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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teacher's Behaviour

104 replies

eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 21:07

I really want to know if IABU before I write a letter of complaint.

My DD9 is at what you would call quite a hothouse school. High flyer top performer in most areas and is petrified of getting in trouble or losing those weekly point things, so in her entire school life has never been in trouble, or lost any personal belongings, missed homework..nothing.

Today after changing into PE, she realised that her uniform was not in her bag, and went to the PE office to try and look for them.

On explaining the situation, said teacher jumped down her throat and said to "get out of the office and that she did not care" and it was up to DD to have put her uniform into her bag and that no one was going to steal her uniform. The PE teachers at this school have form for lacking nature and pastoral care and have had many complaints over the years. There were also other PE teachers present. A simple, now is not the time to look for it, or wait till after school, I would imagine would have been a good reply from the teacher?

I wouldn't speak to DD this way and I wouldn't expect a teacher to. Now I know that children can be over sensitive too, but this really knocked her confidence and then her performance on the field.

We've had the chat about not taking other people's bad behaviour too seriously or personally, but from a teacher --someone they should respect and look up to, I'm not quite sure. DD is still upset over this....something that happened 8 hours ago!

So...AIBU, and how should I now approach this?

OP posts:

SmileEachDay · 05/05/2017 21:57

Any other 9 year old would have just left it

Just talk to the head of year or whatever...

cdtaylornats · 05/05/2017 21:57

I wouldn't speak to DD this way and I wouldn't expect a teacher to

Then consider it a good life lesson because your DD will be spoken to like that many times in her life.

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 22:00

The teacher is reacting to the primary school student as if she was a work colleague of the same age in an office.

Time to prepare and fire up an e-mail to send the headmaster.

Abraiid2 · 05/05/2017 22:00

It is quite common for pupils in independent schools to pinch bits of other pupils' kits if they have lost or forgotten theirs.

Not sure why the OP is getting a hard time here.

I would talk to the form teacher or tutor and ask for some guidance here. One or two of the PE staff at my daughter's otherwise very good school are known for being sour.

Original poster

eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 22:01

I'm sorry but I work in the city and no one has every spoken to me like that.. nor have I ever spoken to anyone like that.

I don't know how you speak to your child cdtaylornats

OP posts:

TheRealPooTroll · 05/05/2017 22:02

I think a letter of complaint would be ott tbh. Asking her to get out and saying they don't care about the uniform also sounds like your dd was pursuing the issue when she'd already been asked not to.
It wasn't the most polite way they could have spoke to her but if my dd told me this story I'd probably say something like 'gosh sounds like Miss X was in a bad mood' and leave it at that. Is it possible that your reaction is causing your dd to think this is a bigger deal than it is. Getting witness statements from other teachers and firing off letters of complaint is really blowing this massively out of proportion imo.

Original poster

eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 22:02

Fruitcorner123 thanks for your advice... I will speak to the teacher in question.

OP posts:

Fruitcorner123 · 05/05/2017 22:02

If you fire up an email straight to the head you will definitely be "that" parent and if it turns out there's more to the story you will look a bit silly. You obviously have to contact them as her whole uniform is missing (!?!?) But an email direct to the head seems unnecessary

Fruitcorner123 · 05/05/2017 22:03

Sorry was responding to Phyllisnights

Original poster

eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 22:04

Thanks, TheRealPooTroll I agree so won't write the letter.. hence why I posed the question.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 05/05/2017 22:04

Having helped out in my DDs school when they were younger, I've heard teachers speak to pupils in quite a rude and abrupt manner, that they wouldn't dare to do if a parent was around.

It was done when they didn't know I could hear them.

How do they expect respect when they don't give it. I made a complaint about this exact issue (a TA being sarcastic and rude to my DD).

I told the head that I teach my DC to be respectful to adults and if this how an adult spoke to her for no good reading, then it wasn't acceptable.

The head got the TA to call me to apologise and she tried to say my DD had got it wrong and she'd never say what my DD told me she said.

I didn't believe and I told her my DD had no reason to make that up.

I do have a few teacher friends, so I'm not anti teachers. They do a great job in the main.

As an aside, I remember all my PE teachers at school were so mean. No one liked them.

