Did I overreact?

[PizzaPower]

And if so what should I do.

An important bit of background; I was diagnosed with terminal cancer earlier this year and the Dr's think I have anyway between 6 & 12 months, though we know it's not an exact art.

I'm currently on palliative chemo, and as a result know my reaction to events are not always fully rational.

Anyhow a friend (real life & Facebook) posted an anti Tory meme over the weekend (fair enough) but had added personally in the post; "This is why all Tory voters need to fuck off and drop dead".

Very childish of me I know, but I wrote back; "As you know I plan too, unfortunately for you my Dr expects it to be after the election."
Then unfriended and blocked, I also blocked her on my phone.
However unknown to me a large number of mutual friends have had a go at her and said they want nothing more to do with her.

Though someone that is still speaking to her, apparently she is devastated at everyone's reaction. Spent most of yesterday in tears over people's response to her.
(Sorry for length); mutual friend thinks I need to forgive, with the hope that others will do the same and she won't loose all these friendships?
To be honest, I really can't be arsed, but AIBI? Do I let her reap what has been sown or should I get involved again?

[StickThatInYourPipe]

Completely understandable that you got upset about this but I have to say I feel quite sorry for her. She said a damn stupid thing! But does that really justify ruining her life and friendship group forever because of it? Plus if you never forgive her, she will have to live with the guilt of that always. I don't think I could do that to someone, no matter how stupid a thing they had said in a spur of the moment stupid comment.

[PizzaPower]

Thanks everyone. This is why I love this forum, I know there are plenty of you out there that will help people have a clear view of things.

Just a couple of answers; yes, she does know my political views. However, I am almost certain that as others have said, this was posted without though, and not aimed at me.

I think if it was just me that had cut ties I wouldn't worry. But as some of you have said, she's suffered a massive fall out from mutual friends over this. And their reactions no doubt came from my response.

I think I'll unblock, and just see how things unravel over the next day or so and see if we can rebuild. I've never asked and never will others to take sides in all this.

[Kokusai]

She said a stupid thing, but it wasn't actually aimed at you was it? And for all your friends to take umbridge is a little bit petty and school yard.

I think you over reacted.

Maybe she had see first hand the suffering inflicted on a vulnerable family member as a result of some of the changes the torys have done. Unfortunately you aren't the only one suffering in the world :-(

[StickThatInYourPipe]

However this is why I also really hate Facebook and other social networking sites!

[Kokusai]

x post - wow OP that is like the most reasonable turn around ever!

[northernlites]

There was no need for her to add a personal and offensive attack to her meme for her to voice her views, so she was being extremely rude.
YANBU, it was a justified response. She will now hopefully see the consequences of her actions
Do not take the responsibility of the other friends actions (of ditching her) on your shoulders, it was her doing, they obviously also found it offensive. They made their own choice to respond the way they did.
I assume you were friends inRL also, so she can approach you (without the need for social media) if she feels sufficiently sorry to make amends and repair the friendship.

[shinyredbus]

I don't know if you over-reacted. I hate memes like that - I've seen a fair few pop up on my husbands feed and while it doesn't bother him, it bothers me - i don't get why people think they should post god-awful things like that.

I think where you (might) have over-reacted is blocking her (to be honest i would have too) People post lots of shit on FB without even thinking (my sister is one of them!) and i am sure she didn't mean to offend you personally.

I would unblock her and give her the chance to apologise.

[Peanutbutterrules]

Sorry about your diagnosis. It was a great comeback frankly and she probably suffered a great deal when she read it.

Good idea to forgive I think.

[plantsitter]

I reckon you can't be arsed because ultimately it doesn't matter in the scheme of things. She made a mistake.

It would be kind to allow her to apologise and tell everyone else to butt out because she will be feeling terrible. I think feeling angry enough to block her and unfriend her etc was an over reaction. But of course you have better things to think about right now so it's your call.

[ChicRock]

It's pretty stupid to post something really fucking nasty like "all Tory voters need to fuck off and die" on Facebook, but to then start bleating "oh I didn't mean it", "oh it wasn't aimed at you" if there's any fallout is fucking cowardly.

She sounds like a twat who needs to engage her brain before her fingers hit the keyboard. She's basically told probably about a third of her friends and family to "fuck off and die".

If I was voting Tory I'd have taken offence at that - terminal cancer or not.

[MollyHopps]

I think you were well within your right to respond as you did OP, and if you feel you can't be arsed with her then go with your feelings.

