Did I overreact?

[PizzaPower]

And if so what should I do.

An important bit of background; I was diagnosed with terminal cancer earlier this year and the Dr's think I have anyway between 6 & 12 months, though we know it's not an exact art.

I'm currently on palliative chemo, and as a result know my reaction to events are not always fully rational.

Anyhow a friend (real life & Facebook) posted an anti Tory meme over the weekend (fair enough) but had added personally in the post; "This is why all Tory voters need to fuck off and drop dead".

Very childish of me I know, but I wrote back; "As you know I plan too, unfortunately for you my Dr expects it to be after the election."
Then unfriended and blocked, I also blocked her on my phone.
However unknown to me a large number of mutual friends have had a go at her and said they want nothing more to do with her.

Though someone that is still speaking to her, apparently she is devastated at everyone's reaction. Spent most of yesterday in tears over people's response to her.
(Sorry for length); mutual friend thinks I need to forgive, with the hope that others will do the same and she won't loose all these friendships?
To be honest, I really can't be arsed, but AIBI? Do I let her reap what has been sown or should I get involved again?

[shinynewusername]

The FB comment was childish and thoughtless, but we talk about death all the time without meaning it literally - "I could have killed him", "I feel like death warmed up" etc etc. I bet most people use an expression about death without meaning it literally at least once a day. Your initial comeback was awesome and she deserved it, but I think totally cutting her out was OTT.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

It would all depend on the apology.

If there was one and it was genuine then I would put it down to momentary thoughtlessness and move on.

If its a "I am sorry if you are upset" kind of apology then she could sod off.

[user1471531877]

It was a thoughtless , stupid comment and you quite rightly pulled her up on it. Do you like this friend or do you have a history?
Given her very public punishment and remorse it would be very magnanimous to let her apologise and move forward .
If you don't feel able to do this I wouldn't blame you one bit .

[Pinkheart5917]

What a brilliant comeback and No I don't think you overreacted at all!

This is why all Tory voters need to fuck off and drop dead was a very nasty thing IMO for someone to say, it's fine is disagree with the way people vote but to wish they'd drop dead is a bit extreme. I mean who says something like that? Not a very nice person

[Littledidsheknow]

I think you've been very reasonable OP and not overreacted. It was a silly thoughtless thing to write, even if not directed at you. No one could blame you for being upset.

I think you're right to forgive if an apology is made, and encourage your other friends to do likewise.

[Welshmaenad]

I do think you overreacted, yes. But very understandably, I'm sorry if what she said hurt you and I'm sorry for what you are going through, it's unimaginable.

People say silly things and I don't think, if this friend is generally reasonable, that she thought for a moment it would affect you the way it has. It's a phrase - an unpleasant one, yes, but some people feel strongly about politics if they are personally affected by policies.

I had time off work just after my mum died suddenly of cancer. I rang in to my boss about 3-4 days after her death because I was stressing about an event. She told me not to worry about work right now and added "Nobody's going to die, Welsh!". Thus followed several moments of hideously tense silence when she realised what she's said and started apologising profusely. But she didn't mean malice.

I'm sure your friend feels dreadful. Maybe give yourself some time then open the channels of communication to allow her to apologise, which I'm sure she is keen to do. It would be hideous for you both if this was the last communication you had with one another.

[BoredandConfused]

I don't think you over reacted and even if you did, it would be totally understandable.
I also think you are doing the right thing in giving her the opportunity to make amends.

OP, you sound marvelous. I am so sorry about your diagnosis

[fassbendersmistress]

People really do need to stop and consider "would I say this to a roomful of friends and acquaintances in RL?" And if not, then why the hell post it on Facebook???

I don't think you overreacted OP, because it was clearly an inflammatory post. I'm not sure what she expected?? I've seen this sort of thing play out on FB with Brexit and Trump and it's led to some fairly nasty exchanges and demands to 'delete me as your friend' etc....

You are quite right to sit back and let it play out. She should reach out to you, not the other way around.

Ps: I'm sure your post will have influenced others' reactions but I bet they were already a bit from the original post alone.

[jellyrolly]

First of all, I'm sorry for your diagnosis.

