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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Straw poll: hen weekend budgets.

145 replies

PamplemousseRouge · 15/05/2017 10:05

Hi everyone :)

Sorry this is a rubbish AIBU! To be honest, it's more of a WWYD - I just wanted to get your opinions on this if that's okay!

I'm organising a hen weekend at the moment with two other people (A and B). A, who has organised hen weekends before, has suggested a budget of £250.

This budget would have included:
return train travel from London to the city where we're spending the weekend; cottage accommodation for 2 nights with two activities included; all taxi transfers on arrival and departure between the train station and the accommodation; dinner, drinks and club entry for Saturday evening; dinner on Friday night; lunch on Saturday; breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.

Our original plan was to do the two activities included in the accommodation package on the Saturday (the only full day we're there). We thought perhaps that we could do one in the morning and one in the afternoon before going out in the evening.

However, due to the timings and nature of one of the activities, we may have to do have the two activities included in the accommodation package on different days. B has suggested then that we do one of the activities on the Friday night and the second activity on the Saturday morning. B then suggested doing another activity on the Saturday afternoon, which would bring the original budget to around at least £280 per person for the whole weekend.

What do you think is a reasonable budget for a hen weekend (2 nights) in the U.K. please?

Thanks everyone :)

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 15/05/2017 10:34

I've just had mine. My friends spent the following:

Accomodation: £56 for two nights
Drink/food/decor for cottage: £30
Spa (with optional treatment and lunch): £65
Dinner night 1: £20
Pizza night 2: £5
Night-out night 2: £25 (I know because I was in charge of the kitty!)
Petrol kitty: £5

So basically £200pp. I was trying to keep it as cheap as possible for people who, for various reasons, don't have piles of dosh but still wanted to go away. We could've easily dropped the spa which was pricey, but everyone did enjoy it. I also subsidised the accomodation and dinner a bit which helped reduce costs per person. But I'm the bride and I was happy and in a financial position to do that- I wouldn't expect my friends to pay for me. £280 plus booze would be pretty expensive to me- you could get a last minute holiday for that!

FairyDogMother11 · 15/05/2017 10:34

I've been organising my sister's hen do and we're really doing the minimum so all her friends can be involved. Me and DM are paying for a spa day for all three of us and then we're doing dinner and drinks and clubbing in the evening. Will probably do hangover breakfast at a greasy spoon for anyone who wants to come the next morning. But anyone can opt in or out of any part of the night and spend as much or little as they want. I was priced out of my best friend's hen do by an over excited maid of honour. The whole weekend would have cost me in the ballpark of £400 and I couldn't physically afford that without putting myself in debt. The bride obviously eventually found out why and she was mortified that her maid of honour hadn't considered everyone's budgets and was very upset I'd been priced out.

It very much depends on who you're inviting as to whether that's reasonable or not, so maybe just put the feelers out with everyone invited just so no one misses out.

Original poster
PamplemousseRouge · 15/05/2017 10:40

Thanks very much everyone! :) I agree with everyone who says it's too expensive. I also agree that it seems to 'be the done thing' now as well . At least it's not abroad!

I'm working part time (I'm tutoring for a couple of hours a week, and applying for jobs at the moment), so I'm not sure how I'll afford it either.

OP posts:
McTufty · 15/05/2017 10:47

OP given that you have a cottage booked, are the activities necessary? You can do low cost stuff like games (mr and mrs etc), go for a walk. Or is it necessary to go or for dinner? Could you not just get a load of pizzas in to cook and do your drinking in?

What does the bride want? It may well be she is not bothered about going to a club and would just rather have her friends there (my attitude for mine). Or she may well say she wants to do activities and go out it understands if people can't be there. It's worth sounding her out about her priorities I think, if you haven't already.

Original poster
PamplemousseRouge · 15/05/2017 10:51

Based on the costs I have in my
OP, does anyone have ideas on how I could keep costs down please?

One of the people who I'm organising it with has said that things like food and drink (which I factored in as part of my OP) don't matter as they are individual costs that need to be met by each person.

