To go to friends birthday meal with a grand title of £16

[user1493797837]

I'm on income support. I simply don't have any more money until Monday which I need for job interviews anyway.

I have no cash leftover each month.

My best friend is having his birthday party at a restaurant and the prices are between £7-£13 for a main meal.

It will cost me £5 for the train. So I will then have £10 for the meal. This means no splitting he bill, no drink, no tip, no being able to pay for things 'for the table'.

I've had to do it for years as I've been a desperate job seeker for most of my life. I have it down to a fine art. But i am worried people will order things and expect me to contribute such as bottles of water.

We never ever split the bill for the table and my friend orders about £100 worth of food and drink and so he insists it's only fair to pay for ourselves.

I wish we were going to good old weatherspoons or something but this restaurant was his choice.

I've perfected drinking tap water after the meal so no one knows I'm too skint to buy a drink. I'm leaving to get the 11 o clock train anyway.

I arrive at 7:30pm.

So, am I being insane? Would it be better to not go at all? I can't meet them afterwards for drink as they won't be finished until around 9pm and I'd only have an hour and a half before my train.

[Iamastonished]

What exactly is stopping you from telling your friend that you are skint? Is it pride? Pride is a sin you know.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

If this was my friend I'd want them to tell me and I'd be more than happy to pay.

[user1493797837]

Not pride. It's his birthday. He hears about my problems every day. His birthday shouldn't be one of them.

He knows I'm poor. But he's told me about this meal for weeks. I should have planned better so I had the money.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Does he know your situation?
If you were my friend I'd be offering to pay for you.
I'd want my best friend there and I'd want her to enjoy herself.
If he is a really good friend, please tell him.

[DisorderedAllsorts]

There's no way I'd let a friend spend their last £15 on my birthday meal. In fact, I'd be treating them to a meal. He is not a friend at all in my opinion if he can't empathise with your financial situation.

[user1493797837]

He does empathise. He doesn't know it's my last £15.

I'm not going to tell him. He's so excited for the meal. It's not fair.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

You've had plenty of people giving you tips to make it work. You can decide to be be your own worst enemy and berate yourself for not planning well enough when perhaps that really wasn't possible. Or you can deal with the reality of the situation. No point asking for help then continuing in the same helpless vein.

[BlackDoglet]

User - lots of ideas here! Don't waste your day brooding over it. Decide which option you're going with and settle.

Me, I'd go a little later and join for dessert and few drinks.

[BarbaraofSeville]

No amount of planning makes expensive restaurants affordable on income support. You must be doing without essentials somewhere to find the money.

Don't feel bad and don't put his feelings before yours. If it spoils his night to know that it's been a struggle for you to afford to come, maybe he's not the good friend you're making him out to be.

[MagnumAddict]

Sorry op but it's starting to sound like a begging thread and I'm sure you don't want that.

People have given you plenty of suggestions on how to handle the night, if it was me I'd definitely eat first and join for a drink and dessert, or more likely I wouldn't go and invite your friend round tomorrow and share a bottle of wine with him instead.

I'm not sure what else people can suggest. It is absolutely rotten though so you do have my sympathy. I hope this is a short lived rough patch for you.

[OatcakeCravings]

I'd go but let him know before hand that you need to pay for yours separately.

[Rafflesway]

So your best friend knows you are on income support, knows about your problems as you discuss them daily yet still chooses an expensive restaurant - his choice, I appreciate - but expects you to be in a position to attend and pay like everyone else????

Sorry but I find his total lack of empathy somewhat narcissistic! Why can't he arrange something considerably cheaper, for another day, to have a separate celebration with you?

Personally, as much as I understand you want to go, I definitely wouldn't use my last £16 for this. What if something happens over the weekend? You wouldn't even have money for the bus fare!

[user1493797837]

I'm going to make it clear how much I have to spend. Or make absolutely sure I don't drink any of the table wine or water. That way I can't be expected to pay for it.

