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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need perspective here, please help

36 replies

user1466690252 · 14/05/2017 06:32

BIL live in another country. I've met him twice. He put a photo on fb yesterday of one of those frames with lots of different photos in. He has taken a photo off my fb of my children, printed it off, and put in the frame, along with other children in the family, then taken a photo of the frame and put it on social media. I'm annoyed he hasn't asked me and pulled photos off my fb, then posted them on his. It would of taken him a short message to ask, I find it really strange, but I have serious issues with my IL and control/lack of boundries so I'm prepared to be wrong. DH thinks IBU because ita his brother.

OP posts:
WateryTart · 14/05/2017 06:36

I think you are being a bit U. It's a nice thing he's done to show they are his family as well.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 14/05/2017 06:37

I guess this is what happens when you put pictures on social media. Once it's on there you lose all control tbh. Sure it would have been the polite thing to do, but I think it's fairly reasonable to assume that it's OK to use pictures that are already on there.

picklemepopcorn · 14/05/2017 06:38

Seems normal to me. You put the pictures up for your friends and family, presumably. He's made a family collage.

LaLegue · 14/05/2017 06:39

If you were prepared to put those photos of your children on social media yourself then I don't really see what the issue is to be honest and although I understand the principle, I do think you are being a bit precious and daft about it.

FatGirlWithChocolate · 14/05/2017 06:39

I can understand if you have concerns with privacy etc..your children are precious, but in my experience it would have been worse to not have been included..so I would maybe let it go, and just focus on the positive that he sees your family in this way.

Gizlotsmum · 14/05/2017 06:40

You are being a bit unreasonable. You posted the picture on social media and he used it in a family photo frame which he then posted on the same social media and probably a lot smaller than the original. I probably wouldn't have asked or expected my family ( inc in laws) to ask. Do him and you husband stay in touch even if they don't meet up?

Oysterbabe · 14/05/2017 06:40

I agree with the others YABU, the pictures were already in the public domain.

Original poster
user1466690252 · 14/05/2017 06:40

my privacy settings are tight so only my friends see photos, obviously they are my fb friends. I would ask to be polite, I've met him twice so he doesn't feel like family to me but I agree the sentiments are nice. just odd not to have mentioned it to me before I see a photo of ny children pop up on social media from the other side of the world.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1466690252 · 14/05/2017 06:41

I owe DH an apology this morning I think. thank you

OP posts:
Theresnonamesleft · 14/05/2017 06:58

It doesn't matter if you have met him twice, he's your dh's brother.

This is the risk you take when you put pictures online. Anyone can copy them. You know he has because of what he has done, you don't know if your other friends have also copied them.

sofato5miles · 14/05/2017 07:06

YABU. He's being nice and creating a family bond. He is your DH's brother!

Gallavich · 14/05/2017 07:07

They are children in his family and he views them as such. He didn't steal the photos out of your family album in your house, you put them on social media. You're being precious and unfair.

Original poster
user1466690252 · 14/05/2017 07:09

I accept that I'm being unfair, I'll appologise to dh.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/05/2017 07:14

Presumably he didn't tag your children in them? As long as they aren't in school uniform/any identifiable features, I think him posting them is fine.

I'd say YABU. I know my DP's aunt saves pictures of DD to show to DP's Grandmother. I know MIL saves pictures to show her friends. I think it's nice.

Creampastry · 14/05/2017 07:15

If you don't want people to use photos, don't post them!!

luckylucky24 · 14/05/2017 07:16

YABU. My sister sometimes posts pictures of my son. I would be surprised if DH kicked up a fuss about this.

Original poster
user1466690252 · 14/05/2017 07:19

No he didn't tag me. it's interesting that someone mentioned about photo albums in a home. I almost see them like that, They are in my album on my wall with my private setting so only to people I "show" we don't have photo albums anymore so I see these as the modern day equivalent. but I accept its just me that thinks this way after this thread. It's not even the taking of the photo I mind, it's the not giving me a "hey I'm making a photo collage can I have a photo of the kids" I feel annoyed by. But again, Im clearly in the wrong so will let it go

OP posts:
Original poster
user1466690252 · 14/05/2017 07:21

but your sister is with you son taking the pics? this was a picture that wasn't his that he screen grabbed and printed off. I wouls of asked thats all.

OP posts:
chopsticky · 14/05/2017 07:22

Meh I couldn't get worked up about this.

Original poster
user1466690252 · 14/05/2017 07:24

I've realised that. We have so many issues with my inlaws that sometimes mu judgment is screwed. this is clearly one of those times. thank you everyone

OP posts:
loaferloveforyou · 14/05/2017 07:26

My SIL did this (although i see her regularly) I found it odd mainly because she used pics taken at parties and events when she wasn't there and she has taken plenty of her own photos which she could have used.

I can't get worked up over it. It's much better than the alternative which is a family collage without me in it

GeekyWombat · 14/05/2017 07:28

This is probably the first thread I've read in AIBU for ages which has gone:
OP: AIBU?
Everyone else: Yes, we think so.
OP: Thanks, I needed some perspective. Fair enough.

Good luck with the apology OP!

DevilsDumplings · 14/05/2017 07:30

He is family OP. You say he doesn't feel like family. Clearly he doesn't share your distain. Plus if the photo was accessible via social media you lose control over it.

I think what he has done was in good spirit and inclusive.

Ya bu.

Inertia · 14/05/2017 07:34

I wouldn't be happy tbh, but then I don't post picture of my children on social media.

Original poster
user1466690252 · 14/05/2017 07:36

I don't treat him with distain, I like him, It's just difficult to have a family bond with someone who you know very little about. he's more an acquaintance kind of relationship, But he's nice! I've just spent 2 days with him in my whole life and dh and him don't talk alot so its difficult to form much of a bond. I do like him though.

apology has been accepted and I'm cooking breakfast. all is right in the world. sometimes life just need a referee! thanks everyone.

OP posts:
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