To think I win the batshit hen do game...?

[mynotsohumbleopinion]

Months ago friend asked if I would come on her hen do... cited then as a "cheap weekend in Europe". No problem says I! Well cheap isnt how I'd describe it now!

The hen do is in A well known party island. This weekend. Thurs to Sunday.And the costs have just spiralled.

We were told it was There months and months ago and asked to pay around £450 to the MOH for "accommodation and food etc". It was so far in advance that flights weren't even fully released by easyJet at the time, but she assured us it was pre-opening weekend so they'd be cheap. I've never been so why would I argue this? Flash forward another couple of months to when they are released - turns out that the cheapest return is 90 quid and only then if you go to stanstead at stupid o'clock in the morning, which nobody can really as we all live far from there... the only viable options for pretty much everyone were expensive airlines like ba. £250 later I had flights.

Most people did think that the £450 we paid MOH would be covering most things, so nobody complained really. It was only this week when we were sent the "itinerary" that it became clear how much incorrect assumption we had all made on that front... turns out that the £4500 she's had overall only pays for 3 nights in an airbnb villa not even close to town. I know we all
Should have asked but who on earth would think to?! And actually, I seem to be the only person who thinks this is actually stupid...

The list of costs we will now incur are as follows...:

-- Taxis from airport - 50 euros (we can share this if others are on our plane)
-- Taxis to the main town for each and every activity and meal.
-- All meals out other than breakfast and some snacks for thurs night.
-- Although the villa has a lovely pool, we will apparently be spending Friday at a beach club. Paying for the entry. Where we will have lunch at another cost. Then dinner I suppose. Oh and we are expected to chip in to buy the bride lunch that day at around 10 euro each (100 overall??!)
-- outdoor early evening club at a cost of 40 euro on Saturday and then a later club at a cost of 80 euro after that as it closes early. That's without any drinks or even a table.
-- no booze included at all so she wants us to pick it up duty free. There are no shops near the villa.
-- stupid dress codes for the Saturday which I haven't personally bought anything for but others have had to.
-- she wants us to contribute to a "hen survival box".

I'm broke and I haven't even got there... I'd love to pull out now but flights and accommodation alone mean I'm £700 down!

I win don't I? This is just ridiculous...

I just wouldn't go, money already put in or not. It sounds mad and I wouldn't be surprised if more costs appeared in the run-up or on the weekend itself.

I mentioned earlier in the thread that an acquaintance had three expensive hen weekends. I probably should've added that a text went out on Christmas night saying that her boyfriend had proposed and I was having lunch on Boxing Day when another text came through detailing her plans for her hen weekends.

It's only going to be 20 degrees max on Friday in Ibiza - pleasant but not that warm 🤷🏻‍♀️

If this is ibiza I took 800 spending money for 5 days and didn't come back with a penny

I don't get it. she is an ordinary woman just like you or I who is getting hitched to someone she probably already lives with anyway so what the point in a last freedom party , which is what a hen is, i dont know

Change the flight dates, ask her for your money back.

Last hen i went to we rocked up at a cocktail bar with no reservation.

I mistyped (7 pages later I'm not convinced anyone cares), my sister's hen do ruined our relationship and I didn't have one because I'm lazy and our wedding was low key and cheap.
We had a weekend in Ireland, my sisters sycophantic friends treated me like shit, my sister had warned them that I'm 'special' (I'm ASD) and that they couldn't say anything bad about my father (who she is virtually estranged from on a very thin pretext whereas I was a young carer for him) because I'm such a daddy's girl. They took a shit load of coke and gave me the silent treatment when I wouldn't do a line. Oh and this was the weekend before my dissertation was due. I didn't want to go at all, and I still don't regard my sister the same way. And as I said, cost over a grand once you added everything on. Hen do's are insane.

Change the flight dates, ask her for your money back.

I really don't think asking for money back is an option. From OP's figures, there are 10 women going. Her 'getting her money back' would mean each of them stumping up an extra £50. How do you think they'll feel about that, if the OP pulls out on the Tuesday before it starts on Thursday?

None of the BMs other than the MOH are going. They have all cited shifts and work etc but I bet miraculously these aren't issues the weekend of the wedding so I think it's fairly clear that they just don't want to pay.

Bride is either very dim or doesn't give a fuck. I cannot imagine having a hen weekend which my bridesmaids couldn't come to.

"I don't have an issue with people having extravagent hen/stag do's, it doesn't make them selfish or bridezillas in my view."

I'm afraid I disagree, @Doowappydoo. The bride or MOH can be as extravagant as they want, when it is their own money they are spending, but when it is other people's money, they should be a bit more thoughtful and considerate.