I don't agree with this, as for each meal we have (Friday dinner, 3 meals on Saturday and one meal on Sunday), guests will probably have to spend at least £5 (on breakfast) and probably at least around £7 to £10 on lunch and dinner.

Ahh, weddings and hen dos - who needs them?!

OP posts:
Original poster
PamplemousseRouge · 15/05/2017 10:53

McTufty thanks for your post :) you were one step ahead of me there, with your help on keeping the costs down! The bride has said that she'd like a 'cheap and cheerful' hen do, which is great :) I'm not really sure what that means in reality though. There are 11 guests altogether.

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 15/05/2017 10:53

Reduce the activities.
Cook at the cottage one night.
Breakfast at the cottage each morning
Is clubbing something the bride will want to do?

HarrietKettleWasHere · 15/05/2017 10:54

I would plan for one night- two nights is a hell of a lot of weekend. I wouldn't relish the thought of getting on a train somewhere to do a big group activity straight after work on a Friday to be honest! I'm due to go to on a hen do this weekend and it was getting a bit ridiculous- I've done a few things to make it cheaper for myself. I'm getting the megabus instead of the train (saving £50) and staying in a slightly less salubrious hotel (saving £50) skipping 'bottomless brunch' (also don't want to be trollied by 1pm Grin) and the crazy golf, and turning up for the 'main event' meal and club after. She's a lovely friend but her wedding is only three weeks after the hen, so a lot of money to fork out in a short time as the wedding is an expensive train ride away and we need to stay for two nights. at the rate it's going I'm not getting my own holiday this year Sad

Am just doing my hen in a pub or something, I'm not great in a group at the best of times and would hate to make a whole expensive weekend of planned enjoyment out of the fact that I'm getting married.

welovepancakes · 15/05/2017 10:56

If the bride has said she wants "cheap & cheerful" then I think you should respect that. Lots of scope to reduce costs. Eat in the cottage. Optional activities. Do your own nails instead of going to a spa. Driving to the house may be cheaper than travelling by train. Forget clubbing

ExPresidents · 15/05/2017 10:58

I think for a UK weekend, everything included, £250 is not bad at all. I would stress in your email to hens that EVERYTHING is included in that, because even though you did say that in your OP you can see lots of people here saying 'drinks on top? That's an extra £xxx' which is obviously not the case. If I knew I wouldn't be spending anything else on the weekend I'd be happy with that amount and to pay it all upfront.

£280 sounds a lot more (even though it's not really) just because you're closer to £300. Agree with others that two activities is plenty and you don't need to fill all the time, it's nice just to chill out and chat with a cup of tea/glass of prosecco!

I wouldn't go abroad unless for a really really good friend or relative as I know from experience that's closer to £500 minimum.

Kittencatkins123 · 15/05/2017 10:59

A friend of mine got married last year and all the activities were opt in. Agree with doing free things - personalised games etc. One night you could watch her favourite movie and dress up, use home made props, play [insert name of movie] bingo...

MommaGee · 15/05/2017 11:04

We did a weekend cottage hen do.

People put into a kitty for food so had Friday evening meal, booty breakfast and Sunday lunch at home. We ate out somewhere nice for lunch and dinner Saturday, optional activities (kayaking or coffee) in the day and somewhere to dance in the evening. Sunday we packed, recuperated and chilled

There's no need to buy breakfast out if you have a cottage. Do take out Friday if you really don't want to cook.

What activities have you planned and how are you including food costs? Set menu or averaged costs?

Underthemoonlight · 15/05/2017 11:04

I think it's far too much especially when you factor in food drinks outfits etc.

We went to Edinburgh for my hen do travel was 25pounds here and back on a mini bus, hotel rooms were 60 pounds so 30 each on the basis of two sharing. The activitiy was 25pounds then money for people's drinks.

Original poster
PamplemousseRouge · 15/05/2017 11:04

Ex that's a good point about making sure that the guests know what the total budget will be. As you say though, things like drinks might be a problem - people will buy extra drinks, which will add to the cost. Of course, this is their choice, but then they might resent paying the apparent 'total' cost of £250 on top of however many more they've spent on drinks.