[FrenchMartiniTime]

It sounds like you are really struggling at the moment.

It's hard to save when the little cash you have needs to go on essentials like food and bills.

If he is your best friend he should understand that you are pretty much living hand to mouth and a cant afford a meal out. Why don't you arrange to do something else separately like cook a meal for him at your house and have a night in?

If you don't mind OP, can I ask how old you are and why you have been struggling to find employment. Maybe some posters could give you some advice?

[user1493797837]

I'm 27. I'm shit at interviews.

Masters degree and qualified in a well regarded profession.

I shouldn't be in this situation but that's life.

[rightwhine]

Just be upfront with everyone at the beginning of the meal and ask for a tap water. Tell them you literally have £10 and you hope they understand. They will if they are good friends.

[honeycheeerios]

You can go.

And you should go, as long as that money is 'spare' and you're definitely not going without elsewhere.

You just need to decide how to approach the situation with bill splitting, drinks and not ordering several courses.

My idea was the very recently 'lost purse' and therefore no bank cards till you get replacements. Not had time to get to the bank to withdraw in person.

There is also the missed train idea and will just catch them for dessert or 1 glass of wine.

Or you could be completely honest with your friend, and ask that you discreetly pay for your meal and stay out of any bill splitting.

If you really want to go then go and make the best of it. But, don't feel guilty if it's more trouble that it's worth and the lack of money will stop you enjoying it.

[JaneEyre70]

If he's your best friend, then text him and say you're coming but you only have just enough for a main course and the train fare, and will be drinking tap water so please can you not involve me in any bill splitting.
And then say something like I can't think of any nicer way of spending my last tenner and a smiley face.
At least that way he's knows the position you're in.

[crochetmonkey]

I've done this loads of times when skint - normally I just say I'll join you for a drink or a starter. No one has ever made a fuss, honesty has always worked and cuts through any embarassment. Hope you have a lovely time!

[putdownyourphone]

If he's your best friend and super excited about the meal, I don't think asking to borrow a tenner is going to ruin it for him. Send a text and say 'look I really want to come but I only have 15 quid til next week so I don't think I can make it'. If he says ok then don't go, but a good friend will offer to help you out.

[MagnumAddict]

No you definitely shouldn't be. OP interviewing is a skill and one that can be vastly improved with practice.

You can honestly get help with them. There are charitable organisations that help with interview techniques and even some large organisations.

I'm willing to bet there would be a few MNers who'd help too.

Can you say what industry you are qualified in? You could still get help even if you don't want to say. I'm sure I've seen lots of HR professionals on these boards.

You don't have to live like this OP, lots of people in this situation have no way out, you do. Please use it.

[FrenchMartiniTime]

There are resources out there to help you with interview techniques that would help build your confidence.

Sorry to derail from your thread but i think you should focus on that and get support from your friends.

If my friend was struggling like you were I would do everything I could to help.

[BarbaraofSeville]

I wouldn't be saying 'I only have £15 until next week' because to anyone who doesn't understand about living on a fixed low income, that's just an invitation to offer to lend you the money which will then put pressure on you to spend more than you can afford, which will leave you short next week when you pay them back.

It sounds like you can afford the £15 and no more. So go, spend that amount and spend it the way that suits you best, whether it is two starters and tap water (I have a small appetite so often have 2 starters instead of a starter and a main if everyone else is having starters), just a main and tapwater, or a starter and a drink and eat something before you go.

[BlondeGinger]

Could you contact your friend and say you're going to be held up but don't want to miss celebrating so could pop by for a drink towards the end of the meal?
Hope things start to pick up for you with the interviews. I know what it's like.

[HellonHeels]

This is not the focus of the thread but are you near to the universities where you got your degrees? Many universities offer ongoing careers support including interview and CV guidance and practice. That would help a lot in your job search.

I hope you find a way to enjoy your evening out. I'd be mortified if one of my friends were in your state over my planned birthday meal so I'd go with telling your friend you can't afford it.