pounds. When I've looked through I nearly died as almost all things are not what I would have chosen. She's bought some very illuminous shorts/tops for my daughter which are only 60% cotton and also some black vest tops. I have a thing about young children wearing black with Hashtag logos and it just isn't my thing.
Then some of the T-shirt she's bought for my son are really quite boring a complete contrast to my daughters items! It seems only the baby has a few things that I like!
I was looking forward to going to the GAP outlet shop locally and buying things myself. I just don't have the heart to tell her that I don't like them! I said we should give them some money as they hadspent quite a lot and she says maybe we could contribute. Now I'm pissed off that I might be paying for clothes I don't want!
Thankfully my daughter is only 7 and at an age where she appreciates anything bought for her really! AIBU?

OP posts:
Newbiecat · 18/05/2017 10:18

Wowee this has really fuelled a debate?! It was meant to be a fairly light hearted thread, I guess I should have known better hey?!
Morning westray and thank you for taking the time to post on my thread. I always like to hear different points of you but I have to say me being called a snob is the first time in my 30 something years on this planet. I'm not quite sure how I qualify for that description. Did you read my other posts where I commented that I nearly always buy clothing from the Tu range & M&S (20% off times I might add!) I can only imagine that you and angrylady are not basking in the glorious sunshine like where I live today as it must be difficult to be so harsh on such a lovely day :-)
I like my mother-in-law being involved with the children. I guess that's why I am more bothered that she's spent her money on things that might not get worn. I'm really not prepared to put my daughter in non-cotton clothing in France in the middle of summer she's a hot little girl anyway and I can just imagine a sweaty nightmare! Also it wasn't just about her she bought a bundle of clothes for my baby and son too.

Admittedly in my post I could've phrased things better -my point was when I mentioned it was supermarket clothing,that you can buy an awful lot of clothing in the supermarket for hundred pounds. If it was just one or two T-shirts I would gratefully accept and say nothing but we are talking a lot of stuff here.

I am not an unkind person and I have decided that the kindest thing to do is what I probably said to her anyway which is "thank you "and discreetly will take the few items back that really aren't suitable.

Thanks all x

OP posts:
Newbiecat · 18/05/2017 10:19

*view not you! Dictating on phone for speed sorry!

OP posts:
MumIsRunningAMarathon · 18/05/2017 10:20

Wow you sound so ungrateful and it's all what you want and what you would like them to wear!

What about Dad? Does he not get a look in?

Newbiecat · 18/05/2017 10:21

natalia thank you! You're on my wavelength! X

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 18/05/2017 10:25

What about Dad? Does he not get a look in?

My DH openly admits that, left to him, my 8 year old would still be wearing white babygros! He also, when she was younger and needed "dressing", had a terrible habit of putting her in her little sister's clothes.

Him: How was I supposed to know?
Me: Errr...because it's three sizes too small for her and looks like a straightjacket?

....but I digress - I'm sure that's just him! Grin

loulou0987 · 18/05/2017 10:28

pick out the most hideous bits and take them back and swap for things you want, or a voucher to spend on suncream etc. She is then still contributing to you holiday. If they still have the tags on then you can swap without a receipt. My MIL buys the wrong size for DS and on more than one occasion girls jean (as in skinny jeggins!)😂

TheRealPooTroll · 18/05/2017 10:33

How long are you going to be in France for though compared to how long you are going to be in the UK where we get about 3 hot days all summer! There will be plenty of opportunity for you dd to wear the clothes that sh likes that her gm got her. And there's nothing stopping you still going to Gap for holiday stuff.

FreeNiki · 18/05/2017 10:33

She's bought some very illuminous shorts/tops for my daughter which are only 60% cotton.

Goodness the world will if the fabric blend isnt 100% organic cotton.

Luminous tops are fin for the beach. I wear them at the gym. They wont fit next year so who cares!

FreeNiki · 18/05/2017 10:34

*world will end

FreeNiki · 18/05/2017 10:36

I am just looking at my Gap clothes for the gym. The top is 74% polyester. 18% lyocell and 8% elastane.

Dont shop in gap the fabrics will give you a stroke.

Gap clothes arent all that great either. Over priced and not well made hence why they have so many outlets and sales.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/05/2017 10:45

Meh, personally I'm quite happy to be controlling if it means my kids avoid having bags and bags of nasty logo covered tat. What your kids wear is a very personal thing, why would someone muscle in on that insensitively? I rarely buy clothes for other people's kids and even then hand them over with a gift receipt and the comment that unless the recipient loves them they should feel free to change them.

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 18/05/2017 10:47

Lol tinkly

What is GAP stuff if not logo'd? It's only bought for 'the' logo! As others have said, its quality is quite shocking

eerry · 18/05/2017 10:48

I'm with you op. And I don't think it's a MIL thing either. It's my family that totally over buy clothes that we don't need or like. I've repeatedly asked them not to buy clothes but it falls on deaf ears. Drives me & DH mad. I return pretty all our Christmas present and got £150!

My MIL is far most considered, buy fewer, useful items and always leaves the receipt!

Newbiecat · 18/05/2017 10:54

I'm going to start a cotton vs polycotton bedsheets thread next, hee hee can you imagine?!
Think I'll have to agree to disagree on the cotton thing in a hot country, I guess I know my own daughter and how sweaty she is!

I found GAP tshirts hoodies and shorts are great - some have lasted 2 summers. I agree the leggings/trousers don't fit well. I guess I like the block colour tops you can get from there. Not particularly bothered by logo it's just the local outlet is a great cheap buy and I hate going into town shopping.

