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Original poster

To be angry with BIL and DH over porn history on my computer?

83 replies

judytrain · 09/05/2017 17:40

My BIL came to stay for a week. My DH works from home (computers).

My BIL was using my computer. Fine. It's free for any visitors to use. I was at work anyway.

When I came home, I checked history for something I'd been on earlier. Porn sites came up in the history Shock. I think BIL could at least have cleared the sites if he had to watch that on my computer.

I mentioned it to DH after BIL had gone back home at end of visit. He just shrugged it off.

DH has been a heavy user of porn himself which I am kind of disappointed with and I know he just hides it better now.

I feel this is soo disrespectful. BIL knows it was my computer and would be using it later. I've got lots of girly pink things on the desk and monitor, etc.

I guess I'd really like DH to have said something to BIL, but he won't. He's very anti-confrontational. So am I for that matter. So nothing will be said. Just another way for me to feel pissed off. Whenever his family visit someone seems to invade my space/abuse my boundaries/piss me off. MIL does it all the time!

OP posts:
Lisa9819 · 09/05/2017 18:05

Just the thought of your bil 'going' everywhere at your desk is just nasty... I'd be pissed, but kind of late to confront. I'd never let him use my computer/office again though if I were you. FFS if he needs to relieve himself while staying with guest could he not just use the shower!?! He really did make himself at home..... Shock

TupperwareTat · 09/05/2017 18:06

Has DH blamed his brother? Maybe it was DH all along?

happypoobum · 09/05/2017 18:07

I think your DH problem is more pressing tbh. Although yes, I would probably mention it in front of his DW.

Why are you allowing DH to sit at home wanking all day, pretending to work at what appears to be a costly hobby?

Why can he not work?

ImperialBlether · 09/05/2017 18:08

Why do you put up with this, OP? Not just the porn, but your husband dragging you into bankruptcy. Why do you? You work hard. Why should you be bankrupt because of him?

What stops you telling him to get out and having a lovely life without him?

TupperwareTat · 09/05/2017 18:09

Maybe BIL asked to innocently use DHs computer to look on Amazon or something Shock

Meanwhile your DH was gutted as he couldnt use his own computer for a porn fest, so he used yours?

madmare77 · 09/05/2017 18:10

I'd send him an email requesting that next time he comes to stay either bring his own computer with him or refrain from using your laptop for anything undesirable.
He should get the message realise he's been a dirty bastard

AceRag · 09/05/2017 18:12

It's pretty gross to watch porn on somebody else's computer, let alone not wipe the history of it. I watch porn but I would NEVER do that. Guy should be embarrassed.

OP I would just not let him use your computer ever again. Not much you can do now and I wouldn't get too worked up over it, but if he ever asks again I'd just say "no because last time you were gross and used it to watch porn". End of.

wrenika · 09/05/2017 18:15

I'd just delete the browsing history and get on with life. (Maybe have a wee nosey to see if he's got good taste content wise!) And give the computer a wipe down.

I'd password protect it in future and not let him use it, but not because of any aversion to the use of porn...purely cause the idea of wank fingers on my keyboard is gross. Porn's not some terrible thing...I just wouldn't access it on someone else's computer!

Roomster101 · 09/05/2017 18:17

I would be seriously pissed off if someone watched porn on my computer. If he wants to watch porn he should do it on his own computer, not other peoples. I would never let him use it again.

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2017 18:18

"Porn's not some terrible thing..."

Why do you think that?

PeaFaceMcgee · 09/05/2017 18:18

Do you know for sure it was BIL and not your DH?

acatcalledjohn · 09/05/2017 18:20

Don't let him use it again. Who's to say that the porn he watches is always of the legal kind (even if by accident)? If it turns out to be illegal porn then it would be on your computer and the onus would be on you to prove it wasn't you.

SandyY2K · 09/05/2017 18:23

That's quite disrespectful really. I don't actually have an issue with porn perse, but in someone else's house on their computer... Not classy at all.

Is it a laptop? If so keep it away so nobody else can use it... Or get a password for it.

Better still, next time he comes get a screen saver that says "No porn sites to be used on 'Judy's computer"

That would shame him.

SandyY2K · 09/05/2017 18:29

You could also text "Hi, those sites you visited on my PC often contain viruses, so I'd really appreciate if you didn't next time. Thanks "

If you have kids, you could add that you don't wish to expose the kids to it and they also use the PC sometimes.

Even though your DH shrugged it off, he'll probably have a word with BIL.

Another idea springs to mind.

BrownEyedLady · 09/05/2017 18:41

I'd password lock my computer and put the password reminder as "Don't watch porn on my computer BIL". (I would also put that in a text to him too - it's outrageous enough to do that and it won't cause confrontation as he should be too mortified you caught him.)

Original poster
judytrain · 09/05/2017 18:44

Brilliant, BrownEyedLady!!

OP posts:
Whatsername17 · 09/05/2017 18:49

If your dh is watching a lot of porn he may have an addiction. Porn desensitises the emotional life of the addict. Real sex becomes boring in comparison. The instant gratification of porn makes it addictive, you lose your ability to imagine. Gradually, what you look at becomes boring and users look for more and more ways to get turned on. It will kill your sex life and, eventually, your relationship.

RhiWrites · 09/05/2017 18:49

Set the password hint to "this account has safe surf enabled, to log on type "No Porn Zone".

Pigface1 · 09/05/2017 19:20

Wanking (we presume) in someone else's home? At their computer? While they're at work? And not even bothering to delete your history?

That's gross and so disrespectful. I'm genuinely amazed that some posters (a minority admittedly) seem to think you should just get over it.

I support previous suggestions of mentioning it to him directly.

AnyFucker · 09/05/2017 19:27

Before you bring it up with BIL I would make sure it was actually him. Your husband sounds like a pathetic pornhound, tbh.

EnidButton · 09/05/2017 19:57

Why was a married father staying at his brother's house for a week anyway?

wrenika · 09/05/2017 20:04

BertrandRussell

Why isn't porn a terrible thing?

Cause it's fun. It's stress relieving. It's pressure free pleasure. It's erotic (when they're good chemistry between the performers).

I've been with my OH for 10 years, and we have a laugh sharing our various porn findings. I pay for mine via subscription and I enjoy the continuity of one studio and one set of performers. I like seeing them doing others stuff on social media - it makes them human.
He's a skinflint and is happy to watch the few minute long samples instead!

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who was horrified by porn. Or who blindly label it all abuse. Do your research. Make adult decisions. And support good studios. Good, legitimate studios will have a strong youtube/social media presence...cause it's good promotion for censored material.

I mean, I couldn't do it...so I have immense respect for those who are so comfortable with their own sexuality.

(I'm not saying there isn't abuse in the porn industry, but you can easily be an ethical porn consumer)

Roomster101 · 09/05/2017 20:17

I doubt that many people who watch porn make any attempt to make sure it is "ethical"Hmm Regardless of what anyone thinks of porn, using someone else's computer to watch it and wank is disgsting.

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2017 20:22

"Cause it's fun. It's stress relieving. It's pressure free pleasure. It's erotic (when they're good chemistry between the performers)."

Right. So the ethics of the porn industry don't enter into it for you?

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