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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did I overreact?

112 replies

PizzaPower · 15/05/2017 15:51

And if so what should I do.

An important bit of background; I was diagnosed with terminal cancer earlier this year and the Dr's think I have anyway between 6 & 12 months, though we know it's not an exact art.

I'm currently on palliative chemo, and as a result know my reaction to events are not always fully rational.

Anyhow a friend (real life & Facebook) posted an anti Tory meme over the weekend (fair enough) but had added personally in the post; "This is why all Tory voters need to fuck off and drop dead".

Very childish of me I know, but I wrote back; "As you know I plan too, unfortunately for you my Dr expects it to be after the election."
Then unfriended and blocked, I also blocked her on my phone.
However unknown to me a large number of mutual friends have had a go at her and said they want nothing more to do with her.

Though someone that is still speaking to her, apparently she is devastated at everyone's reaction. Spent most of yesterday in tears over people's response to her.
(Sorry for length); mutual friend thinks I need to forgive, with the hope that others will do the same and she won't loose all these friendships?
To be honest, I really can't be arsed, but AIBI? Do I let her reap what has been sown or should I get involved again?

OP posts:
pictish · 15/05/2017 17:27

I agree with cansu.

I am very sorry to hear about your illness but you have gone well OTT in your reaction. As for everyone that fell out with her over it - what a fickle bunch...maybe they enjoy having a common enemy...like kids do.

God forbid anyone should ever inadvertently put their foot in it eh? Because that's never happened to anyone before. Oh, except for everyone.

saoirse31 · 15/05/2017 17:28

Realistically, do you think the other friends would have reacted the way they did if you hadn't posted? I'd think not.

I'd be inclined to talk to her, clear air, and maybe unblock

Mrsmadevans · 15/05/2017 17:29

It was stupid and insensitive of her to do that but I think she prob just didn't think . I hope you have much much longer to live my dear OP Good Luck my dear!

pictish · 15/05/2017 17:37

Quite frankly if you would stand by and watch her being ostracised by other people over this, it says more about you (and them) than her.

pictish · 15/05/2017 17:38

Stupid comment though it was, it wasn't personal. What she has got in response is very personal.

TheFirstMrsDV · 15/05/2017 17:41

Pizza I lost my DD to cancer and I supported my friend though hers until we lost her a couple of years ago.
My opinion is this, if a person has a terminal diagnosis they have an absolute right to react the way they bloody want to people saying and doing stupid things.
My lovely friend would have reacted the way you did. Things on FB and twitter used to upset her every so often. People really are bloody idiots.

I am a lifelong and staunch Leftie but that meme is fucking terrible.

Flowers
TheFirstMrsDV · 15/05/2017 17:42

She won't be ostracised. People will forget about it very quickly.
I don't like to think of her being distraught but she will get over it and the OP has the right to be as pissed off as she is.

IMO

OfaFrenchmind2 · 15/05/2017 17:45

YANBU OP. Maybe people are piling on her because this is the last straw for them, and they are fed up with such a preachy person. Nobody likes a thoughless loud mouth that behave like a stroppy teenager on facebook. Maybe she just needed that attitude adjustment. The caring left indeed...

pictish · 15/05/2017 17:46

I do get it...I understand where and why offence has been taken by the OP but I don't think it deserves what it has got.

IloveBanff · 15/05/2017 17:50

The woman knows about the OP's prognosis and that she votes Tory. Yet she said what she did. Why the hell the OP wouldn't take that personally I don't know. I certainly would have. Why shouldn't this woman feel bad because other people also disapproved? The OP's response was spot on and not an overreaction. Having said that, I think that the OP should do precisely what will make her feel better.

pictish · 15/05/2017 17:53

Maybe the OP isn't in this woman's conscious thoughts every minute of every day in every circumstance? Maybe she simply forgot.
Is that a credible opinion?

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 15/05/2017 17:55

Whether of not any of your FB friends are Tory voters and whether or not any of them have a terminal illness, use of the phrase "fuck off and drop dead" in such a blasé way is massively offensive

I imagine that the friends of the OP who have also taken issue with this woman are also offended and not just showing solidarity to the OP

If she has any sense then she will apologise to all her FB friends and not just the OP

pictish · 15/05/2017 17:58

Yes it was a childish, inarticulate and stupid thing to say...but pretty ignorable for most.

StickThatInYourPipe · 15/05/2017 18:01

Has she come back to you with an apology yet OP?

Quartz2208 · 15/05/2017 18:02

Drop dead is an idiom, and is a well known phrase to mean either stop bothering me or expressing a dislike for something. So in effect she is saying she wishes that they would stop bothering her because she does not like it.

Now whether the phrase is tasteful, probably not but actually is no worse than a lot of other idioms that we use. She probably forgot about your prognosis when she wrote it. Thats the thing with facebook you forget exactly who your audience is

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 15/05/2017 18:06

Really pictish?

Perhaps I am more selective about who I'm friends with on FB than you but I would not be impressed to see that written on my FB newsfeed (and I am neither a tory nor terminally ill)

I've seen plenty of political cap on FB over the past few weeks from people at both ends of the political spectrum but none wishing death upon everyone who doesn't agree with their viewpoint

pictish · 15/05/2017 18:07

If you say so.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 15/05/2017 18:07

*Crap not cap

MadamePomfrey · 15/05/2017 18:07

She made a mistake and didn't think I agree, however for multiple people to have defriended how long was the post left up after you commented?

Personally I would have deleted her with out thinking I don't want to be friends with people who post that kind of stuff. So I wouldn't feel to guilty op people won't just have been reacting to your comment

AmserGwin · 15/05/2017 18:10

I think you were a bit harsh yes, the post wasn't aimed at you personally

pineapplesquash · 15/05/2017 18:13

OP, you're my new hero. What a brilliant comeback.

I don't think you owe anyone an apology. Whatever responses she got from others were completely deserved and hopefully she now knows better than to try to bully people into agreeing with her political views.

Best wishes to you.

PeanutButterBunny · 15/05/2017 18:15

She deserves it. And why should you think of her feelings now when she didnt think of yours? F her.

NavyandWhite · 15/05/2017 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 15/05/2017 18:17

What you said to her was bad ass would love to shake your hand for that one. I think your friend needs to apoligies to you she should've known that what she probably thought of as just a throw away thing to say would upset you. I am sorry about your diagnoises Flowers

pineapplesquash · 15/05/2017 18:21

IMO it doesn't matter whether the post was aimed at the OP or not. It was aimed at anyone who disagrees with the poster's political views and she said they should drop dead. When people post deplorable shit like this they don't expect to be challenged or called out on it. The OP thankfully did. The friend really has nowhere to go because she has publicly told a massive majority of the population, including her terminally ill friend, to drop dead and some of you think this disgusting human is owed an apology? Er, no.