To be angry with BIL and DH over porn history on my computer?

[judytrain]

My BIL came to stay for a week. My DH works from home (computers).

My BIL was using my computer. Fine. It's free for any visitors to use. I was at work anyway.

When I came home, I checked history for something I'd been on earlier. Porn sites came up in the history . I think BIL could at least have cleared the sites if he had to watch that on my computer.

I mentioned it to DH after BIL had gone back home at end of visit. He just shrugged it off.

DH has been a heavy user of porn himself which I am kind of disappointed with and I know he just hides it better now.

I feel this is soo disrespectful. BIL knows it was my computer and would be using it later. I've got lots of girly pink things on the desk and monitor, etc.

I guess I'd really like DH to have said something to BIL, but he won't. He's very anti-confrontational. So am I for that matter. So nothing will be said. Just another way for me to feel pissed off. Whenever his family visit someone seems to invade my space/abuse my boundaries/piss me off. MIL does it all the time!

Just clear the history and get on with life. He hasn't made you watch the porn.

Yeah, I guess that's all I can do barry

If the computer is fine (no virus etc) then there's not much you can do. You can't go back in time and stop him so try not to let it eat you up.

I would not let him anywhere near it in future though. I mean he's free to watch what he wants but I would be worried about what he does with the mess.

I'd be pissed off too, the scuzzball. I would definitely say something. Probably in front of his mum to embarass him. 😁

Do you think you might be projecting your issues with your DHs porn use?

It just feels really creepy. Maybe the two of them had a whale of a time while I was slaving away. No wonder DH earns next to nothing in his work. If someone had done that to his home computer he wouldn't have been pleased I bet as he has young kids.

I agree with Barry. It is gross though. Using your laptop when we all have a pretty good idea of where his hands have been 😷

I'm wondering why you just accept it? Can you not message him to say you did not appreciate finding that?

I know I would!

Outrageous behaviour. I would email him, cc his mother and his wife saying what he has done and under no circumstances is he welcome in your house again. And I would also speak to your dh about his porn use and give him a deadline for stopping.

I have a zero tolerance for people getting off on watching abused women. As you can see.

It's kind of like the FIL shit in the loo the other day - if you are visiting someone, clean up your filth before you go!

Urgh, BIL wanking at your desk... Grim.

If that was a work computer, it could be a sackable offence. I'd be pissed off too.

IAmTheWorwax you likely have a point there. One of the things that has angered me a lot about DH and his porn use (I was okay about the thought of it a bit) is the hours he was devoting to it. He works for himself and has as good as bankrupted us with his business that seems to make no money. I resent the time he arses about on the computer as much as anything else.

Do you have a history of letting people walk all over you ?

Abused women ? What you on Bertrand Russell ?

They AGREE to do it, they are paid to do it . Jesus .

I would send a text to him saying that he is not to use your computer again.

You need to start setting boundaries then.

I was going to say that you shouldn't let anyone else use your computer again, but actually Bertrand's idea might have more impact.

Boy are you controlling too .

Abused women ? What you on Bertrand Russell ? They AGREE to do it, they are paid to do it

Err not all of them.

Your DH and your BIL both use porn, and therefore both see women as objects. You can complain all you like, but by extension they see YOU as an object too. You'll be flapping your mouth in vain, I'm afraid.

"Abused women ? What you on Bertrand Russell ?

They AGREE to do it, they are paid to do it . Jesus"

Yep. And prostitutes do it because they love sex and are working their way through college.

Come on, OP, what are you doing with your husband? I know people on here don't like generalisations but really, a man who sits at home wanking instead of working is bloody useless. A man who wanks all day and makes you bankrupt into the bargain is a man you shouldn't be living with. Get your big girl's knickers on and tell him to fuck off and take his wanker brother with him.

Heyho, not everyone is cool with watching filmed sexual abuse to get an orgasm.

If you are, crack on with it.

Put it in perspective. What would your boss say if you watched porn and wanked all day? How long would you keep that job for?

I'm wondering why you just accept it?

Me too. I've been putting up with crap all my life, including family or origin. My boundaries are weak and are always being trampled on.

Can you not message him to say you did not appreciate finding that

Was so tempted, but I am a coward. Also, ILs are stiff-upper lip, never talk about anything types. If I forced a confrontation, I don't know what would happen. They all seem so proper and suburban on the outside, iyswim. I wouldn't want to hurt BIL's wife either if it all came out. DH doesn't want a confrontation either so would be causing a lot of trouble.

I'll probably let it go. That's my MO. So sick of people taking the piss though. I feel that one day I will blow like a volcano though!