Argh. Sorry. I'm tying myself up in knots here a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
PamplemousseRouge · 15/05/2017 11:05

*however much more

OP posts:
Original poster
PamplemousseRouge · 15/05/2017 11:07

Momma a food kitty's a great idea - thanks :) we've planned a dance lesson and cocktail making as the two potential activities on the Saturday.

OP posts:
Enidblyton1 · 15/05/2017 11:10

It totally depends on your guests. £250 all in for 2 nights in a cottage, food and 2 activities isn't too bad. However, I would only want to pay for maximum 1 hen weekend per year at this level. The past few years I've averaged 3 or 4 hen dos so I'm very grateful that my friends have opted for one day/evening events with an average cost of about £100.

You can do it cheaper. One of my favourite hen weekends was a 2 night stay in a country cottage. We cooked at the cottage both nights and did a picnic lunch on the Saturday. Each hen contributed elements of the food/cooking. During the day on the Saturday the bridesmaids organised games on the lawn - egg and spoon races etc.
It's was brilliant fun (though we were lucky the sun was shining!) and the whole weekend cost about £150 each.

The most important thing is to check the bride is happy with what you are planning. What are the 3 activities? Sounds a bit overkill for a 'cheap and cheerful' weekend.

FreeSpiritJen · 15/05/2017 11:10

I would never go to a UK-based hen-do that cost more than fifty quid.

What the hell happened to just meeting at the pub? Confused

If I was spending £250-£350, I would be expecting 3 or 4 days in a foreign country.

MommaGee · 15/05/2017 11:12

Ah we did exactly that for my other friend. Def worked well on the same day. We literally got dressed from dance then walked through the city to the cocktail class, was just what we needed!! We just babywiped and sprayed and changed clothes eek! Then home for showers before night out (hotel that provided entertainment, 3 course dinner for set price)

We do lots of wekeend cottages and always get one driver to do a big shop and split the cost. Then we cook together and use that as fun bonding time. Its just good sometimes to sit together and eat and talk

FreeSpiritJen · 15/05/2017 11:12

And you can get 3 or 4 days in a foreign country for £250-£350! I recently came back from 3 nights/4 days in Europe, half board, ferry and coach travel, transfers, tolls, and everything included. Cost me less than £200!

Enidblyton1 · 15/05/2017 11:13

Oh yes, games like Mr and Mrs are fun and free. Also brilliant if you have a range of woman attending who don't know each other very well - good ice breakers!

HarrietKettleWasHere · 15/05/2017 11:15

All the 'games' stuff sounds dead cringe to me but I appreciate I may be in the monitory...if I haven't managed to dodge the Mr and Mrs 'ice breaker' style stuff by the time I arrive at my friend's hen on Saturday I'm going to need a lot of wine Blush

Original poster
PamplemousseRouge · 15/05/2017 11:16

Enid the two activities that we've been looking into are a dance lesson and cocktail making. Also the lawn games sounds great - I'm hoping it'll be sunny when we go (mid-June) :)

OP posts:
Hillarious · 15/05/2017 11:17

I'd go on the hen do organised by McTufty. If you're going away, and you have people from different walks of the bride's life, it's an opportunity to get to know each other and make the most of the cottage you've hired. Walking is a great way to talk to the people you want to talk to and avoid the people you don't want to talk to! I'd be happy to do the cooking for everyone - I think I'm a frustrated caterer, and by doing the cooking you get to eat the food you want to eat and usually manage to avoid the washing up!

You can do a boozy night out in the city you live in any time you want.

Original poster
PamplemousseRouge · 15/05/2017 11:17

Me too Harriet!! Blush I'm cringing at the idea of doing 'Never have I never' or 'embarrassing stories' or 'truth or dare'. Especially with alcohol thrown in. Just need to pace myself and hope I don't get as drunk as everyone else!

OP posts: