Aibu to say BF should be here when his ex wants his DC looked after

[SooSmith]

I'm in a new relationship that started just after Christmas. Boyfriend moved here in March.

I want him to keep in contact with his kids, but I aibu to say that if his children are here, then he should be here as well.

His ex works three evenings a week, my BF works nights some weeks. She wants us to have them when she is at work, which is fine when he is home. If he's also at work, then I've insisted she finds someone else. I've got two kids of my own to sort out.

I also have said that on his weekends when he has them, he is here with them and not playing football. Or they don't come.

Things came to a head on Monday when I had taken my kids out, and boyfriend sent me a text asking me to go home as her childcare had fallen through. I told him to leave work and go home himself. When I returned an hour later I found her waiting outside for me. When she started getting the kids out of the car with their stuff, I went in and shut the door, and said if she drove off without them I'd call SS.

AIBU to insist I am not an unpaid childcarer when his ex goes to work?

[blackteasplease]

yanbu about not wanting to be used as childcare. You shouldn't accept that.

But yabu to move in with him so soon. Total madness.

You can reverse this though. Move him out asap.

[elephantscansing]

5 month relationship, bf moved in after 3 months, and he wants you to be unpaid childcare for his dc.

What a charmer. Not.

I'd move him out and concentrate on your own dc and your own life. He and his ex sound like a right pair.

Why on earth is she keen on have you look after her dc? She doesn't know you. None of you come out well in this. None of you.

[MadMags]

Get out of this "relationship".

FFS.

And next time, wait more than the length of a piss to move a man in with your children.

[ZilphasHatpin]

You moved a man you've known less than 3 months into the house your children live in??

[pictish]

Bitoutof practice I'm with you. Why do so many people in a brand new relationship seek to shack up as quickly as possible with absolutely no regard for anyone in that household but themselves? Children are often forced to share their lives and homes with people they and their parent don't really know - certainly not well enough to consider living together.
So they're in love - they are also an adult and a parent and should behave like they have even the slightest notion of accountability ffs.

OP - yadnbu to not want to be your db's and his ex's unpaid childcare. You are absolutely right to say no. Yabvu to move someone in after a matter of weeks but see fit to shut the door on his kids. This is what rushing headlong into living together causes - resentment, misunderstandings, poor relations and the inkling that your new romance may not be all that after all. And with all those kids in the middle of your recklessness.

Your boyfriend wants you to take care of his kids for him. Why has he moved in? Is it love or is it a practical decision on his part? You don't know do you?

[Henrysmycat]

Sometimes I read one of those and I shake my head on the utter lack of self-awareness or genius trolling......

[NotAnotherUserName5]

They are both treating you like an unpaid mug! Yanbu

[HeyHoThereYouGo657]

Was going to say YANBU .... ..

UNTIL

You shut the door on those kids ? Now that is a bitchy thing to do in my book .

[corythatwas]

And if there was nothing else wrong with this situation, the fact that these kids have witnessed you slamming the door in their face should ensure that there is nowhere this relationship could go. How could they ever feel safe around you again?

Yes, your bf is wrong on all counts. But what sane person makes a scene like this in front of children and then expects to carry on living with their father?

[SestraClone]

My kids had not even met my (now) husband at 6 months into the relationship!

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

I live on my own now, and I wouldn't even move someone in this quickly!

[0nline]

It is highly unreasonable for a parent to choose to inflict highly unreasonable people on their children.

So if you think they are being utterly unreasonable (and I would agree) , ask yourself what that makes you. Given that your children are at the mercy of your choices, and you are choosing these people to be very present in their home and lives.

How many doorstep conflicts are you willing to risk your children be left exposed to before you pick your kids over a romantic notion that failed to live up to its perceived potential mere months into the relationship ?

More than zero is strong evidence of you prioritising your "love life" wants over your children's need for their parent to keep highly unreasonable people well away from them.

Get him out. Get him gone. He has shown you who he is. And he is just too unreasonable to be inflicted on anybody's children.

Next time, take your time. Your children deserve much better than you fast tracking Very Unreasonable people into their lives and home.

[harderandharder2breathe]

None of the adults here have behaved well. Poor kids.

YABU to move a man in with you and your children after you've known him five minutes

They are BU to expect you to provide childcare

YABU for being rude and shutting the door in the children's faces. Way to make them feel rejected.