Off to enjoy the sunshine

OP posts:
1bighappyfamily · 18/05/2017 10:56

I think it was the mentioning of Gap that probably put people over the edge as it's a brand!

Honestly OP, I feel your pain. I have the same problem with my mother and my MIL. I can't give a rat's posterior where the clothes are from (so long as there's a chance they HAVEN'T been made by a two year old in a sweatshop) but I do mind when they buy either random items for them that don't go with anything else in their wardrobes so don't get worn (and I'm not talking matchy matchy here) or things that I just know they won't wear. So MIL for instance, bought something for DD1 (aged 5) recently that is a very nice item of clothing but a) is a colour that makes her look like death warmed up so she'll never wear it and doesn't have anything to wear it with b) doesn't suit her body shape (bless her, she has her mother's total lack of an arse) and c) she doesn't like!

Waste. Of. Money.

And I can't even put it away for DD2 as there isn't a hope in Hades that, unless that child has a major personality transformation in the next 18 months, she'd even allow it into her room!

My own mother I can be a bit more forthright with. She bought a bunch of stuff and showed it to me on FaceTime recently. I went through it saying yes, no, yes, no and I'd say 40% of it was returned. She kept holding things up to the phone and looking at me pleadingly saying "But I think it's gorgeous." You may well do mother, but I'm telling you right now, they won't wear it!

But the punchline of that rant is, there's very little you can do about it. See what the children like, and bring that, don't waste suitcase space on the rest, and return what you can, or donate it to a children's centre.

Newbiecat · 18/05/2017 10:57

Freeniki I meant to say I'm not sure I see your point-obviously all gym clothes will have Lycra & poly in- doubt you'd find any that don't. But kids summer t-shirts are something else.
Happy shopping

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 18/05/2017 11:06

I have to agree, man-made fabrics make you sweat and smell (maybe the smell is more in the case of adults than children, but...).

I'd still let the kids wear them if they wanted to, though now they've been bought. But I don't really get why MIL spent so much money on them.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/05/2017 11:06

Mum well I wouldn't put them in those logoed Gap hoodies either, though some of the plain stuff is nice enough but a bit expensive. I like Bodenish style but not at Boden prices for my kids (though most are grown up now and choose their own tat). So stuff from all sorts of places, including supermarkets, but not those horrid character/slogan T shirts and overly teenage styles they specialise in.

WomblingThree · 18/05/2017 11:17

Why are mothers/MILs so obsessed with buying their grandchildren clothes? What's the actual reason for it?

I'm not being bitchy, but judging from this thread, and plenty of others, it seems to be an endless point of contention. My mother and MIL did it, and even though they had reasonable taste and didn't go OTT, I still don't get it. I wasn't ungrateful, and my kids wore the stuff, but generally it was unnecessary, as they had enough clothes.

Someone upthread said they were hurt because their GCs never wore the stuff they bought, so why did you keep buying things? Why not put the money in savings for when the kids are older, or contribute towards their school shoes or something?

I'm not after an argument, just an explanation.

kiwigeekmum · 18/05/2017 12:03

Can anyone honestly say that they look back on their own baby/childhood photos and think "wow, my mum got it SO right in terms of dressing me and styling my hair - I'm so glad my relatives didn't intervene and dilute her impeccable taste!"

THIS Grin Grin Grin

So gran buys clothes, child likes them, but mother takes them back because they are not up to her standards/cheap/doesn't like them.

Yeah, it does sound pretty bad when you sum it up like that.

Personally I'm so thankful when my DM and DMIL buy/make clothes for my kids. It shows they love and care for their GC, and they're trying to do me a favour too by saving me a bit of money. The clothes might not always be something I'd have chosen, but I make sure to take a photo of the DC wearing the outfit to send to Gran and then relegate it to the drawer for messy play (or laundry day Grin ).

I think selecting a few of the worst offenders to return for store credit (perhaps to be used for something else for the holiday?) isn't too bad. And just let the kids enjoy the rest. They have the rest of their lives for society to judge the clothes they're wearing. Please don't start that at home.

Oh, and I hope you have a fantastic holiday OP!!

Westray · 18/05/2017 12:15

Morning westray and thank you for taking the time to post on my thread. I always like to hear different points of you but I have to say me being called a snob is the first time in my 30 something years on this planet

I have not called you a snob OP. Get your facts right.

sunshinesupermum · 18/05/2017 12:19

I very rarely buy for my DGC now as I'm really not sure what DD likes them to wear unless she specifically says! Her MiL is just like yours Newbiecat Not sure what DD does with all the stuff she buys for the DGS, constantly!

GahBuggerit · 18/05/2017 12:24

I stopped reading at this point tbh "which are only 60% cotton"

I gather the rest of the post was something about not liking any of the stuff.

What does your DH think?
Do your kids like them?

InfiniteSheldon · 18/05/2017 12:30

I have three dgc. I buy occasionally and horror Grin occasionally knit for them, one DiL loves and comments and I see the dgc in them the other sneers and ignores. I like to buy/ create/make for MY dgc you don't actually own your dc they are part of a wider family and loved by that wider family. My ds would be very upset if I stopped treating them all the same and is mortified by his wife's behaviour.

gotthemoononastick · 18/05/2017 12:43

Once again...my mantra for all we old girls with the disposable income:

" get off the hamster wheel of gift giving"

You cannot win and just looking and imagining before putting back on the shelf is true liberty.

Buy Lotto tickets for YOURSELF and imagine...

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