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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher's Behaviour

104 replies

eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 21:07

I really want to know if IABU before I write a letter of complaint.

My DD9 is at what you would call quite a hothouse school. High flyer top performer in most areas and is petrified of getting in trouble or losing those weekly point things, so in her entire school life has never been in trouble, or lost any personal belongings, missed homework..nothing.

Today after changing into PE, she realised that her uniform was not in her bag, and went to the PE office to try and look for them.

On explaining the situation, said teacher jumped down her throat and said to "get out of the office and that she did not care" and it was up to DD to have put her uniform into her bag and that no one was going to steal her uniform. The PE teachers at this school have form for lacking nature and pastoral care and have had many complaints over the years. There were also other PE teachers present. A simple, now is not the time to look for it, or wait till after school, I would imagine would have been a good reply from the teacher?

I wouldn't speak to DD this way and I wouldn't expect a teacher to. Now I know that children can be over sensitive too, but this really knocked her confidence and then her performance on the field.

We've had the chat about not taking other people's bad behaviour too seriously or personally, but from a teacher --someone they should respect and look up to, I'm not quite sure. DD is still upset over this....something that happened 8 hours ago!

So...AIBU, and how should I now approach this?

OP posts:
ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 05/05/2017 21:12

DD " excuse me miss, my uniform seems to be missing, it hasn't been handed in, has it?"
PE teacher " get out of here, I don't care about your uniform"

Having a bit of difficulty with that tbh.

Of course the teacher may well have told the child her stuff was her responsibility. Which it is.

Did it turn up?

Bluntness100 · 05/05/2017 21:14

DD " excuse me miss, my uniform seems to be missing, it hasn't been handed in, has it?"
PE teacher " get out of here, I don't care about your uniform" Having a bit of difficulty with that tbh

I'm struggling here too. Is there more context? Something missing?

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/05/2017 21:16

Ask the teacher in a calm and non confrontational way

Fruitcorner123 · 05/05/2017 21:16

Her whole uniform was missing? Did she find it? Are you sure you have the full story here because it's an odd story. Are they not normally allowed to go to the PE office? If they are not allowed to go there there must be something they should do if they need a teacher in these circumstances.

If you feel you want to take it further I would do it in person by asking to speak to the teacher in question and hear her side of things before going in accusing her of being rude. I actually don't think she was overly rude though clearly annoyed at your daughter which is why I wonder if there is more to the story. Her whole uniform going missing is quite extreme so for the teacher to just brush it off seems very odd.

Also I can still remember the one time i got into trouble in primary school I was upset for ages afterwards because I had otherwise been, like your daughter, perfectly well behaved. That doesn't mean the teacher was in the wrong.

Original poster
eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 21:22

Every bit of the uniform is missing...and no is still missing

And that is the extent of it...a family friend with an older child was witness and said the same thing because she was so shocked. I am going to ask the other teacher who was present for their version of events too.

OP posts:
MrsT2007 · 05/05/2017 21:23

Does seem a bit of an odd conversation.

Ring school and enquire about incident and explain DD was upset by what had happened.

Don't be accusatory or hotheaded. Get both sides before you thinkany further in the issue.

PS I'm not sure I like the sound of the school though. Hothousing = spoiled childhood to me.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 05/05/2017 21:25

A family friend was in the PE office at the time?

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 05/05/2017 21:27

Where does your daughter think her uniform is?
Are you cross about the missing uniform? I would be. Bloody expensive bits of kit.

notanevilstepmother · 05/05/2017 21:29

I'm going to have a guess at the missing information here.

At my school students are expected to knock on the office door and wait to be asked before opening it. (There are signs on the door).

Still we get some students who think it's fine to just walk in. This is not acceptable, we might be in the middle of a confidential phone call to a parent, we might be discussing another student, we might be looking at confidential paperwork. Perhaps this was the case here?

Original poster
eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 21:33

The PE office is within the playground area so not where all the teachers and headmaster office is upstairs.

