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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long does it take to meet someone and have a baby?

401 replies

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 14/05/2017 00:40

This is going to seem like a ridiculous question, which I acknowledge, bit hope you forgive me because we cannot be rational all the time. I am worrying a lot that, at 33, I am no closer to having a child than I was at 23. And I am just getting older. I am single and do not have anyone in the pipeline who wants children one day. Please share your stories of time between met - engaged - married - baby (or met - baby) to help me work out what my cut off needs to be for giving up going it alone.

OP posts:
JuicyStrawberry · 15/05/2017 19:14

Met late 2009, pregnant in mid 2010, moved in together late 2010, had first baby in early 2011.
Yeah, with us it did happen very quick! Not married though and I don't want to be.

Hercule · 15/05/2017 19:15

Met DH at 27, first child born almost exactly 2 years later! ( planned pregnancy by the way, not an accident although lots of people assumed it was).

perstacho · 15/05/2017 19:18

Met my husband in the summer.
Rang him in about October and started going out. Got married in January. Had son 14 months later or so.
Divorced 10 years down the line. But realistically should have been a lot sooner.

Oly5 · 15/05/2017 19:18

Pregnant 12 months after meeting! All planned. We were 34 and 37

Oly5 · 15/05/2017 19:19

Ps are you actively dating online etc? Just keep going

DaisyFlower161 · 15/05/2017 19:27

Had my first child at 41, second two years later. I wouldn't stress it too much because it is counterproductive, and you have time. I would just say not to waste any time on time wasters.

Mumtomadhouse · 15/05/2017 19:28

Met just before I turned 18 had first baby at 19 moved in when we were 21, still together 15 years later with 3 more children .

FrizzyMcFrizzface · 15/05/2017 19:29

From when we started 'going out' - baby took 23 months. Married 14 months after that. Still together more than 10 years on, have second DC too.

I'm sure everyone thought it was quick but due to age we needed to get on with it, we were totally ready and wanted it. Good luck!

Lovelymess · 15/05/2017 19:29

Within a year we were expecting Smile

Daisies123 · 15/05/2017 19:31

I remember feeling the same - all my friends were married and having children and I was single with no one on the horizon! I fell in love with a work colleague so...
Met (28)
Married (30)
Baby (36)

The baby was meant to be at 32 but took a while longer!

SayHelloDoris · 15/05/2017 19:32

Met August 2016.

Unplanned Pregnancy November 2016 - Miscarriage

Pregnant again, February 2017

Getting Married July 2017

Baby due November 2017

Are we happy? Couldn't be happier. I have to punch myself to see if he's real sometimes. A fabulous man. I have a lot of fertility issues so I was over the moon when he suggested trying again after losing the unplanned baby.

Scandelicious · 15/05/2017 19:32

Met aged 26. Married 28. 1st baby at 29
All depends on the relationship

MrsCharlieD · 15/05/2017 19:32

I met dh at 23, we were married at 26 but then struggled to conceive. Ds finally came along when I was 30, nearly 31. Currently 18weeks with dc2 and I'm now 33, will be 34 by the time he arrives. This one took 7 months to conceive. It's the 10 year anniversary of our first date this week. One of my best friends didn't meet her dh until she was 34 and they got married at 36. Don't give up hope!

SayHelloDoris · 15/05/2017 19:33

I meant pinch, not punch Blush

He isn't that amazing that I need to use such extreme forces Grin

maggiethemagpie · 15/05/2017 19:36

Met - January
Pregnant - June
Had baby - the next February.

I had a friend who did similar. And another who got pregnant after knowing her partner 3 months. It needn't take long!

biginjapan · 15/05/2017 19:36

Met dh at 23 (him 35).
Dc1 at 27
Dc2 at 29
Dc3 at 33
Dc4 to be at 39

Superwomaninmysparetime · 15/05/2017 19:36

I was 25 when I met my hubby, engaged in 6months and married in 18months.. however I didn't want babies for a long time.. so didn't have my 1st DD until I was 32!! Then 2nd DD at 34 and finally 3rd DD at 36. My friend didn't have her baby until 40. I guess I trying to say is don't stress and get caught up in panic-there is time, my own mother kept telling me my eggs would be fried and I wouldn't be able to have a baby how long I had left it.. lol Grin

Jeezypeepers · 15/05/2017 19:39

I met my partner in May 2015 and was very open from the start that I was desperate to have a baby Grin. He was keen also so we tried for a few months, fell pregnant in November and now have a fabby wee 9 month old son and a great relationship. I'm 31 and he's 38 so we both knew what we wanted and went for it!

I may have done it the unconventional way, which suited me; some like to have lived together for a long time before trying but I wouldn't necessarily say that living with your partner even for say 5 years will mean you know for sure what kind of dad they'll be.

I think if you meet someone nice who wants the same from life as you then you're half way there and don't necessarily need to wait a long time before making a baby with them Smile.

Picoloangel · 15/05/2017 19:43

Met my DP at the age of 41 and within 6 months was pregnant (planned but unexpectedly quick!). I had 3 MMC and then DD at 45. All of my pregnancies were natural.
DP and I have been together 12 years now.
In an ideal world I would not have chosen to become a mother so late but that's just how it worked out for me. If I could give you any advice I would not waste time with time wasters! I would also choose someone kind - kindness becomes absolutely essential when parenting and I think I often saw kindness as weakness and even boring when I was younger. I know now that it isn't and it's the most important quality in parenting because you need someone who is going to care for you as well as your DC.

I also have a number of friends for whom marriage/committed relationship/children just haven't happened and it is more than possible to have a great and fulfilling life if it doesn't.
It can be horrendous but give internet dating etc a try. You wouldn't expect a job to land in your lap so see dating the same way. It's all good experience.

Good luck Flowers

trelawney59 · 15/05/2017 19:45

Donor sperm via a clinic and raising my child by myself. Not the way everyone wishes to become a mum but it's an option especially if you're under 35 and would consider egg donation to help fund your treatment.

canada24 · 15/05/2017 19:47

I was in the same situation as you for years, OP, then met a lovely man one July, married him in November, had first baby 18 months later, second two years after that. I was 38 when we got married. Still happily together after more than 20 years. Hope that helps you feel less panicked!

Juliammy · 15/05/2017 19:50

Met my DH in June 2010.
Moved in together in December 2010.
First child in October 2011 (not planned).
Second child in 2014 (planned).
Married in 2016.
Good luck! 😊 x

SnowinApril123 · 15/05/2017 19:54

I met DP at 36, had first baby at 42 and second at 43 :) I wasn't ready or even thinking about babies until I hit 40.

Jojofjo44 · 15/05/2017 19:55

I met my husband in August 2014, cohabited from May 2015, baby July 2016, married April 2017.
So less than 3 years. I'm also 45 and he's 34 so you'll never be too old if you are patient enough, I was single for 6 years before I met him.

SnowinApril123 · 15/05/2017 19:55

Friend of mine has met her DF and expecting baby within 3 months! Unplanned but they're both over the moon.