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AIBU?

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Original poster

To never accept an invite from this couple again?

153 replies

smileygrapefruit · 04/05/2017 23:04

Dh and I are friends with another couple but not terribly close mainly just due to busy lives, we mainly see each other for our young children's birthdays and the occasional party/wedding however over the last few months we have been invited over for drinks at theirs nearly every week. We have accepted and attended 3 times since February. I'm pregnant so not drinking therefore when the drinking started getting out of hand I made our excuses to leave boring pregnant lady

Anyway, Dh went out with the husband tonight (let's call him Dave). There was a group of 5 men and apparently Dave was already pretty pissed when dh arrived. The conversation then took a strange turn when Dave told the group that him and his wife have started swinging! He goes in to town to pick up people (couples or single men or women) and takes them home to his wife. Ok, fine, whatever floats your boat. BUT, then it got really weird with him propositioning dh and the other guys, "ahhh, go on, it's just a bit of fun. You can fuck my wife and I can fuck yours" etc etc. Dh has just come home a bit shellshocked saying that's literally all Dave spoke about for 2 hours and he had to be quite firm in the end saying you are not having sex with my wife!

Honestly, we're meant to be going to theirs in a fortnight and I don't know if I can!!! Apparently they have already lost one set of friends because of this. If you're going to do it, fine, but surely you keep friendships separate? I feel so awkward about seeing them!

OP posts:
Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 06/05/2017 20:17

I was aware of the pampas grass connotations and round here it's rumoured if you have those big metal butterflies on your house you're 'in the club'. Didn't know about hanging baskets or the wicker hearts though...

OP posts:
IJustLostTheGame · 06/05/2017 20:23

I have metal butterflies screwed into my outside wall.
Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod

sundaymorningbringsthedawnin · 06/05/2017 20:26

I have peacocks on my wall.Confused

Tapandgo · 06/05/2017 20:33

Gross - I wouldn't dream of going near people who thought 'the guys' could arrange sex swaps for their partners between themselves down the pub.

DesertSky · 06/05/2017 20:36

Eeew lol. You mentioned a few years ago when you were round theirs (and drunk!) your husband dragged you home because things started getting weird - did he say what happened?!

WickerLoveHearts · 06/05/2017 20:37

I think I need a name change after reading this Blush - don't have anything to add though, sorry! Grin

Foxylass · 06/05/2017 21:02

Ooh !!!!!! I never knew about the pampas grass but now you mention it.....our local swingers have a large pampas grass!!

Stay away from 'Dave' and his wife. And praise your DH.

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 06/05/2017 21:18

IJust ohmygosh! I'd get rid if I were you!

Haha yes Wicker , very apt name for this thread....are you sure you don't have anything to add?!

Foxy don't think dh needs praising for turning down an invitation to shag our mates perhaps therapy as he seems pretty traumatised by the whole situation

OP posts:
simiisme · 06/05/2017 21:22

Bleeeargh! Run far...run fast!

fruitlovingmonkey · 06/05/2017 21:43

Eww, they sound gross. Don't go for dinner with them again. If you accept an invitation after hearing all about it, they might assume you are keen.
I think we need a list of the signs- pampas grass, hot tubs, etc.

Laura2507 · 06/05/2017 21:45

Hanging baskets? Hanging baskets are a sign?!

I've just put out a hanging basket of pansies and a bloody doormat that says 'Welcome' on. Jesus.

@stumblymonkeyreturns thank you for making me laugh!! GrinGrin

AlexRose5 · 06/05/2017 21:46

Avoid these people . As you've said if that floats their boat then let em do it but to be openly propositioning mates on a night out is beyond gross. I would turn down any future invites. You don't need that kind of awkwardness while you're pregnant or any other time for that matter .
Hopefully they'll be too busy banging their way to the STD clinic to notice you're absence .

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 06/05/2017 22:03

You're pregnant. How utterly disgusting of them!

MangosAndPapayas · 06/05/2017 22:03

Everyone calm down!

As someone else said, they are swingers not rapists!

Swingers suggest swinging. Not your thing. Fine. No Big Deal.

Drunk man in pub bores on about single topic for 2 hours - that you aren't interested in. Who knew such a thing happened? No Big Deal.

Just make clear you aren't interested and don't feel comfortable discussing it. And move on.

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 06/05/2017 22:07

Mamasandpapyos im inclined to agree with you but when they know she's pregnant (assuming they do) then that would be wrong

user1472298115 · 06/05/2017 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saffronwblue · 06/05/2017 22:30

Where are their dc while the parents are swinging at home?
It is such a 70's kind of thing, somehow even down to the decor.

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 06/05/2017 22:59

No one feels at risk...just slightly awkward now. Trying to persuade dh to send Dave a text but he's not sure if we should just pretend the conversation never happened!

saffron they've always had babysitters on tap. I'm very jealous, although would be sleeping not swinging!

OP posts:
Purplealienpuke · 06/05/2017 23:01

Sounds to me like 'dave' is the one into sharing?? If you're friends with his Mrs maybe speak to her and let her know her husband is offering her up to his mates in exchange for shagging their wives??
I knew a couple when I was in my 20s. She begged me to shag her boyfriend because she wanted to sleep with his brother and that was the deal they'd made!! Not a chance in hell!! Far too weird, we weren't friendly after that 🙄

Katfish9 · 07/05/2017 00:19

Oh crap! I have a wicker heart hanging in my kitchen window!!! Do all my neighbours now think I've been advertising something!!?? Was NOT aware of that 'code'!

MissEDashwood · 07/05/2017 01:59

Grin at the couple from Benidorm

I may refrain from going round.

Never engage in such stuff, it never ends well.

My hubby thought as he's my hubby his mate who was gagging for it could borrow me. I was just Shock im not a library book.

Whatever floats your boat and all that.

millifiori · 07/05/2017 10:11

Are hanging baskets outside the front door a sign? They'd better not be. I love ours and they're not getting chucked out just because they give some people the wrong impression. We also have a heart my sister gave us. We are so not sex people. Ew.

Nanna61 · 07/05/2017 19:44

I would suggest you have a discussion with Dh and decide whether you want to remain friends with this couple. Do you enjoy their company generally? Were you at ease with them before this? If you both agree that you want to end the friendship do so. If not, go for drinks and explain to them that you enjoy their friendship, but, you will not agree to take part in any swinging. Their reaction to this will be the decider in any future relationship you have with them.

WankingMonkey · 07/05/2017 21:57

Dear god...my grandparents had truckloads of that pampass grass stuff in the garden. I always thought it was just because it looked nice Sad