To ask your lowest point in parenting (so far)... Light hearted!

[Topas0117]

So this morning, I think I've hit my parenting low and thought 'this is my life'.

DD whose 9 months was being very clingy and breaking her heart on the bathroom floor.

So there I was, sat on the loo trying to poop with DD on my knee and Ben and Holly on my phone balancing on the radiator!

Anyone else?

Hm.

38 weeks pg with DC2, DH away on a course. Dreadful norovirus, I dont think I've ever felt so bad. DC1 (2 years old) simultaneously ill with it, vomiting and diarhoea'ing through the night , necessitating several changes of sheets and clothes. And all the while massively pregnant with large DC2, body falling apart, terrible heartburn, inability to sleep and exhaustion. Up all night and miserable toddler all day.

Shudder! On the plus side when DC2 finally arrived four weeks later (12 days overdue, arrgh!) the whole toddler and newborn thing was an absolute breeze!

Woke up to find them sitting in front of the TV, side by side, engrossed in Cheaters

When ds2 was tiny and we were sleep deprived, ds1 (2) would still happily wake at 6am and want to get up so we started putting a DVD on in our room for him...he would happily sit for an hour in bed with us and watch it so we got a bit longer.

Woke up one morning to find ds1 avidly watching a DVD which dh had put on for him in a semi awake state...and it was Family Guy, the uncut version, including fucks and cunts and all sorts He'd been sat watching it for over an hour quite happily.

When DC3 was tiny I took him and 2yo DD to soft play. DD came to the table for a drink, chugged it too quickly, started coughing and then coughed up the entire drink straight into my lap. I took them across the way to the supermarket to find some dry pants because I didn't want to get the bus home looking like I'd posted myself. I'd very recently had a caesarean and had a lot for swelling so needed something soft with a high waistband. All they had that fit the bill were these horrid, £4 a pair grey sweatpants that I'd never in a million years wear but needs must so I got them. In the queue to pay, DS1 did a poonami. One minute he was lying in the baby seat of the double pushchair all cute, the next he was yellow up to his armpits. The baby change was in the accessible toilet so in we went. I got DS changed first, changed DD who did a sympathy poo while I was sorting her brother out, and then started getting changed into the hideous sweatpants. My knickers were also soaked so I took them off. I'm there, bare arsed, DS howling because it was feeding time, trying to put these sweatpants on without letting my bare feet touch the manky toilet floor when DD decides to pull the red emergency assistance cord. Next thing there's a security guard knocking at the door asking if I'm okay while the baby howls, DD keeps yanking the cord, and I'm pleading "please don't open the door! We're fine! Don't open the door!" I pulled my horrible sweatpants up, despaired of getting anything else done that day and scuttled home.

Ds2 got his hand caught in the chain of ds1 bike who then turned the pedal so he had a couple of oil crusted blood pouring fingers I grabbed the germaline to numb it so I could clean it miraculously the swelling went down he stopped crying and the damage wasn't too bad then I looked at the cream it was pile cream in my defence it did the job 😂

Too many too remember!

Was changing DS 2 on the changing mat in the living room floor when the doorbell went, quickly ran to sign for a parcel. When I return DS had picked up the poo, smeared it into the cream carpet and the dog was eating it!

When DS1 (now 12) was 2 we were in the lift at Waterloo station when he suddenly announced that he needed a poo and couldn't wait. Luckily we were in the lift in our own and had the potty with us. DS did his business which turned out to be the most huge and stinking poo ever, exp and I were absolutely heaving, was truly revolting. I then had to carry the huge and stinking poo across the station through thousands of commuters shaking their heads at me and wretching at the smell. Was so embarrassed.

This list goes on...

To*

Going. A party a day late. Leaving complete with my two and gift. And then my son managed to get stuck between the two sloding doors of the liasure centre. I.e. One door slid over the other and he was between them!!!!!

Not my lowest but most recent. Bought my 2yo chips from the chippy to eat in the car yesterday for lunch.
2yo sat in the back happily eating them and then suddenly announces, 'mummy, I'm eating junk.'

Same child also had some nappy off time at about 10 months and I forgot and went into a different room. Came back and she'd eaten her own poo.

More recently, I had to take her for a poo in the corner of the playground behind a tree as she was about to poo in her pants. I then had to pick up to poo in a wipe and hide it inside a bush.

today at 5.30am my day started with a grunt followed by a poonami of epic proportions all over my bed. cheers son, think thats been a pretty low highlight!

I have had too many to choose from

When DS was a few weeks old he was wearing dungarees, I laid him down to change his nappy, pulled off a sock and something wet flew into my face as it pinged off. Thought nothing of it until I opened his dungarees and poo was EVERYWHERE. I had poo all over my face and in my hair. ExDP was at work and it took me far too long to realise that babies don't spontaneously combust if you put them down for a couple of minutes so I cleaned up my face with a baby wipe but spent the whole day with poo in my hair.

Another poo one - after months of shite sleep I woke up to find DS (then a toddler) was very proud of the fact he'd learnt to take his nappy off. He'd also smeared poo into the carpet. I set about cleaning it but left my (BRAND NEW) phone on the floor next to me playing music. DS came up behind me and quite cheerfully dropped said phone into the bowl of poo water!!! Ex FIL turned up unexpectedly to find me a blubbering mess in my pjs, the house smelling of poo and DS careening about quite happily!

Last one in the running was just after ExDP and I split up, DS woke up with a sick bug and vomited everywhere. He doesn't like mess so was in floods of tears and covered in sick. I had no idea whether to clean the bed and carpet or DS first and had to call my mum at stupid o clock at night to ask her what to do. Bless her heart, she turned up with bags of cleaning stuff, told me that if I sorted DS, she would clean the rest up. Which considering she hates sick as much as I do made her quite the hero that night.

