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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To return clothes MIL bought for the kids?!

119 replies

Newbiecat · 17/05/2017 22:39

I'm feeling really bad. We are going on our first trip abroad as a family of 5 this summer caravaning.
My mother-in-law excitedly bundled in the door this week with a load of clothes that she bought for the children from the supermarket. She must've spent maybe a hundred pounds. When I've looked through I nearly died as almost all things are not what I would have chosen. She's bought some very illuminous shorts/tops for my daughter which are only 60% cotton and also some black vest tops. I have a thing about young children wearing black with Hashtag logos and it just isn't my thing.
Then some of the T-shirt she's bought for my son are really quite boring a complete contrast to my daughters items! It seems only the baby has a few things that I like!
I was looking forward to going to the GAP outlet shop locally and buying things myself. I just don't have the heart to tell her that I don't like them! I said we should give them some money as they hadspent quite a lot and she says maybe we could contribute. Now I'm pissed off that I might be paying for clothes I don't want!
Thankfully my daughter is only 7 and at an age where she appreciates anything bought for her really! AIBU?

OP posts:

SnowinApril123 · 17/05/2017 23:22

I must be a horrible person because I've taken back 'gifts' several times (and without a receipt) and supermarkets give you a refund on to a gift card. I do buy clothes for my children from supermarkets so I don;t have an issue with where there from I simply didn't like them and would rather swap for something I do.

tararabumdeay · 17/05/2017 23:32

Amazing vocabulary and Spag OP.

Have yourself a fabulous holiday; no one cares what you wear.

alphajuliet123 · 17/05/2017 23:32

Sort into yes / pyjamas / notacatinhellschance piles. Keep the yes pile and take at least one pic of the kids wearing them on holiday. Designate some of them pyjama tops or good for the park / messy play. Give her the notacatinhellschance pile back so she knows not to get stuff like that next time.

I've done this before and it's gradually working.

Theycalledmethewildrose · 17/05/2017 23:43

My MIL buys clothes that I wouldn't choose myself. Because she buys in the sales, it is often out of season so the children receive Xmas patterned knit jumpers in the middle of summer. She doesn't differentiate between genders and doesn't take the children's build into account. She doesn't give receipts. When the kids were babies, I often got upset at this but now they are older, I have learned to say thank you and put them into a charity bag. I think she enjoys a good bargain more than buying for her grandchildren tbh.

In your case, I would say some are unsuitable and return them and offer her the money you get refunded and absolutely do not offer to contribute money towards gifts again!

wobblywonderwoman · 17/05/2017 23:47

I would say something and wouldn't give money for clothes you didn't choose.

She was being nice but the thing is, you wanted to choose the clothes and she will do this time and time again, unless you tell her.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/05/2017 23:48

I buy clothes for my gd. I buy in Gap and other really nice stores. Beautiful things but not too often. But l never seen her wear most of them. Its actually very hurtful. I have bought less as a result and dont understand why she doesnt wear them as theyre very good stuff. So gms cant win. Maybe next time l will try vest tops!

Theycalledmethewildrose · 18/05/2017 00:23

June I'm sorry to read you feel hurt by your GD not wearing the clothes you buy. I'm conscious that my own MIL might feel the same.

All I can say really is that my MIL buys styles that I don't like - frilly dresses and 'very matchy matchy clothes - and I'm reluctant to put clothes on my children that I dislike. She still buys clothes for DH (who is in his forties!) and again always clothes she likes herself without much thought about what he wears or likes.

I waver between feeling sorry for her and feeling annoyed that the gifts are more about her than the recipients and lastly that she wastes money on clothes that go straight to a charity shop.

I don't have the nerve to tell my MIL that the clothes are unsuitable and I'm fully aware that I sound incredibly ungrateful so I say thank you and tell myself that it made her happy to find such a bargain and then I pass it on.

feelingold101 · 18/05/2017 06:48

OP maybe we do?! The thing is as pp have mentioned, she continually buys clothes that SHE likes, not what she thinks DD would or I would like. Surely when you buy a gift that's what you do? If you buy something that is entirely different to what you would normally see someone wear can you really expect they will want to wear it? I don't personally understand it at all!!

disastrouslee · 18/05/2017 06:52

Jeez they're clothes. It's not like she tattooed a naked lady to their chests. Get over yourself and thank her.

MrEBear · 18/05/2017 07:03

June I only have a couple of items for my LO from Gap but I certainly wouldn't buy their "slim" jeans again. They are so wide and using the adjustable waist make him look like he is wearing a nappy.
Maybe you should ask if the clothes fit rather than just keep buying.

FireAction · 18/05/2017 07:10

Do most people choose their kids clothes then? My mum buys quite a lot of my kids clothes, or their dad. If I buy them, I always let them choose. I don't care what they wear, as long as it is practical/covers bum etc

rollonthesummer · 18/05/2017 07:10

I wouldn't buy clothes for anyone except for myself and my kids-I just wouldn't want to get it wrong. I always say to them that if they don't like it, it doesn't matter-just tell me and I'll take them back.