Agree with all the PP that adults who move in with partners after such a short time are stupid. Adults who move partners in after such short time when there are children involved are beyond stupid and are unbelievably reckless about their children's safety and emotional wellbeing.

All the adults here need to grow the fuck up

[HomityBabbityPie]

Why on earth did you move in with him so quickly? 3 months after getting together, am I reading that right?!

DP and I moved in together after a year, and I thought that was quite quick really, and we didn't even have kids!

[ArcheryAnnie]

I want him to keep in contact with his kids, but I aibu to say that if his children are here, then he should be here as well.

If he's not there when his kids are there, then he's not keeping in contact with them. He's dumping them on you as free childcare while he does something more interesting.

YANBU to insist that his kids are not left in your care. Keep it up.

(I think you are MAD to have let this man move in so soon, but that's another issue.)

[SunsetGrigio]

Everyone in this situation is BU, especially you for moving in with a bloke you've only known since Christmas. My DF didn't even meet the kids until we'd been together 7 months. I'd suggest he moves out for a year (or two) so he can prioritise his own kids and their childcare along with his ex.

[smallchanceofrain]

Sometimes I read one of those and I shake my head on the utter lack of self-awareness or genius trolling......

^ This

I had known the current OH longer for more than 6 months before he even met DS1.

I feel for sorry for your children having some random man move into their home and sad for his children having you shutting the door in their faces.

[MrsAmaretto]

YANBU

You are daft to move a man in with your kids after a couple of months!!! Learn from your mistake and don't move the next man in as fast.

I think you need to end this relationship, or tell him to move out and take it slow.

[somedogsdo]

AIBU to let my son kick a ball around outside?

I live in a small house that doesn't really have any useable back garden. It's at the end of a little rural drive/lane. My front door opens directly on to the tarmac area that both I and my neighbours opposite park on. There are usually 3 but can be up to 6 cars out there. It's a private driveway.

My 10 yr old son likes to kick a ball around in front of my house between my house and the parked cars. I've said no to a proper football but have bought him a light weight ball instead which he throws/kicks about on his own.

The ball sometimes hits my house/windows but it's light so not a problem (so far!). But it also occasionally bounces off the parked cars. It doesn't do any damage but I can see that it might be annoying.

My mum looks after my son after school some days whilst I'm working and has said she doesn't want him kicking the ball out there when her car is there. I'm a bit annoyed as I want to encourage him to play outside and be as active as possible - instead of just screen time after school. But I guess I have to respect her wishes.

I've asked my neighbours whether it annoys them and they've said it's fine (they also invite him over to play football with their son in their garden - which is big).

But my mum says it's disrespectful to play with a ball near cars as it's not teaching respect for other people's property.

AIBU to let him play outside like this? We're not close to a park/field and I really want to encourage active/outside play. But I don't want to encourage disrespect. And what about when there are visitor's cars at weekends etc. Am I right to encourage this or is my mum right that I should put a stop to it?

[ems137]

YABU when you shut the door in his kids faces but YANBU about him needing to be the one looking after them.

I had to have a word with exH when mine were younger as he would say "I'll pick you up Sunday" and it would be his latest girlfriend not him. Once, my dad was babysitting whilst I worked, exH was supposed to collect kids at 5pm for contact and his new girlfriend knocked on the door instead. I had never met her and neither had my dad, he refused to let them go. It used to upset them a lot.

The situation is not fair on anyone and the children are clearly not being put first.

[kaytee87]

Seriously, this is a new relationship and sounds an absolute mess. I wouldn't leave my kids with someone I'd only known a few months. They both sound irresponsible at best. I'd cut my losses if I were you.

[kaytee87]

Reading back it seems bf lives with you? You're mad, you hardly know him.
So all 3 adults in this scenario are unreasonable and stupid

[emmyrose2000]

All the so-called adults in this are being unreasonable. Appalling really. I feel very sorry for all the kids involved.

Out of curiosity, are you in the house/with the kids every second that the bf is around, or do you leave your kids with him, even for five minutes here and there? If you do, then you're a hypocrite in expecting him to be there every second his kids are.

[somedogsdo]

Oops sorry posted that it wrong place!

[Gallavich]

You've got 2 kids and you moved your boyfriend in after 3 months? Jesus what a stupid thing to do