To think DH is being too harsh on DD??

[FataliePorkman]

DD1 is 17 today.

Saturday night we agreed she could stay out later than usual as her friend was having a house party- we told her to be home for 2am. Her boyfriend was bringing her home and staying over.

Anyway DH was still sat downstairs at 1am and I told him to come to bed as we needed to trust DD and as she is nearly an adult she needs to start to make her own decisions. He does baby her a lot- but seems to forget that we moved in together at 16 and had our own fun without our parents breathing down out necks and I feel DD deserves the same respect as she is a good kid most of the time.

Anyway DD stumbled in about 2.30. DH started a row with her about being late which woke up me, DD2 and my parents who were over for the weekend to see DD1 for her birthday.

Sent DH back to bed and put DD to bed- asked where her BF was and she told me he had stayed out and she had come home and had got a cab.

Anyway yesterday morning DH parents came over for lunch and we were sat down when the police knocked on the door- DDs boyfriend has stolen a sizable amount of money from the house where the party was and was also found to be in possession of marijuana.

DD is not in trouble- the police came to talk her as the girl didn't know her boyfriend so gave the police her details.

DH is fuming. We were not aware DDs boyfriend smoked pot- but as far as I'm concerned it isn't our business and DD insists she hasn't touched it and I do believe that but doesn't see our concern about the fact he has been driving her around stoned.

We have brought her a car for her birthday which we are collecting on Thursday- we have just paid a deposit and will pay the balance on collection. DH has now said he isn't prepared to contribute towards the car.

Family members and friends have given her a generous amount of money to do an intensive driving course.

DH is pissed off with DD anyway as she has not made an effort to get a part time job and I will admit it annoys me a little too when she is only at college 3 days a week.

AIBU?

He's a Dad - his "little girl" is spreading her wings and delving into the world of an adult. Not a big deal. But he is finding it hard to let go.

She needs support and understanding and a discussion about the dangers of driving whilst under the influence of drugs; and the importance of being careful about the cars she gets lifts in.

She just needs lots of love - not punishment.

Atenco - Yes! Not just driving while under the influence, but stealing too - and v probably dealing.

I'd be buggered if the little shite would cross my doorstep again, let alone be allowed to drive dd anywhere.

But she didnt follow his lead she got a cab home.

Naive about getting into a car with him whilst he was stoned in the past..yes

But she is growing up. DD is only this sensible because I place my trust in her to do the right thing. Sometimes it goes wrong and her judgement gets scewed. As long as she is safe. I am there at the end of the phone if things get hairy. We can talk about what went wrong and press the reset button. Learn from it and move on. If you are going to continually punish the dd for stuff that has happened in the past then all that happens is nothing is learned and you risk her not coming home next time . Why should she if she got punished for being a bit late. Or worse her getting in his car when he is stoned again and the next time she doesn't come out of it.

A sensible talk about how good she was to leave the party and her bf when she did and should she be thinking about what type of person who is invited to someone's house and then steals from them is and then wished a happy birthday and given her present which should have been given on the understanding she needed to fund the petrol and running costs herself.

Not the shouting and rant and the withholding of her present. Which teaches nothing.

What happened in the end, OP?

definitely not overinvested