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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have arrived unannounced?

145 replies

ChiantiOnTap · 16/05/2017 07:01

I'm looking for a nursery for my daughter to start in September. She'll be 2. Me and my husband decided to visit a potential yesterday to look around. We didn't ring ahead as I wanted to see what it was like on an average day (as far as possible).

The nursery refused us entry and specifically stated that we don't have DBS checks (coincidentally we both do as we work with vulnerable people in NHS roles but they weren't to know that). When I queried further they said that the parents of the children would need to be notified of our presence and they couldn't do this now.

AIBU to think that this is batshit? When they take them out to the park or wherever there could be all number of people hanging around without DBS checks. But they're the responsible adults that the parents have trusted to safeguard their children surely?

I wouldn't expect to be left in a room alone with the children btw. Just escorted through, briefly observing whatever happened to be going on at the time.

AIBU? Is this not a thing?

OP posts:
nicp123 · 16/05/2017 09:38

I agree, you don't just turn up and expect to be invited in for a tour!
There are so many things which can go wrong! You might be a genuine couple but not everybody is like you.
I remember many years ago a person I know (manager at a local nursery) had a member of her staff allowing a man in for 'a tour'. There wasn't an extra member of staff on site to show him around...it turned out the man was actually mentally ill & looking for Ms X (his ex-wife)
When he found out that she wasn't working there anymore, he shouted abuse at the staff and at the little children! By the time the police arrived he was long gone! The children were scared and the staff mortified!
Are there any care or educational settings today really allowing strangers in nurseries without booking in advance or visiting on Open Days?
I know some primary schools with 'Open Door' policy but only for the parents of current pupils.

LagunaBubbles · 16/05/2017 09:41

Of course you wrongly assumed that a member of staff would be free to show you round, that's why you need to make an appointment.

chameleon71 · 16/05/2017 09:43

YABU - as most people have said. Of course you needed an appointment - why would you assume someone would be free to show you around?

(Incidentally the same will go for primary schools in a few years' time...)

BettyOBarley · 16/05/2017 09:47

I only have experience of the two private nurseries that DD has been to and they both said we could drop in for a visit at any point without arranging a time - but we did ring first (and gave them a rough idea when)

MackerelOfFact · 16/05/2017 09:55

I honestly don't think I'd have a problem with potential parents coming in to view the nursery I place my daughter in

So you'd be totally fine if she wet herself and had to sit in her wet clothes for 20 minutes because her keyworker was giving a tour, or she came home with a huge bruise because she bashed her head when there weren't enough staff to properly supervise while they prioritised some unannounced visitors?

littlepooch · 16/05/2017 09:56

Yabu.

I do understand that you want to see them unannounced so that there is no "staging" going on.

But I would be really annoyed if my daughter's nursery let anyone walk in off the street to look around.

Plus there are staff to child ratio. I want her carers looking after her and the other kids, not showing people round or talking to them. You need to pre book so they can ensure someone is free to show you round. Especially strangers - they can't be left to wander around!

Original poster
ChiantiOnTap · 16/05/2017 09:58

As I've said, I didn't expect staff who were allocated in staff to child ratios to be pulled aside to accommodate us.

OP posts:
Nonibaloni · 16/05/2017 09:59

Um when my ds was in nursery most of them didn't make appointments they told you just to turn up.

It was about being open and nothing to hide.

Drive me potty because if the manager wasn't there you had to come back but you always got a tour.

And I went to hundreds because you know nothing was good enough for pfb.

I'd run a mile because if they give you crap excuses now they'll give crap excuses when you're child is rhere.

1nsanityscatching · 16/05/2017 10:04

I think it's hugely reassuring when a nursery/school is happy for you to drop in without an appointment. When I rang asking to make an appointment to view a school for my dd (reception age) I was put through to HT who said to pop in anytime (avoiding lunch break) and if he wasn't available someone from the office would show me round and then I could make an appointment to speak with him if I wanted. He felt it was important to have an open door policy and I do think it helped to foster good relationships between home/ school/local community tbh. Funnily enough the school who wanted lots of notice and very narrow visiting time frames felt really unwelcoming as a school and I would never have chosen that school for dd even though when I did visit it seemed a nice enough school (although the HT didn't seem to have good people skills and it felt very forced and stilted.)

