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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with BIL and DH over porn history on my computer?

83 replies

judytrain · 09/05/2017 17:40

My BIL came to stay for a week. My DH works from home (computers).

My BIL was using my computer. Fine. It's free for any visitors to use. I was at work anyway.

When I came home, I checked history for something I'd been on earlier. Porn sites came up in the history Shock. I think BIL could at least have cleared the sites if he had to watch that on my computer.

I mentioned it to DH after BIL had gone back home at end of visit. He just shrugged it off.

DH has been a heavy user of porn himself which I am kind of disappointed with and I know he just hides it better now.

I feel this is soo disrespectful. BIL knows it was my computer and would be using it later. I've got lots of girly pink things on the desk and monitor, etc.

I guess I'd really like DH to have said something to BIL, but he won't. He's very anti-confrontational. So am I for that matter. So nothing will be said. Just another way for me to feel pissed off. Whenever his family visit someone seems to invade my space/abuse my boundaries/piss me off. MIL does it all the time!

OP posts:
Ecclesiastes · 09/05/2017 17:51

They AGREE to do it, they are paid to do it

Jesus. Educate yourself.

Original poster
judytrain · 09/05/2017 17:52

Do you have a history of letting people walk all over you

Yes x 1000, I'm afraid. I know I need to assert myself.

OP posts:
IAmTheWorwax · 09/05/2017 17:53

Ignore the troll.

I'd be pissed off about that too OP. What a joke. Has that situation been sorted out now or is it ongoing?

AnyFucker · 09/05/2017 17:53

Well judy, if you carry on doing what you are doing you will keep getting what you are getting

VerySadInside · 09/05/2017 17:53

That's yucky. He's wanking at your desk. Penis fingers all over the keyboard and mouse. Very disrespectful. I would feel a very uncomfortable but I am quite protective about my spaces and belongings.

toffeeboffin · 09/05/2017 17:54

So he's been having a wank at your desk? Confused

The dirty sod.

Original poster
judytrain · 09/05/2017 17:54

Angrier with BIL than DH, TBH. He was a guest in our home!

OP posts:
Original poster
judytrain · 09/05/2017 17:55

Nothing has happened. I doubt I'll pursue it. Just don't have what it takes. Just furious, that's all.

OP posts:
Ecclesiastes · 09/05/2017 17:57

I doubt I'll pursue it. Just don't have what it takes

I bet you do. I bet you'll surprise yourself one day soon. Flowers

Original poster
judytrain · 09/05/2017 17:57

I don't know if he was wanking or not. No actual evidence of that - yucky thought though. Maybe he went off to bathroom. Or would he have wanked in front of DH? Or did they have a wank-off? What do weird middle-aged men DO when they are watching porn and their wives are out working?! Angry

OP posts:
TheExuberant1 · 09/05/2017 17:58

I would find it odd but I wouldn't dwell on it or make an issue out of it. Life goes on.

LunchBoxPolice · 09/05/2017 17:59

Op I want to give you a shake! He is gross and deserves a bit of bloody awkwardness next time you see him. Send a text or email. Go on. Make this the day you find your backbone.

Original poster
judytrain · 09/05/2017 18:00

It's on the back of MIL being PA and snide behind DH's back every chance she gets too. I am starting to dread visits from any of them TBH. BIL's kids and wife are lovely though, when they come up.

OP posts:
IAmTheWorwax · 09/05/2017 18:00

You could always send a message to BIL but be straight to the point "I don't like you using my computer for porn, don't do it again"

No anger, just facts. Who cares if it upsets the inlaws? I doubt he'd tell them anyway!

GeekyWombat · 09/05/2017 18:01

When I was at uni my flat mate used to use my PC to watch porn while I was out. He left used tissues on my desk and got it infected with malware twice and then, when I put an admin password lock on it, locked us both out of it trying to circumvent it the week before I handed in my dissertation.

I feel for you.

Giddyaunt18 · 09/05/2017 18:01

Abused women ? What you on Bertrand Russell ?

Really? You think it's a life choice?

Original poster
judytrain · 09/05/2017 18:01

Good point, IAm he's not likely to tell them, is he? I never thought of that in my panic.

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 09/05/2017 18:02

I would make a comment when his dw is about. . . You feel shit you found it why shouldnt he be called out on it?

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 09/05/2017 18:03

I suspect he will have been wanking whilst watching it. So if I were you I'd be getting the antibac wipes out and giving the keyboard and mouse a going over.

I would then send a message to your BIL, keeping it nice and straightforward:

Dear BIL,
I'm very disappointed to find that you have used my computer to view porn. Please do not do this again as I find it extremely disrespectful.
Judy

Then I would set up a guest account on your computer and password lock your own account. You can set parental controls on the guest account, so even if BIL decides to try again he won't be able to access adult sites.

IAmTheWorwax · 09/05/2017 18:03

Of course he won't! And it will make you feel better to stand up for yourself.

ImperialBlether · 09/05/2017 18:03

Sometimes you have to dig deep to be the person you want to be. You know you have a tendency to allow people to walk over you. This one small step - where you are SO clearly in the right - will really help you.

Send your BIL a text: I don't appreciate you watching porn on my computer. I am changing the password and you won't be able to use it again.

Then change the password and don't tell anyone.

Original poster
judytrain · 09/05/2017 18:03

I have gone without a lot to help support DH set up his own business. We have nothing to fall back on, he has no business plan. It makes me angry that this is how he spends his time when I'm out doing a job I hate to support us. BIL is just the last straw.

OP posts:
PeaFaceMcgee · 09/05/2017 18:04

Definitely send that text.

GloGirl · 09/05/2017 18:05

Filthy bastard.

I'd write something like

"Dear BIL,

Normally when I have a house guest or do someone a favour the gifts they leave behind might be wine or flowers.

I really did not appreciate the gift of discovering that you have been watching 'busty milfs' at p0rnsite:com whilst sat at my desk.

If you want to use the Internet for filth learn to do it discretely you pervert. Note that next visit I'll have a separate profile for you to use with restricted access."

And I would graphically detail every site he had been to and video he had watched! !

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