WidowTwonky · 05/05/2017 22:06

our primary school has multiple PE staff (just saying)

TheMysteriousJackelope · 05/05/2017 22:07

Your DD's uniform may have been taken and hidden somewhere as a not very funny joke.

Definitely ask the PE teacher whether it has turned up in some unexpected place. I would also ask whether there was a problem with how your DD approached the teacher as she was taken aback at being told off so severely and wasn't entirely sure what she had done wrong.

Original poster

eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 22:08

Thanks for the support WidowTwonky

OP posts:

Original poster

eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 22:11

Yes it'd probably wouldn't be the first time that someone has played such a prank TheMysteriousJackelope.

My DD is like a mouse.. so wouldn't have barged in.. she said that one teacher had said come in and then once she had started to explain, the other teacher had started barking.

OP posts:

eddiemairswife · 05/05/2017 22:11

Why does she do her own washing?

Original poster

eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 22:13

Why not eddiemairswife... because she wants to and is responsible?

It's not as if she is hitting her clothes over rocks down by the stream.

Shove clothes in washing machine, throw in detergent and press on?

OP posts:

AwaywiththePixies27 · 05/05/2017 22:15

and it was up to DD to have put her uniform into her bag and that no one was going to steal her uniform.

DDs uniform routinely went missing at her last school. Including a brand new cardigan which I had bought. Within 24hours it had 'vanished' from her tray. Several other items too. Including PE Kits and a scarf from a hat and scarf set (the set was a gift bought from M&S). Dame would happen with DS's stuff too. Including his jumpers and a scarf I remember having to replace three days after buying it!

Yes stuff can easily get lost in schools but stuff can easily get stolen too. To expect it doesn't happen is naive at best.
YNBU OP. She shouldn't have snapped at her. I'm sure teacher didnt mean to but no excuse nonetheless.

RhodaBorrocks · 05/05/2017 22:15

What type of thief goes into a school changing room and steals one nine year old's uniform?

The same sort who nicked my DS's entire named PE kit - bag and all, from his cloakroom. It's not turned up in any of the lost property bins and I've been assured if it was found laying around then it would be in there.

DS also got shouted at to do PE even though he was in a cast because "you don't have a note" - both the class teacher and office manager had said notes weren't necessary as casts speak for themselves. They were horrified when DS was forced to do rugby passes with a broken bone and his PE teacher was spoken to about notes not being policy for visible injuries.

And that's in a state school - also with dedicated PE staff.

OP I'd calmly speak to the PE teacher first, but approach it as you're trying to recover the uniform first. If the teacher seems unhelpful or displays the same attitude towards you then I'd take it higher.

eddiemairswife · 05/05/2017 22:16

Just seems a waste if not a full load.

manicinsomniac · 05/05/2017 22:17

The PE teachers at this school have form for lacking nature

Sorry, I know it's a serious thread but that has to be one of the best typos I have ever seen!

YANBU to be annoyed, it's a horrible way to speak to a child. But tempers do get frayed and PE kit is a particularly thorny issue. I teach in an independent prep (not games but performing arts so still plenty of changing and lost clothes) and uniforms/bits of uniforms go missing every single day. 95% of the time the child hasn't looked properly and it is so frustrating when you stop what you're doing, escort them to the changing rooms, stop everyone and get them to look and then find the kit 2 inches away from where it should have been.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 05/05/2017 22:19

An acquaintance of mine has an 8 year old who does the entire family's washing. She enjoys it . She even tells her mother when it's time to buy detergent and fabric softener.

I used to enjoy polishing furniture when I was about 6.

Children are weird.

Original poster

eatmysocks23 · 05/05/2017 22:21

SandyY2K that is reassuring in a way.. was your daughter ok?

I've never complained about any teacher before.. in case of "repercussions" so it's not as if I'm "one of those parents"...but I just thought that this went too far.

OP posts:

Fruitcorner123 · 05/05/2017 22:22

rhodaborrocks that is shocking what an awful school! I just mean really that the thief is almost certainly another child playing a prank or bullying. Not likely to be an external person or member of staff . The school can't investigate a single item going missing as most will be the child's carelessness but a child's entire uniform they should take a bit more seriously.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 05/05/2017 22:23

The missing uniform is a worry.

I think the reaction about the teacher being snappy is OTT but then I've never worked at an independent school so perhaps this kind of reaction is more usual?

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