You are going through something huge. Make the most of the time you have left by doing what is best for you

[SherlockPotter]

I'm not a Tory voter and never will be but that comment is unnecessary, not to mention childish and immature. You did the right thing by blocking her.

[RB68]

The point is that it is a particularly childish thing to say over something like politics, my own pet hate is when people get so overheated about sports like footie in particular, In terms of apologising she could always go and see her, maybe a bit old fashioned but would mean something.

Was it a harsh overeaction. Hmmm probably way too much black humour/irony in there. Will certainly make sure she thinks twice before posting anything similar again. In terms of how other people are treating her they are probably overeacting given in reality it wasn't personally aimed at just you

[stitchglitched]

I don't think you overreacted. Her comment was ridiculous and you had every right to find it hurtful. I'm sure she is regretting what she said now though, and your latest post is a very gracious response and plan of action.

[shaggedthruahedgebackwards]

No, I don't think you overreacted

Saying anyone should "fuck off and drop dead" (except perhaps murderers & rapists) on FB is grossly offensive and if she doesn't realise that then she is pretty stupid

Has she actually apologised?

It is entirely up to you whether you decide to forgive her but I think at the least she should openly apologise

[ChicRock]

She said a stupid thing, but it wasn't actually aimed at you was it?

Well, actually it was.

It was aimed at everyone on her friends list who votes Tory, she feels it acceptable to tell them to "fuck off and die" regardless of what's going on in their life, personal problems, work issues, regardless of their reasons for voting as they choose.

To late to start going "boo hoo I didn't mean you".

The fallout from other friends is likely not even related to the reaction from the OP.

[Gazelda]

I think that it's the mutual friends who have over-reacted. I understand their solidarity, but they should be better placed to forgive her than you are. They weren't the 'victim' of her post (I know you're not a victim, but you hopefully know what I mean), and seem to be being offended on your behalf, despite logically knowing that it wasn't a personal attack on you.

It seems a bit off that the comment felt to you as though it related to your situation, yet you're the one un-raffling everyone's feathers.

[Italiangreyhound]

Really sorry OP for your personal news.

Your friends comments are unthinkably rude, but for me I would kind of assume she just used a very unfortunate phrase at a very unfortunate time. Holding on to any anger will not do you any good (IMHO) and I would suggest you make it known to your mutual friend you would be open to an apology.

My friend has terminal cancer, I am so very sad for her. I think anyone who talks about death and dying flippantly is very unwise, but I think she now knows this.

You have a chance to be the bigger, better, person. I think positivity is good, so find a positive response to her apology, when you get it, if you want my advice.

[SnapAttack]

That wasn't cool for her to have written.. I think what you said was fine even if no aimed at you.

She should be able to seek you out in real life.or phone and apologise.

Is she crying because she regrets what she said and realising how nasty a thing it is to say

Or because she has had fall out from friends sticking up for you?

I think she is crying as she has been made to feel.like a monster as suddenly her blasé words aren't so blasé anymore and she is a vilLian for being so insensitive.

Like you say.. she probably didn't think and just used those awful.words very thoughtlessly... and hopefully will think twice before doing so again. I think you both wpuld feel better if she had the chance to apologise is she is truly sorry

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

She said a stupid thing but she didn't deserve to spend a whole day in tears, devastated. Poor woman. I think you owe her an apology.

I don't.

To say those that vote a different view to you need to fuck off and drop dead is ridiculous and not on.

This situation will be something she has to deal with long after you're gone.

[PizzaPower]

Shagged - hasn't apologiesed to me yet. But to be fair I haven't until I unblocked her given her a chance too.

[Italiangreyhound]

just seen your update, good news.

I think mutual friends have over-acted too, Gazela, almost like professionally taking offense on behalf of the OP and maybe adding to the gravity of it for the OP - so not helpful.

[TheMysteriousJackelope]

I suspect that the backlash from other people could very well have nothing to do with you but could be a the natural reaction of people to an extremist wishing people dead because of their political views.

I think letting her have the opportunity to apologize would be a kind thing. Or even reaching out to tell her that you think that she didn't mean her comment literally. I don't think your comment was the equivalent of what she posted, it was a bit snarky, but she set that up with her zealot like post. If people don't feel the consequences of their actions, how will they ever learn?

[MissionItsPossible]

Hopefully this will give her a short, sharp shock and teach her a lesson that it doesn't matter if it's online, or on your own wall or Twitter: You can't expect to make horrible statements like that and not expect to be called out on it. So she should feel tearful and upset. However, If i were you if you were able i'd forgive her if she seems truly sorry.