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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to go to this (non) wedding?

111 replies

clary · 10/05/2017 19:14

DH's nephew is getting wed. Very small do, they are all going away in the UK for a week Hmm anyway we are asked to the party to celebrate the event.

Just got the invite and it is in the middle of DD's GCSEs and the day after DS2's 28th birthday - and actually the day of his party. This party is a low key affair, three of his mates at cinema and McDonald's, but still may involve a sleepover, and even if noy, I want to be on hand. So does DH really.

I like his sister (grooms mum) but am not that fussed about the lads wedding - and in any case it's not his wedding. DH says we/he maybe should show out/his face. AIBU not to go? It's about 90 mins drive away.

OP posts:
TheChineseChicken · 10/05/2017 19:47

Why so scathing / nasty about your DH's nephew and his wedding?

expatinscotland · 10/05/2017 19:49

It's not a wedding.

Laska5772 · 10/05/2017 19:50

Im totally with you Clary.. an 18th birthday is a special time for both kids and their parents ..
.. Of course you want to be around.. we were for our DS.. and opened a very special bottle of wine that we had bought when he was born..

SouthernNorthernGirl · 10/05/2017 19:50

Grin OP, I agree that you are getting are hard time.
However, I think more info is needed here. Who arranged the birthday plans? Are you joining them, or are they just going?

I think YABU to not go because if it's because of leaving DC unattended. They are old enough.
YANBU if it's because you cant be bothered

CherryMintVanilla · 10/05/2017 19:50

Loads of people want to be around for their kids' 18th birthdays. And cinema and McDonalds for a teenagers birthday I'd say is... very very normal? Why are the 'weirded out' weirded out?

If you don't want to go OP, don't go. But I think your DH should go and represent your family.

Addley · 10/05/2017 19:51

Doing your GCSEs is stressful; it's nice if everything at home stays constant. I know when I was doing my GCSEs I'd have preferred my mum being... not there, as such, but available, to take phone calls, at the back of my mind as an option if I broke down and wanted picking up from school, to offer a cup of tea and a biscuit when I got in, to have around at the weekend while I unwound etc. Not that I would necessarily have had a right to all those things, but it's nice to know that there's that stability there during what is probably one of the most stressful parts of someone's life so far.

ALittleMop · 10/05/2017 19:52

If you don't want to go, don't go

Seems a bit mean-spirited to me but if you don't feel like celebrating with your family, fair-enough (how would you feel if they didn't come to your children's wedding celebrations, in time?)

But fgs whatever you do, don't tell them you are not going because your adult son is going to MacDonalds with his mates that night. Because that truly is the most insulting can't-be-arsed kind of excuse I have ever heard.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 10/05/2017 19:53

As long as your DD can get to school to take her exams I don't see why she needs you there. It might be quieter without you and your DH around tbh so she can revise or rest.

If you don't want to go to the party, its an adequate excuse, but if you want to go it shouldn't stop you.

Nancy91 · 10/05/2017 19:53

I get that you don't want to go. I also get that you want to wish your son a happy 18th as it's a special birthday. What I don't understand is why you feel that you need to be on hand. Don't cramp his style even further on what already sounds like a very tame 18th (I thought the typo was because you'd meant to write 8th birthday) Grin

Jux · 10/05/2017 19:57

I'd decline nicely and send a great gift.

expatinscotland · 10/05/2017 19:58

'Seems a bit mean-spirited to me but if you don't feel like celebrating with your family, '

She is, with her son on his 18th. Cannot believe people think it's no biggie to not even be there on such a special day for their child. Not all people want to go out and get totally slaughtered on big birthdays Hmm. Friend of mine just went to Amsterdam with her daughter for her 18th. It's how the young woman wanted to celebrate.

Boiing · 10/05/2017 19:58

Yanbu. I don't get why people think it's odd you want to on hand for your son's 18th. At that age me and most of my friends were just getting into heavy drinking with no understanding of our limits and did some very stupid stuff. And even if he hasn't got drunk much up to now, 18th birthday is the obvious time to start!

Jux · 10/05/2017 19:59

Oh, it's a very small party inc cinema - he'll have a better time with his parents away. If you were taking the group for a slap up meal at expensive restaurant though .....

TinklyLittleLaugh · 10/05/2017 20:00

Personally I would go if it was my nephew's wedding celebration. Perhaps it would be good for your DS to have a little space from you, he seems quite young for his age.

Somerville · 10/05/2017 20:01

It's the day after your sons 18th isn't it? Not his actual birthday?

Anyway, unless it is immediate family (which husband's nephew isn't) then it isn't rude to decline a wedding invitation. Send a nice gift and your apologies. Tell DH it's up to him or not.
It really doesn't need any angst.

TheChineseChicken · 10/05/2017 20:02

Expat "DH's nephew is getting wed. Very small do, they are all going away in the UK for a week Hmm" It was this description of the wedding I was referring to

expatinscotland · 10/05/2017 20:03

'he seems quite young for his age.'

Why, because he doesn't care to go out and drink too much? Gosh, another friend and her daughter went to Dublin and did the marathon there for the girl's 18th, she doesn't drink at all and that's what she wanted, she's going to uni away from home in August and spends plenty of time traveling all over the world raising money for charities.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/05/2017 20:03

I'd go for a few hours and leave early. It's the day after his birthday. Aren't you celebrating it on the day with him?

yaela123 · 10/05/2017 20:04

I'm probably being stupid but is it a wedding or not?

TheEmmaDilemma · 10/05/2017 20:04

But she can be there can't she? She just won't be there for the Party, the DAY AFTER the Birthday?

Hang on, we need a diagram of the timeline here? Or something?

blueskyinmarch · 10/05/2017 20:05

To be fair to OP actually my DDs didn't go to the pub either. DD1 had a Harry Potter themed party at home and we bailed out for the night. DD2 turned 18 on a random dull Tuesday in December so I took her out to lunch and her two best friends managed to break loose from school to join us and drink some fizz to celebrate.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 10/05/2017 20:05

Nothing to do with drinking Expat. But cinema and McDonalds are my 10 year olds idea of a mildly diverting good time.

TheEmmaDilemma · 10/05/2017 20:06

Expact, drinking etc out of it, she would be there the day of the birthday if I understand correctly?

Why would she need to supervise a sensible 18 year old going to McDonalds?

TheEmmaDilemma · 10/05/2017 20:06

@Expat Sorry!

ALittleMop · 10/05/2017 20:08

expat It's the day after his birthday, and he's going out with his mates. Doesn't seem to involve much celebration on her part. If he wants her to be there of course - maybe if he's worried about his friends' behaviour - that's a bit different. But she hasn't said that.

No-one should feel obligated to go to people's parties if they don't want to. Nothing worse than a reluctant guest killing the mood.