If you're buying clothing for your grand daughter and she's not wearing them and you find it hurtful-then I'd stop. It is hard to get clothes right for others and you obviously are struggling. Can't you buy her
toiletries or stationery that you know she already likes if you want to buy her things?

metalmum15 · 18/05/2017 07:19

I can understand this as my MIL used to buy the most horrendously nasty, chavvy clothes for my dc. (And covered in dog fur and smelling of cigarettes. Yuk.) There was very little they wore. Most of them ended up in charity bags unfortunately. Whenever she asked if they'd worn them, I would just reply politely "No sorry, they much prefer to choose their own things." She stopped buying after a while. My own dm will only buy after checking it's something that will get worn.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 18/05/2017 07:23

I think it's quite sad when only mum gets to pick what a child wears and everyone else's choices are considered beneath them.

Mine pick their own and if they are gifted clothing they decide for themselves if they like it. If it's not quite their taste they know to use for painting in etc so it doesn't go to waste. I'd only return an item if too small.

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 18/05/2017 07:33

My dm does this all the time! My sympathies...

Amerettomilkshake · 18/05/2017 07:38

Count yourself lucky you don't have my mil. She regularly knits clothes for my kids clothes (they are 12 and 10!). Ds got a lovely Where's Wally style jumper made from various left over balls of wool

FrenchMartiniTime · 18/05/2017 07:42

Is it really because they are from a supermarket and you really wanted to go to GAP?

Don't see the issue to be honest. Your MIL did a nice generous thing and you're being a snob.

Laiste · 18/05/2017 07:45

Everybody's different and i honestly don't see how anyone can feel 'hurt' or 'sad' over what someone else does is doing about what their kids wear. Some people like to pick their own kids clothes, some don't. That's the up and down of it.

As long as you mind your manners and express gratitude at the time the items are handed over then you've ticked the most important box :) IF after that you want to:
a) take the stuff back and swap it on the quiet
b) give it to charity
c) hide it all at the back of the cupboard
or
d) be brave enough try to gently change what's being bought in future

then that's all ok too IMO.

Enidblyton1 · 18/05/2017 07:49

Do the clothes fit?
I find that often when we are given clothes they are too small. If you really want to exchange without offending your Mil can't you say they are the wrong size? (blame the supermarket for dodgy sizes). Though you can only do this if your Mil keeps the receipt. Otherwise you'll just make her feel bad that she chose wrong sized clothes with no means of taking them back.

MrsPeelyWaly · 18/05/2017 07:50

*Why on earth did your mil buy so many clothes for your dcs'

Are you serious? Do you really not know why?

SnowinApril123 · 18/05/2017 07:51

June I will often make a point of dressing my children in clothes bought by their GP's when they see them, I think it's nice for them to see the children wearing the clothes they've bought as they've spent time choosing them.

libbyliz83 · 18/05/2017 07:56

My MILESTONE used to do similar, first all the time, then on birthdays and Xmas. I used to dread going round after shopping day. Not very nice clothes and 2-3 sizes too big. Then she'd show me the ones for neice and nephews, they were lovely and the right size! I always said thank you they'll come in useful when he's older. The truely horrible ones I donated to charity as she had removed the labels, if there were some that were 'ok' I'd put them in the back of the wardrobe until they fit. Several years later I'd make a point of saying "that's what you bought 3 years ago, doesn't it fit nice". Passive aggressive but I couldn't stand the woman. It didn't help that she smoked so all clothes would reek.
In your case I'd return the worst ones (either ask for the receipt using the excuse some are the wrong size) and keep a couple so she will see them in photos. If they have to be the clothes that get wrecked on the beach/at park then so be it.

Westray · 18/05/2017 07:57

My daughter likes most of it.

Then let her wear the clothes.

You seriously need to unbuckle yourself.

libbyliz83 · 18/05/2017 07:58

That was meant to say - either ask for the receipt using the excuse some are the wrong size or get store credit

Bumbumtaloo · 18/05/2017 08:01

Both my DM and MiL buy loads of clothes for our dd's, some of it I like, others no so much.

Both of my DD's have their own style and luckily both DM and MiL know this. Oldest DD is more of a tom boy, loves jeans, t-shirts, leggings, shorts and occasionally a dress or skirt so that's what they tend to buy for her. The youngest DD is a very girly girl, loves dresses, skirts, the more sparkles the better and occasionally jeans and leggings once again they buy what she like.

Just recently MiL came to visit with bagfuls of stuff for them, I probably liked 80% of it, dd's loved it all. Although I wouldn't have chosen some of it, the girls would have and seeing as they are the ones that have to wear it I just smile, say thank you and leave it at that.

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