It is rude to assume that everyone can afford to spend a lot of money on your hen or stag do - and even worse if you then get stroppy with people who say they can't afford to go (as I have seen recounted on here).

And if you are planning a hen or stag do (your own or someone else's), you need to be upfront about the full cost of it, from the word go, so people don't commit to going when it is (just about) affordable for them, but then end up finding that the costs have spiralled out of control, as the OP is finding.

If it's ocean beach you need to book and pay for a lounger in advance. You also have to pay for a ticket to be able to get into the restaurant.

I went to ibiza a year ago with 12 friends, it was £700 for 4 nights, this included villa with pool, private chef cooking 2 dinners, beach club and spa day!

It was all booked ages in advance though (cheaper?)

I'd text and say that she hasn't given you enough notice to budget for all of these extras so while you are happy to do xyz (what ever parts you want to do/are reasonably priced) but you will spend the rest of the time enjoying the Vila/doing local things that are free. I would also phone/speak to the bride giving as much detail as it can without spoiling any surprises so she hears from you not the MOH twisted version! It might spoil your friendship but really do you want to be friends with people who put more importance on showing off that making their friends get into debt!

'I've also told her it's too expensive and she's just dismissed it as "don't worry too much about the costs. We are only
At the beach club one day". Ffs'

Not good enough! Text back, 'Sorry, I have to worry about costs. It's too expensive. I have to skip the club.' Because you know the bride is going to expect to be wined and dined and everyone pay for her.

None of the bridesmaids is going but the MOH? Methinks you were all invited to make up numbers.

This has been a very expensive lesson to learn but this would be the end of my relationship with them, tbh. It's just beyond rude to expect your friends to shell out a grand for your fucking hen do.

expat - I totally agree that OP was only invited to make up numbers.
Clearly not a good enough friend to be a BM.
I don't understand why you would cough up £700 in advance, when you don't know what's even happening.
They are well and truly taking the piss, and as you only work part time I've no idea why you agreed to it.

I didn't go to ocean beach club but pretty sure you have to pay entry even just to eat and not sure about public beds? I would assume you would have to pay and if not it would be so busy you won't get beds for 10 people. Booze is cheapish in the supermarkets, probably more than duty free as you wont need to buy brands, better to send a couple of people there in a taxi and get for everyone.

WTF is a hen survival box???

As PP have said it won't be that warm... sorry

A grand on a hen do and you're not close enough friends that they appreciate your finances do not stretch to this? World gone bonkers.

"I'd text and say that she hasn't given you enough notice to budget for all of these extras so while you are happy to do xyz (what ever parts you want to do/are reasonably priced) but you will spend the rest of the time enjoying the Vila/doing local things that are free"

I would do this as well. Just tell her you had budgeted for £450 and can't afford to join in with the expensive stuff, and if they keep on adding stuff on you won't be joining in. Oh, and don't buy a wedding gift because all the money went on the hen do.

I must admit I would love to be invited to an expensive hen do so that I could turn it down and be blunt about the reasons why.

What MadamePomfrey wrote, with bells on, text her that. WTF is 'Hen Survival Box'? Nope, wouldn't be contributed to that. I'd tell the bride, too. Some friend.

I cant really pull out now. It's too late and I've invested enough

Yes you can. Its never too late.

If you are at the Beach Club this Friday then it's the 2017 Opening Party.
Entrance is €25 and all the beds are already reserved.
It's going to be heaving but do expect to receive a sensory overload with our carnival of fun! There’s no dipping your toes in where this party is concerned so we expect you to dive right in! Grab a Poolside Cocktail while our team of acrobats fly across the Sky above you and our mesmerising dancers sashay before you. You can expect a whole host of other surprises as you dance all day long under the Mediterranean Sun to a soundtrack supplied by all your favourite Ibiza Residents.

This thread is making me cringe because my 'hen do' is next month which is a meal and drinks at the pub down the road from my house no nightclub after, just a meal and drinks with the women in my family and the women in DPs family. Nowadays it seems more extravagant hen dos are the norm, I hope nobody is judging mine the other way for being crap.

Anyway the MOH in the OP is crazy! I would have to cancel.

Paying just to get in a restaurant?

You win!

I'm MOH for my dsis and I've organised her her which is this Sunday. A nice cream tea overlooking the sea with about 20 of her friends. Shouldn't be more than £20 each and I'm paying for dsis so no extra cost for the hens.

Why does everything have to be so expensive and extravagant these days? I just went out with the girls in town and got merry, maybe I'm getting old.

I don't think you can back out now. Just go and be choosy about what you do. You can just relax at the villa by the pool and eat cheaply. You can always say you don't feel well. But if you are splitting the cost of taxis and buying your own drinks it might be ok. It's really too late not to go without causing major upset and losing your money anyway.

YANBU OP - you win batshit hendo