Ohfuckohfuckohfuuuuuuck

[SmileEachDay]

One of those massive, massive bastarding black house spiders has moved in to the top corner of my living room.

What the fuck do I do? I can't hoover it because it might...I can't even say it....but fall...you know? I can't just leave it because it gives me THE HORRORS.

😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

I too am terrified of spiders. I was just reading this thread on my laptop with a cup of tea in my hand and a bird flew past outside, reflected in my shiny laptop. Just saw the tiny movement from the corner of my eye and jumped out of my skin, thinking it was a spider.

I have now spent 5 minutes trying to remove hot tea from my keyboard

Hope it goes soon OP - are you sure you couldn't get it with the vacuum cleaner?

Do 'Pholcids' actually eat the big ones?

The spider course is also at Bristol Zoo if anyone is in the south west.

Wikipedia has this to say, LornaD40:

"Certain species of these seemingly benign spiders invade webs of other spiders and eat the host, the eggs or the prey. In some cases the spider vibrates the web of other spiders, mimicking the struggle of trapped prey to lure the host of the web closer. Pholcids are natural predators of the Tegenaria species, and are known to attack and eat redback spiders, huntsman spiders and house spiders.[4][5] It is this competition that helps keep Tegenaria populations in check, which may be advantageous to humans who live in regions with dense hobo spider populations."

I almost don't want to type it in case I jinx it (I know, I know!) but since I've been letting these guys live, we've hardly had any big scary zoomers. Last spider season there was only one, and that was right by the chimney, so I think it had just stumbled in. The first few years we lived here, I was encountering several monsters per day throughout September.

Reading that makes me so happy! Although, haven't even seen those spindly ones in a while, but when I do I shall leave it alone!

Fellow arachnophobe here.

OP you cannot fanny about with glasses and bits of paper. If you have no one else to tackle it you need to get a VERY large bucket, the biggest you can find. Child's toy bucket size. Then a very long stick, the longest you can find. And a large towel or sheet. Wear wellies and gloves and glasses.

Put bucket on table under spider, as close as you can get it. Knock spider into bucket with very long stick. The largeness of bucket makes it easier to catch and reduces risk of Climbing Out.

Once spider is in bucket cover bucket with sheet or towel. Now wait for brave person to come home.

Or

Slide or kick bucket to back door. Take bucket to the end of garden, or better still, next door's garden.

Remove sheet and overturn bucket with stick. Make sure spider has exited bucket safe distance from house.

Alternative method:

If feeling brave knock spider onto floor. Immediately put upturned bucket over it. Pile several large books on top. Wait for brave person to return.

Have stiff drink!

We need a picture.

Thankfully my cat is a master spider killer and eater not envy.

There is no brave person.

DC with father in his house.

I am perching on the edge of my sofa trying to not look at it. I can't knock it down. It's fucking massive. I'm just going to spend the evening upstairs.

Stick hairdryer onto full heat & give spider a blast..they turn to dust instantly

Really does the hairdrier work?
Though no doubt others would be outraged but if i am desperate i spray with rentakil raid spray.
I dont like to kill them but if dh is out i have to get rid as i hate it if they disappear in a room because i wont go in there for days or until it is caught.

@stairways - its trypophobia - which I didn't have before MN.

I also give you colorophobia - which is fear of clowns.

OP you can't leave it and go upstairs,what if it moves? You won't know where it gone

Do you have a friendly neighbour who could get rid of it?

Call 101.

I hairsprayed a spider in the bath once. All it did was run around like crazy scaring the crap out of me even more......

Nice neighbour is away. Neighbour on other side is downright odd.

I can't call someone. Can I?

Yes of course you can! Anyone who will help! Like the fire brigade

I'd totally take my chances with the odd neighbour.
Order a takeaway and ask the driver to remove the beast?

I'm freaking out just reading this and keep checking the room for spiders

A friend and I once called a friend, who drove quite a distance (20 minutes) to help with a spider. I am usually absolutely fine with spiders - I used to garden with brown widows, and a large house spider like yours doesn't bother me too much. But this spider was bigger than my hand. (I wasn't living in the UK at the time.)

No friend to call at all? We bribed ours with beer, I seem to remember.

Would gin help?

Go with balloons suggestion and get a pizza delivery. Give the driver a massive tip to get rid of it. I've called in strangers on the street before! I once sat in my car for 2 hours in the winter waiting for my husband to come home to kill one that was on the move.

Fucking terrified of them I am! And I have to scan every room I walk into if I've seen a spider there before - I can spot one at a hundred paces!

Oh Smile you have my sympathies! I'm not scared of spiders but I have a really terrible phobia of mice and the last time I saw a mouse in my flat it triggered a full-on meltdown where I couldn't eat or sleep for days afterwards. Phobias are horrible!

Trying to find ways of changing your thinking about the spider might help. I've been trying to retrain my brain to find mice cute instead of terrifying but I have a very long way to go yet...

Spray with Cif bathroom mousse, after it has fallen to the ground in the death throes it can then be removed - I recommend a loo flush.

Vomit on it. Immediately.
That'll learn the bugger

Right .... you need to phone London Zoo - give them your postcode and ask them who has attended their spider course that lives near you and DO NOT LEAVE THE SPIDER ON ITS OWN until help arrives.

Talk to it gently till it hisses and then tell it you eat fried spiders for dinner