DS is now almost 7 and I can laugh at all of these now thankfully

Dds best friend who lived next door came round with her 2 cousins in their best dresses after being out for lunch. They must of been about 5/6 They went out into the garden to see my daughter, I put the kettle on and made a cup of tea and then went to check on them, in that short time they had made massive mud pies and were all covered in mud, faces, hair, dresses, the lot 😳 Ive never forgotten the horror on my neighbours face when they went back home, it's hilarious now but I wanted the ground to swallow me up

Putting the jumperoo in front of the TV and curling up on the sofa.

The tummy bug of last Christmas when then DD managed to soak me in vomit through to my underwear. And when it turned into more of a diarrhoea bug, when we had to carry her, at arms length, into tesco to change her and she was absolutely covered in poo!

I took a bath with my DS when he was a baby, as I lifted him in from his basket, to the bath he shat all over me.

Nipped out into the back garden of our terrace London house (i.e. Only access though the house) and DS(22m) locked the French windows with DD (4 weeks) inside. So I was locked in back garden DH was working away. DS had a ball for 2 hours throwing my magazines on the floor whilst he jumped off the sofa and magazine surfed. DD screaming in her bouncer on the kitchen island. It was 7 am. Tried getting DS to turn the key back. "Twist" "twist". Had to shout over grumpy neighbours fence to get them to call police (mobile inside natch) who eventually turned up and kicked down front door and unlocked the French windows. DS so nonplussed. Not sure DD has ever forgiven me!

Deciding to check whether dd1's nappy was wet enough to have to change it, in the dark. It wasn't wet and I had her poo up my fingernails instead!

Seems a fairly unanimous common denominator of poo here. My worst so far has thankfully only involved wee. DD1's, all over my lap, on a packed train, at the start of a long journey... and for some sleep-deprived reason I didn't have anything at to clean her up with or to change her into. By the time we had arrived in Edinburgh we had both dried off, but the stains and the smell were unmistakeable.

Cleaning sick out of the grooves of our wooden floor boards with a cotton bud on my hands and knees.....

My DS was very colicky and windy as a new born so his poos would spray everywhere. He did a massive poonami so I set about changing him and he proceeds to do another poonami all over the sofa carpet and the changing mat. He is dripping in shit and the only thing I can think to do is hold him over the sink. My DB thankfully turned up just at the point I'd started to cry and helped me clean up.

I started to get ready for work and only had my bra and pants on. DS started really crying so I go over just in time for him to vomit all over me, it made a little river in my cleavage. DS is inconsolable so I just sit there covered in sick until he calms down.

I do remember a particularly bad poo related one but it's not my story. I was browsing in mothercare when all of a sudden a mun and dad both storm through the isles each carrying a twin at arms length both COVERED head to toe in shit. 20 minutes later they emerge with complete new outfits.

Waiting to collect my son from reception class, my toddler crouched down to examine my shopping bag. I bent over him to help him reach into the bag, he stood up unexpectedly and broke my nose with his head. The crunch was audible to other mums in the school corridor and there was a lot of blood. He was inconsolable and screamed constantly until my husband came to collect us to take me to hospital. It was quite an experience for us all!

Went to get DS out of cot (about 10 months), and he felt damp, then noticed something stick on his hands....he had diarrhea, and it had gone up out of the back of his nappy, filled his sleepsuit, and come out down the sleeves. He was perfectly happy tho, so I feel this story lacks the drama of most on here :-D.
I just remember thinking tho, as I sat DS in the bath while showering him off, that with this as the first 5 minutes, what sort of a day will it be!

Catching 18 month old DS drinking out of a puddle in the garden

Far, far too many.
Daughter aged 6 had severe diarrhoea in sleep but didn't wake. We smelled it when we went up to bed by which time she had squirmed around in it and was covered from head to toe. I was heavily pregnant with twins and husband was away doing masters block. Vomiting whilst hosing her down was not good. She was screaming hysterically and there was mess everywhere along the corridor all over floor. Everywhere. I had to,get mattress removed for incineration and burn all bedding as well.

At a conference dinner, on top table sitting next to,the PM, TB. Children in suite upstairs with eldest aged 8 having strict instructions re not opening door, a phone on direct dial and regular checks by hotel and us. It was pre MMcC. As main course was being served phonevstarted flashing and vibranting. Mr Blair said, get it, don't worry. I answered a hysterical child telling me her brother was screaming in the loo and had woken the others too because his poo was full of wriggly white things. How do you explain to the PM that your family are hysterical because one of them has just discovered threadworms? He was, in fairness very understanding but did mention it in his post dinner address. My poor husband was other side of table and hadn't a clue until the whole room was laughing about it.

Obviously in hindsight these are quite funny but of course there are the sad and worrying times too.

DS (at the time 1 months) on a cot top changer.... me changing nappy and he pooed on the mat while nappy was off. Wiped up, bent down to put nappy in bin right next to my feet and weed in an arch like fashion over the side of the changer and onto my hair.

At the time was sleep deprived, nightie soaked with boob milk leakage.

Ok, Crumbs1 wins this one hands down.

Littlecaf I have the advantage of six children. I'm sure we've all got horror stories that in fifteen years become brilliant additions to 21st birthday speeches.

Has anyone vomited out of a car window at speed? I did so taking second one to nursery with baby beside me and early pregnancy sickness. On a dual carriageway overcome with nausea the only way to cope was onto road.......only of course it goes out of window and straight back in. It sprayed the entire contents of my stomach over the inside of my lovely new espace. I was covered. The children were covered. The car was trashed. The headmistress of the prep school nursery looked truly horrified when she saw us rushing to the loos. We had to sell the car, sadly.