To be angry with BIL and DH over porn history on my computer?

[judytrain]

My BIL came to stay for a week. My DH works from home (computers).

My BIL was using my computer. Fine. It's free for any visitors to use. I was at work anyway.

When I came home, I checked history for something I'd been on earlier. Porn sites came up in the history . I think BIL could at least have cleared the sites if he had to watch that on my computer.

I mentioned it to DH after BIL had gone back home at end of visit. He just shrugged it off.

DH has been a heavy user of porn himself which I am kind of disappointed with and I know he just hides it better now.

I feel this is soo disrespectful. BIL knows it was my computer and would be using it later. I've got lots of girly pink things on the desk and monitor, etc.

I guess I'd really like DH to have said something to BIL, but he won't. He's very anti-confrontational. So am I for that matter. So nothing will be said. Just another way for me to feel pissed off. Whenever his family visit someone seems to invade my space/abuse my boundaries/piss me off. MIL does it all the time!

Talk to me about how you source your ethical porn. And please don't use words like "horrified". It's a short step from that to prude or pearl clutching.

DH was on his own for 20 years or so before he met me. He was married very briefly in his early 20s then alone after that. Wife ran off with best friend. I often feel DH is not used to thinking/sharing with someone else. BIL probably is so used to seeing DH without a partner or wife, it's almost like I don't count. I don't know if I'm explaining that well or even making sense to myself. I feel I'm fitting in with DH's life whilst my life has changed beyond recognition.

The instant gratification of porn makes it addictive, you lose your ability to imagine. It will kill your sex life and, eventually, your relationship

Funny you should say that. Our sex life tailed off very quickly into relationship. I'm turned down for sex more than I expected to be, considering how much DH chased me to get me. I suspect he's all wanked-out by the time I get home!

Take it you have no DC?

What's stopping you from leaving the bastard?

No DC. I was always unsure if I wanted any, but the way things are at the moment, I wouldn't even contemplate it. I think I need to have a serious thought about my life TBH. Seeing it all written down here, it's not looking good, is it?

Seriously is this 2005? Has he not heard of ipads or laptops? Wanking in front of the family computer is just scuzzy.

I'd be getting him to buy you a new computer. Those sites have very bad viruses and malware, some just about impossible to remove (basically you have to be comfortable with editing your system registry).

You could handle it differently and openly take the piss out his porn habit. Then clean your keyboard and set a password.

Next time he's there remind him openly and jokely that he's not using your laptop to look at porn! Smile, walk away, move on.