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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a lack of joint account shouldn't mean one partner is worse off?

102 replies

Rainer · 15/05/2017 16:14

Brief to try and keep from whinging. Grin

I work 22hr a week, with usually additional earnings from working extra.

Dh works full time. He brings home, even with my extra work, about £800 more than me.

Taking into account all our outgoings he has 350 odd more than I do.

I try and save a good chunk to try and afford a holiday. But lack of money in general means that for eg this month after all outgoings I'm left with ten pounds for spends. He has 347.

He says as I work less than him I should earn less and have less income. He offers to go part time and let me work full time but my job brings in less earnings.

He wants me to go through and try and make savings on the household budget, my bills have increased by 110 since Christmas. He's refused to help towards that additional costs.

Long and short, if you don't have a joint account, how do you split your money in a way that you feel is fair?

OP posts:
splendide · 15/05/2017 16:15

Do you have children?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2017 16:17

Short answer; you're married and he's treating you like a flatmate.

Long answer; it depends. Did you choose less work, would you support him if he worked less, is he stressed about work and affording things, are you a spender, any children?

Wishiwasonholiday1 · 15/05/2017 16:20

I think it's unfair if you're struggling. Isn't it meant to be a partnership?!
We don't have a joint acc, my husband earns a lot more than I do, I'm on maternity leave at the mo. He's covering everything, but if need extra then he's always happy to pay for things.
When I'm at work (full time), I pay slightly less than half towards household bills and he makes sure I have enough left over in my personal acc for my spending.

Original poster
Rainer · 15/05/2017 16:21

Sorry yes. Three children.

I do like to spend, as does he. Major debt problems on his part, mine are building as I regularly run out of money.

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 15/05/2017 16:21

Do you Split bills in 1/2? If so you earn less so should contribute less.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 15/05/2017 16:22

That's not fair at all, you should both have equal disposable income. Do you have DC?

Auchan · 15/05/2017 16:24

I don't think that's fair at all. The bills shouldn't be split exactly in half as you earn less. It should be proportionate to the income.

donajimena · 15/05/2017 16:24

Do you split bills equally?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2017 16:27

3 children? When you aren't doing your 22 hours work, are you looking after them or sitting around eating bonbons and MNing Grin

Because if you are looking after the children, that's a family expense (your loss of earnings). If he wants you to work more, surely then the children will need after-school care, which costs money.

Does he do 50% of the shitwork as well?

c3pu · 15/05/2017 16:27

My ex and I never had a joint account. She was a SAHM, I work full time.

Pretty much all the bills/expenses came out of my account, she had the CB/CTC paid into her account so she had an income of sorts. She paid the TV licence out of it and her PAYG phone bill, the rest was hers to do as she pleased with... Usually went on clothes for her and the kids I think! She was happy enough with the arrangement, seemed to work OK for us.

smellylittleorange · 15/05/2017 16:28

husband earns over double ..I therefore pay a third of all bills etc..he tends to pay for holidays he can't go without them we spend in different ways so this is easier than a joint account for us. He has lots of one off payments for his car, football season ticket etc. I tend to spend more than I should over the month . Do you have children ?

Trifleorbust · 15/05/2017 16:31

He is having a laugh. If you are picking up care for the children during the time you aren't working for pay, how the hell does it work that you 'work less'? You don't work less. The required work of raising a family is divided in the way you have (I assume) mutually agreed.

smellylittleorange · 15/05/2017 16:31

at the end of the day you will see many answers here but the majority will be happy with the arrangement. It works for their family set up..i think you know you are not happy so things obviously need to.change

SciFiFan2015 · 15/05/2017 16:32

My DH works more hours than me and earns more per hour. I work PT to be around for the DC.
We pool ALL income 2x salaries plus child benefit). Then add up ALL expenditure (child care, pensions, savings, debt, everything, seriously everything, we run separate spreadsheets to average out expenditure which varies). This is then covered by the income.

Any surplus is split 50/50

We're a team and he can only work the hours he does because of my support with the DC and family admin.

He then supports me when I have occasional freelance work. This money is saved a) to pay my taxes and NI from the freelance earnings and b) to pay for boring stuff like home improvements- recently a boiler (old one was 28 years old!)

The important thing though is that we have the same discretionary spending money.

alltouchedout · 15/05/2017 16:40

Our money is family money, or our marriage is over.

notmaryberry · 15/05/2017 16:40

My DH earns 5x what I do, but I've always been better with money so he transfers over more than enough to pay the bills, we both have a bit of spending money and any excess goes in the savings which then gets used for holidays, car repairs etc. If your husband has 'major' debt problems then I would argue that there is no excess as it should all be going on debt repayment.

2rebecca · 15/05/2017 16:51

Agree with Mrs Terry Pratchett. Not sure why you had any children with someone than mean spirited and selfish. I earn more than my husband but our money is our money. I love him so why would I want him to be skint if I have extra money?
If one of you is a spendthrift I can understand dividing the spare money in 2 so the profligate person doesn't spend it all, but the higher earner keeping the extra is bizarre to me

supermoon100 · 15/05/2017 16:59

These threads always amaze me. How can you not have a joint account with someone you have kids with. He can only go to work because you are looking after his kids!

CPtart · 15/05/2017 16:59

DH earns several times what I do. We each pay a % of our salary into a joint account for all bills, absolutely everything, then the rest is for each of us to spend as we wish.

n0ne · 15/05/2017 17:01

DH and I don't have a joint account and he earns 3x what I do. He pays nearly all the bills and all the car running costs, I pay the mortgage and pretty much everything for DD, but if I skint myself, he just tops up my account with a few hundred. And on the odd occasion he's somehow skint, I'll bail him out. No questions asked. Regardless of who earns what, your income should be shared jointly, imo.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 15/05/2017 17:04

Its sounds like a dreadful situation

Luckily for me all our money is shared

I think it can work with partners on equal amounts but it's virtually impossible with people on very different wages and in your case with a selfish mean husband

LakieLady · 15/05/2017 17:05

This

I try and save a good chunk to try and afford a holiday.

and this

I do like to spend, as does he. Major debt problems on his part, mine are building as I regularly run out of money.

show me that neither of you are able to budget. He has "major" debts and yours are building. You'll never be debt free all the time you (try to) spend on luxuries like holidays rather clear your debts. Trying to work out who should be paying how much of joint expenses while you're in a financial hole is a bit like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic.

Contact CAB and get an appointment with a debt adviser, and see how you can both get out of the mess you're in. You might then end up paying less servicing debt and have more disposable income.

As a general principle though I think both should pay household bills in proportion to their income.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/05/2017 17:07

Aha. I get the feeling the childcare bill - the time you care for them enabling him to have a full time job - is invisible here?

Bill him for it.

Asmoto · 15/05/2017 17:10

it's virtually impossible with people on very different wages

It isn't impossible, it just takes a bit of setting up - I earn 5x my DH's wage and we have separate accounts. All the bills come out of my account and I transfer money to him.

minimart · 15/05/2017 17:11

That doesn't sound fair at all OP. We don't have a joint account and DH is the sole earner but it works for us as he pays for almost everything and we don't try to split costs in any way. I have a bit of my own income coming into my account and he transfers a lump sum for spending money as well which he tops up when it runs low. We don't keep tabs on what each other spends. I think as your salaries are more similar and you have debt, you'll need to work out a fair contribution more precisely and calculate it as percentages.

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