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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To return clothes MIL bought for the kids?!

119 replies

Newbiecat · 17/05/2017 22:39

I'm feeling really bad. We are going on our first trip abroad as a family of 5 this summer caravaning.
My mother-in-law excitedly bundled in the door this week with a load of clothes that she bought for the children from the supermarket. She must've spent maybe a hundred pounds. When I've looked through I nearly died as almost all things are not what I would have chosen. She's bought some very illuminous shorts/tops for my daughter which are only 60% cotton and also some black vest tops. I have a thing about young children wearing black with Hashtag logos and it just isn't my thing.
Then some of the T-shirt she's bought for my son are really quite boring a complete contrast to my daughters items! It seems only the baby has a few things that I like!
I was looking forward to going to the GAP outlet shop locally and buying things myself. I just don't have the heart to tell her that I don't like them! I said we should give them some money as they hadspent quite a lot and she says maybe we could contribute. Now I'm pissed off that I might be paying for clothes I don't want!
Thankfully my daughter is only 7 and at an age where she appreciates anything bought for her really! AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsChopper · 18/05/2017 08:06

You sound like a snob

Yeah, you really do. And ungrateful too.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 18/05/2017 08:08

Trouble is if you accept them now then you will have to accept her selection forever more!!
Ungrateful or not I wouldn't be happy with someone else 'dressing' my dc. .
My dd x2 do select some of their stuff and that's fine but not a relative!!
Personal preference - but you are not snobby by sending them back!!
I buy asda stuff mostly - would love to afford Gap!!

MackerelOfFact · 18/05/2017 08:08

Can anyone honestly say that they look back on their own baby/childhood photos and think "wow, my mum got it SO right in terms of dressing me and styling my hair - I'm so glad my relatives didn't intervene and dilute her impeccable taste!" Grin

Seriously, my favourite clothes as a child were the wacky neon things my aunt brought back from her travels. I'm sure my mum cringed at their polyester naffness as she tried to coax me into Laura Ashley corduroy dungaree dresses.

rightwhine · 18/05/2017 08:09

You have to tell her or she will be doing this over and over again.

Take a deep breath and tell her you are taking some back

Increasinglymiddleaged · 18/05/2017 08:14

Just let the DC decide if they want to wear them/ take them on holiday alongside other stuff as they need loads.

I can't believe how controlling people are over what children wear tbh.

Westray · 18/05/2017 08:20

You have to tell her or she will be doing this over and over again.

And that would be unspeakably awful. Think of the children. The horrors .
There are some serious pearl clutchers on this thread.

Less than 100% cotton! The children will never recover.

TinyTear · 18/05/2017 08:27

Even I don't buy stuff for my 5yo without her seeing or knowing i can return them... if she doesn't like the stuff she just won't wear them...

My parents learnt the hard way... sometimes they send her a dress and it's lovely, other times I say thanks but we won't wear it and they return it

no drama

apart from the fact they think a 5 yo should wear what the parents dictate, I think there are other battles to be fought

carbqueen88 · 18/05/2017 08:29

Return return return, they sound vile!

NataliaOsipova · 18/05/2017 08:32

I think it's quite sad when only mum gets to pick what a child wears and everyone else's choices are considered beneath them.

I think being able to choose your child's clothes is one of the perks of being a mum! When they're little, anyway. To be honest, plainish baby things aside, I wouldn't buy clothes for other people's DCs for exactly that reason. If you see clothes as purely practical, then that's fair enough - it wouldn't bother you what they wore and from whom it came. If you get a lot of pleasure out of choosing clothes for your kids, then not only has the MIL denied you the chance to do that (even if only because you feel guilty about buying more stuff when she's already done so), but she's imposed her own taste on you as well.

Is it the biggest deal? No. Was it done out of kindness? Yes. But in your shoes would I take them back and swap them? I think I probably would, with some vague excuse of "too big/small etc and didn't have the right size".

Westray · 18/05/2017 08:36

I think being able to choose your child's clothes is one of the perks of being a mum!

But we are talking about a 7 year old here, not a baby.

By 7 a child needs some degree of autonomy over their own clothes.
The poor kid has said likes the clothes that her gran has bought, what's the fucking harm in letting her wear them?

