To ask your lowest point in parenting (so far)... Light hearted!

[Topas0117]

So this morning, I think I've hit my parenting low and thought 'this is my life'.

DD whose 9 months was being very clingy and breaking her heart on the bathroom floor.

So there I was, sat on the loo trying to poop with DD on my knee and Ben and Holly on my phone balancing on the radiator!

Anyone else?

Picked up a bit of dropped and put it in my mouth - and discovered it was poo

Walking to playschool with ds (2) and new baby dd. Ds had horrendous burning teething nappy rash. His bottom was already sore and raw. He did one of those horrible acidic poohs -started waddling and crying. We were exactly halfway between the house and the playschool down a guinell. I knew if I didn't change him there and then half his skin would have come off by the time we got there. So I changed him in the gravelly/ dirty guinell on the floor. He was screaming and crying and fighting and flipping over. Baby started crying. I started crying.
A lovely neighbour on her way to work appeared and took pity. She took the baby in the pram and walked her round while I finished up and then gave me a hug.

When I left DS1 in the living room while I quickly popped into the kitchen to get a drink. I returned, I found he was eating chocolate and was smearing it on the sofa and carpet! My thoughts: 'you cheeky little monkey, where did you get that chocolate from? .......... (5 seconds later). Holly crap, it's not chocolate!' He had put his hands in the back of his shorts and was tucking into what he had fished out! I don't think it gets lower than that! 😭

Trying to clip my daughters nails whilst she was asleep. She was only a couple of months old. She moved. I clipped off the end of her finger.

Went to a lovely poshe wedding with 4mo breastfed DD in tow. I was feeling good in a (borrowed) gorgeous white and floral dress. Sat having poshe dinner with other poshe attendees, DD has a massive, stinky bright orange shit all over my beautiful borrowed white dress.

The look of abject horror on my tablemate's faces was absolutely hilarious!

Thank God it washed out totally in the vair poshe sink of the poshe toilet using the poshe hand wash!

Had DD2 puke all over me when I was next to her in the car after a day out with DH and MIL last summer. Completely yuck! She still talks about it now lol.

DD1 as a 3 year old. We were in Tesco and she was virtually sitting in the trolley seat.

We were in the fresh fruit and vegetables section and without warning she projectile vomited all over the rack of loose select your own potatoes.

There are others too numerous to list.

When DS2 ate DS1s poo.

Cleaning up my DS dirty nappy when he was a tiny newborn, I was being particularly careful and looking very intently....I didn't realise how close I'd gotten to the business end until he sharted all over my face....a tiny bit went in my mouth 😳

DH has a good one. Terrible evening once with 3kids under 5, not well, lots of wailing. Knock at the door. DH opens it with 3 screaming preschoolers hanging off him, to see a bright young charity person, early 20s. Looked at DH with an air of extreme doubt at the chaos, put on his best smile and said "Er... Save the Children?" Without skipping a beat DH said "yes please you can save ours". The charity bloke ran away as fast as possible without looking back!

Mine is when I took all 3DCs on the train as a treat one school holidays. DD2 was only 3 at the time. I asked her before we got on if she needed a wee... No... Well you can guess what happened next. 2mins after we got on she started squirming and saying she needed a wee. Small suburban train, no toilets, and no toilets at any stops till the end of the line. I sat her on my lap and she weed all over me. I even sat forward so it wouldn't get on the seat. The poor teenage boy opposite I think was completely traumatised. Of course no spare clothes for me, despite my huge bag containing a ton of spare clothes for them (from bitter experience). So we stayed on the train and went straight back home when the train turned round. Had to walk 3wailing wet kids a km home covered in a huge wee patch.
Plus lots of vomiting incidents, which seems to be par for the course for this thread!!

I missed DD1 having a broken arm for about 5 days. I'm a HCP.

In my defence it was her none dominant arm and she never uttered a word about it.

Today when my son didn't get a "walk to school" sticker because I'm disabled and can't physically manage the distance. He's 6. He knows something is different but he doesn't understand the discrimination faced on a daily basis. And now it's affecting him too

Three younger shared a room when they were little, had a newborn too, older ones found a tin of lime green paint and managed to open it, poured it all the bedroom, dragged their duvets through it and then used the new clothes I'd bought them to try and mop it up! Dh came home to find me and newborn sobbing in a corner

Left oldest, now 29, outside a shop in his pram while I nipped in for a paper
I was halfway home before I remembered him 😯

Catching DS1's piss in my cupped hands and then putting it in the potty he refused to sit on. Ugh.

Me and DS (5 at the time) both puking up in the sick bucket at the same time with norovirus.

Me with gastroenteritis, puking and pooing and breastfeeding DS in between toilet runs, no help.

Doing school run pregnant with HG, being sick on the way in the park.

Memories

Just remembered the poonami! DS1 opened fire during a nappy change. I was covered head to toe in explosive runny Poo 💩💩💩

Not mine but DH. Changing 4yo DTDs after swimming.
Twin 1: 'Daddy, I like your penis'.
Twin 2 (agreeing): 'It's very big'.
Poor man now goes pale when they say they want to get changed with him.

Took dd1 into nursery one day, thinking she was over her d&v, but she had an explosive poo on the way there, and when I lifted her out of her car seat she scissor kicked and runny poo went over three walls of the nursery and over two of the baby cots. Bad day. Bad decision.

Out for walk in the woods and ds3 needs a poo, we go behind a tree but I can't leave it there can I, so I find a discarded coffee cup and scoop it up and ask dh to tell me when the coast is clear so I can leg it to the nearest dog bin. Nearly made it too, but ended up hurrying past a family trying to look nonchalant with what must have looked like some grotesque flake sticking out the top of my cup. My dh was killing himself laughing

I forced her mouth open to find her sucking on one of the dog's teeth

Worst thing I have ever read. I actually gasped, and I am not a gasper.

llamacorn frigging hilarious!!

Ohhhh! Another! Youngest juuuust latching on after being ill and dehydrated around 2 months old. So many bf problems but in this instance it was working!!! Relief! I was sat in a posh park on a picnic blanket. Eldest then 2 proceeds to pull pants down and start taking a shit on the manicured turf juuuust out of arms reach. That dilemma of whether to break the latch or suffer the embarrassment... Just gruesome. I think I attempted a lunge with baby swinging off my tit by the gums.

At Twycross Zoo, when DD1 was potty training (she was 2 years old). She was generally good at telling me when she needed the toilet by that stage and was in a pull-up. This time she pooed into her pull-up and it went everywhere! And it turned out I didn't have any wipes in the nappy bag. She was literally covered in poo!! I can't quite remember how it was resolved, I think my SIL let me use hers. But I've never forgotten it!!!

DH may be trying to set a new low...

(She has a perfectly good human bed I better add)