I think there's a big difference between a simile such as "I feel like death warmed up" and wishing people would fuck off and drop dead. That's full of hatred and malice whichever way you look at it. Yes it wasn't meant for you personally but that's not the point. I think you are questioning your reaction because other people have given her a roasting and she is upset because of that. She sounds really childish. I wouldn't do anything. You've done nothing wrong. She sounds like the sort of person who will manipulate the situation so that you have contact of some sort so wait for that to happen. Then you can accept her apology gracefully.

[changingmylifecompletely28489]

Amazing reaction. No, you didn't react.

I'm sending you all my POSITIVE thoughts & love! God bless you & bring you health!

[changingmylifecompletely28489]

*overreact ffs

[YouWhatMate]

This is why all Tory voters need to fuck off and drop dead was a very nasty thing IMO

Agreed. I think I'd be defriending that person anyway (and I'm not even a tory voter), but I do think the drama OP created was an overreaction, albeit an understandable one given your situation.

But OP, your situation is exactly the reason why you shouldn't be wasting time with this rubbish. Delete the person from fb (or better yet, just delete faecbook entirely), but don't waste your time on creating drama over this kind of crap. It's not worth it.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Honestly? I think you overreacted. People use over the top phrases all the time, not everything is meant personally.

I'm really sorry for your diagnosis, I suspect you would be better off without all the drama.

[Herbella]

Dear OP,
if you wish to be magnanimous and forgive her that is entirely up to you.
In any case, it is to be hoped that she has learned a valuable life lesson.
Personally, I would block and unfriend anyone who posted such a vile, spiteful remark, so many of your mutual acquaintances may have been reacting as much as to what she said as to your reply.
Wishing you peace,

[IloveBanff]

I don't think you overreacted at all OP. She deserved the consequences. What a nasty woman.

[Tazerface]

I don't think you overreacted.

The thing is, when you're an adult you should br able to think these things through and wishing death on anybody is pretty shitty regardless of their political affiliations.

If she was so upset, she could send a message to OP - which OP is of course not obligated to accept or open - or email, or write a letter, telephone; she could even post a heartfelt apologyn on bloody Facebook and ask someone to screenshot and send it to you!

Best wishes OP.

[Notanother1]

Sorry about your illness, but yes, I do think you massively over reacted. Of course you knew it wasn't aimed at you personally but have twisted it. I'm sure it's a very difficult time for you but surely silly things like this would make it worse.

[PizzaPower]

Again, thank you all very much. As I said before it is really useful to get an unbiased view on events.

As mentioned I've unblocked and will let her know this via a mutual friend. I've decided the next step is then up to her, so we shall see where this goes.

[Coffeetasteslikeshit]

Good luck OP, I think you're doing the right thing.

[Emmageddon]

If she's been a good friend to you, then don't fall out over politics. So sorry to hear of your diagnosis, that sucks. Understatement of the year. But yeah, the guilt she must feel about making a flippant remark on facebook must be eating her up. So offer the olive branch and make friends again. Good luck and lots of love to you.

[cansu]

To be honest all the facebook drama and letting her know you have unblocked her etc all seems a bit odd. You either like her and want her as a friend or you dont. If she was a genuine friend you would have told her personally that her comment upset you. Or maybe she isnt a real friend and is just a social media acquaintance.

[Sprinklestar]

In your position, I wouldn't give it another thought. Focus on your health and happiness and surrounding yourself with positivity for the precious time you have left. I have a friend in your position and wouldn't want her to waste a second of her time thinking about this.

[rightwhine]

I think she didn't mean what she said but it wasn't very nice. Yours was a fab comeback and had it been said with a after it, it would have made the point but kept things light hearted.
People have strong views but there is no point falling out with friends over politics. Live and let live.

You did over react but then you are allowed to be in whatever emotional state you like, given your circumstances. If she is a good friend she will grovel like mad. If she doesn't you've seen her true colours.

for you.

[Misswiggy]

pizza you rock, you really do!

If she comes to you with apologies then graciously accept and then just don't engage with her any more. If you only have 6-12 months to live it's not worth wasting time withsomeone you're not that bovvered about.
Love to you too xx