So gran buys clothes, child likes them, but mother takes them back because they are not up to her standards/cheap/doesn't like them.

Poor kid, that's fucking horrible.

Some very controlling mothers on this thread.

maddogs33 · 18/05/2017 08:36

Yep I would return anything I didn't like, really not a big deal, make excuses as discussed above. MIL just got overexcited, they are supermarket clothes not family heirlooms!

Westray · 18/05/2017 08:41

Yep I would return anything I didn't like, really not a big deal,

But not yours to return , they were given to the DD.
Unless the clothes were truly indecent or had innapropriate slogans on them then why not let the kid keep them if she likes them?

Unluckycat1 · 18/05/2017 08:42

I would hate that. I try to limit what I buy the kids to nice clothes that go with what they already own. I don't want them to have wardrobes heaving with cheap tat.

I don't know what I would do though as I can see how saying anything would be taken badly. Maybe keep the best of the lot, make sure you get some pictures of the kids wearing them so you seem appreciative and return the rest. Or would that encourage her to do it more?

cestlavielife · 18/05/2017 08:42

Take on holiday then dump them there leaving room in suitcase for French cheese

NavyandWhite · 18/05/2017 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Westray · 18/05/2017 08:54

navy- exactly!

Westray · 18/05/2017 09:03

I was looking forward to going to the GAP outlet shop locally and buying things myself.

And your MIL has prevented you from doing this - how exactly?

londonrach · 18/05/2017 09:03

Take them back and exchange them. Im preferring sainsburys, tesco (less so this season) and morrisons baby clothes at the moment to other shops. My dd is wearing morrisons jean leggins this morning and they look stunning on her and perfect for crawling. They wash a treat too as im weaning her so everything gets covered in food. Have you seen the sainsburys little girl range recently. I window shop in sainsburys clothes racks. Nope thank your mil and return to the shops and exchange them for bits you like.

Westray · 18/05/2017 09:21

londonrach- we are talking about a 7 year old girl, who has already seen the gifts from her gran and likes them.

TheRealPooTroll · 18/05/2017 09:49

Your dd likes most of it and the stuff she got your son was plain. I'd just keep it tbh. If you must take a few bits back you can pass on the money to your MIL as your contribution. If she asks about them just say they were a bit small and the shop didn't have their size so you had to swap for something else.
Your dd will probably be delighted she gets to wear some fun stuff rather than high percentage cotton dull stuff from the Gap sale.

angryladyboobs · 18/05/2017 10:06

Wow. You're not very nice are you.

Feel bad for her, having a DIL like you

user1andonly · 18/05/2017 10:09

Go and buy the stuff you want anyway.

Don't give her any money. She's an adult and chose to buy them. (If you do give some, think of it as a contribution to their bathroom)

Sort through the clothes, keep the OK stuff and return stuff you really don't like - I'd return the boring T-shirts for a start (I am guessing she picked those as she wanted to spend the same on each child and there wasn't as much choice for boys in the shop she went to)

Make sure to take some holiday pics of the dc wearing mils outfits and send them to her.

halcyondays · 18/05/2017 10:16

I wouldn't have offered money. If your dd likes the clothes what's the problem?

MatildaTheCat · 18/05/2017 10:16

I think buying nice clothes for your DC is one of the pleasures of having DC. GPs obviously want to join in but, IMO they should ask first what is needed and what sort of thing would help or be appreciated.

In this case I would text MIL and say a couple of the items don't fit so you will return them. Keep one or two bits and make sure she sees them in those items. Return the rest and either swap for bits you like ( and DC, of course). Buying so much sounds like she got carried away. So long as you don't say you hate the lot and think it looks cheap and chavvy I can't see why she'd be too offended.

It's all in the wording as with so many issues in life. Smile

NataliaOsipova · 18/05/2017 10:17

Wow. You're not very nice are you.

How is that called for? She is asking, anonymously, for advice as to the best course of action so as not to upset her MIL, whose kindness she has acknowledged. If she wasn't very nice, she'd have looked at the stuff and given it back to the woman with a comment that she had bad taste.