BillyButtfuck · 16/05/2017 10:06

YABVVU

Crunchymum · 16/05/2017 10:12

So who is going to show you around Chianti? The spare member of staff who sits around twiddling their thumbs, just waiting for you to pop in? Confused

Crunchymum · 16/05/2017 10:13

Also "looked after" children is a very good reason. Its a safeguarding issue.

elephantscansing · 16/05/2017 10:35

Bigmack - They aren't allowed to let you in without an appointment due to safeguarding.

What a load of bollocks. Look at all the other replies on this thread saying nurseries do just that. Hmm

I'd be uncomfortable about a nursery who refused to let you tour and lied to you about why. If they'd said, 'Sorry, we're short-handed today' or 'This is a bad time', fair enough. but you do NOT need a DBS check to visit a nursery, FFS!

Nor do they tell the parents that prospective parents wil lbe coming around.

That's mad. I'd look for another nursery.

elephantscansing · 16/05/2017 10:37

But I would be really annoyed if my daughter's nursery let anyone walk in off the street to look around.

But why on earth?? OP is not someone 'off the street'; she's looking for a nursery for her dc. How did YOU find a nursery??

(And how many dc have been snatched/harmed by anyone inspecting the nursery, whether they made an appt or not? Lots of hysteria on this thread.)

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 16/05/2017 10:38

Patronising much Crunchy
Yep no problem at all with some random being shown around a nursery by a member of staff. What do you think could happen. The op wasn't trying to wander around herself she was looking for a supervised tour. What possible difference could an appointment make? What changes between an appointment being made and the actual appointment? Well what could change is the staff and activities are staged to show them in visitor mode rather than a normal day. And like Kipper pointed out it has usually been standard advice to avoid a place that only allows appointments because it suggests they have something to hide.
And my dc have attended two primary schools that have an open door policy. Both had locked buzzers doors so you couldn't get in without the receptionist letting you in but an open door policy does not mean the doors are flung open to the world it means parents and carers can feel free to drop in at any time. Again I like that the school has this policy it makes them feel approachable and helps cement the relationship between parent and school.

Nonibaloni · 16/05/2017 10:43

A visitor wouldn't be alone with the children and they certainly couldn't leave with a child. I am pretty sure (not certain) that there has to be a locked exit so you can't get out without anyone noticing.

Looked after children fall into a specific category and staff know how to keep them safe or should!

And there has to be staff to change nappies, deal with incidents, get supplies etc . So not loads sitting about but there be someone or definitely should be!

Also inspectors can turn up whenever they choose.

BeaveredBadgered · 16/05/2017 10:48

Our nursery is accessed by an intercom system. Once you've identified yourself as a staff member or parent you're buzzed in. I wouldn't feel happy with people being given access because they'd decided to pop in to check the nursery out, and what would be the point of that kind of security if anyone was given access whether or not they had an appointment?

The nursery is close to a busy London train station. There's no way I could have left my DD somewhere that didn't operate this basic security practise.

When show arounds happen, the manager contacts each parent by email and phone beforehand and parents sign in and out. No 'vetting' method will be failsafe but for me it's important to take measures to reduce risk.

MrsJayy · 16/05/2017 10:52

The Op isn't an inspector though Confused that nursery has a policy of not letting randomers walk in off the street which the op is however good her intentions are maybe the nursery isn't for her if they are expecting an open door policy.

AceholeRimmer · 16/05/2017 10:54

All the nurseries I have contacted just said people can turn up any time for a look around.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 16/05/2017 10:57

Of course you need an appointment. I did when I was looking and also had to bring my ID and my sons birth certificate just to look around.

They have to take security seriously. Would you be happy to send your dc to a nursery where they let anyone walk in off the street? I wouldn't.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 16/05/2017 10:58

The nurseries round me are quite small and simply do not have additional staff who would be available to show people round without an appointment. They do have cameras up in the rooms which show on a big screen in reception so no are not hiding anything.

MrsJayy · 16/05/2017 10:59

And that is fine if nurseries do that not all nurseries are so relaxed and imo that is fine too those nurseries will have good reason it isn't always because they have something to hide.

MrsJayy · 16/05/2017 11:00

The Op would not be able to rock up to a child minders house and have a look about I don''t see why nurseries need to be different.

AceholeRimmer · 16/05/2017 11:02

Another thread where people are discounting real life experiences. As you can see from replies, there are many, many nurseries around who allow drop-ins.. So the OP is right to question it.

ExConstance · 16/05/2017 11:03

Nursing homes usually promote the fact that you can go along and have a look around if you are looking for a bed. Someone will show you round but you can be certain that you are seeing the home as it is, not in some tidied up sanitised way.

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