PE office has an open door policy for the children

OP posts:
angeldiver · 05/05/2017 21:34

Is your dd really 9?
I don't know of any primary schools that have so many dedicated PE staff.

That is irrelevant though. Not a particularly nice way to speak to a child, whatever age.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/05/2017 21:35

If your family friend and her child were there presumably they were in a meeting with the teacher?

Fruitcorner123 · 05/05/2017 21:36

You definitely need to ring the school if only to ensure they are investigating the missing uniform. Would just ask to speak to the teacher in question and listen to het version. Dont go in all guns blazing. Do you suspect your daughter's uniform was stolen from her bag?

Dahlietta · 05/05/2017 21:38

*DD " excuse me miss, my uniform seems to be missing, it hasn't been handed in, has it?"
PE teacher " get out of here, I don't care about your uniform"

Having a bit of difficulty with that tbh.*

I don't know - having known a lot of PE teachers, I don't find it impossible to imagine...

SnapJack68 · 05/05/2017 21:40

A lot of students just roam into our departmental staff room or knock and just walk in asking for something. Some teachers lose their rag at lack of basic manners and have a right go at the students and sometimes a fairly innocent student gets the rough end of the.stick

I am always polite but it's easy to see how I happens. Teachers in school.from. 7.30 twaving all day and no leaving til 5.30 then working more hours at home and in the 20.mimute lunch break have students bustling in going " is my bag in here?" "Is Mr x here" " I need to talk to Mrs y"

Maybe she got the rough end of the stick by coming in at a bad time.. not cool though and shouldn't happen

Original poster
eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 21:41

There was no meeting going on...All the sports teacher sit in one big open plan office. Children come and go as they please during break time. Family friend was just outside the door office where the bags are kept, so heard everything.

Thanks, to all those who have offered reasonable and helpful advice and not questioned my child's sincerity and version of events.

I would imagine that it was stolen because it was within an hour of her changing out, going to lunch and returning to find that there was no uniform and then doing the responsible thing and trying to locate it.

All the teacher's response is teaching her is that the next time she does lose something to not bother looking for it!

OP posts:
zeeboo · 05/05/2017 21:41

I'm also fairly bemused at a school with multiple PE teachers at Junior level.
OP you don't know what the teacher said, you only know what your daughter heard. No one, adult or child can repeat something verbatim when emotions are involved. She was told off by a teacher for barging in, that's all you really know.
Go in and speak to them, but you chose a school that hothouses and has poor pastoral care.

Original poster
eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 21:43

Yes my DD is 9 ...it is an independent school and all indies have dedicated sports staff

OP posts:
ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 05/05/2017 21:48

You are clearly not going to listen to any advice telling you to hold your horses and find out the real context so go ahead. Be that parent. I predict you'll discover that maybe there is a different version of events that I doubt you'll ever come back and tell us.
Is your daughter very upset about her stolen uniform by any chance?

Crumbs1 · 05/05/2017 21:50

You chose a hot house you can hardly be surprised that they are not overly nurturing. Tough love would be their version.

Original poster
eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 21:51

ArtemisiaGentilleschi I don't know where you got that I was taking any advice onboard.. but ok

OP posts:
ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 05/05/2017 21:51

Was there a number of other staff present as well or just one?
Bit unclear from your posts.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 05/05/2017 21:52

Precisely.

Original poster
eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 21:52

Of course she is upset, why else would she bother looking for it? Any other 9 year old would have just left it and gone on their merry way and waited till mummy emptied their bag...but my DD does her own washing.

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 05/05/2017 21:54

What type of thief goes into a school changing room and steals one nine year old's uniform? The only way I can think this would happen is if your daughter was targeted by another student. is that likely? Could she has mislaid the uniform somehow? People are saying you don't have the full story here because it doesn't make much sense. See what the school says. We are not accusing your daughter of lying but she may be omitting something or exaggerating or whatever. She is only 9 so it's forgivable!