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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never accept an invite from this couple again?

153 replies

smileygrapefruit · 04/05/2017 23:04

Dh and I are friends with another couple but not terribly close mainly just due to busy lives, we mainly see each other for our young children's birthdays and the occasional party/wedding however over the last few months we have been invited over for drinks at theirs nearly every week. We have accepted and attended 3 times since February. I'm pregnant so not drinking therefore when the drinking started getting out of hand I made our excuses to leave boring pregnant lady

Anyway, Dh went out with the husband tonight (let's call him Dave). There was a group of 5 men and apparently Dave was already pretty pissed when dh arrived. The conversation then took a strange turn when Dave told the group that him and his wife have started swinging! He goes in to town to pick up people (couples or single men or women) and takes them home to his wife. Ok, fine, whatever floats your boat. BUT, then it got really weird with him propositioning dh and the other guys, "ahhh, go on, it's just a bit of fun. You can fuck my wife and I can fuck yours" etc etc. Dh has just come home a bit shellshocked saying that's literally all Dave spoke about for 2 hours and he had to be quite firm in the end saying you are not having sex with my wife!

Honestly, we're meant to be going to theirs in a fortnight and I don't know if I can!!! Apparently they have already lost one set of friends because of this. If you're going to do it, fine, but surely you keep friendships separate? I feel so awkward about seeing them!

OP posts:
BeeThirtythree · 04/05/2017 23:46

removes innocently hung wicker hearts

No wonder Susan across the road has been friendlier recently 😮

Just goes to show you never can tell what ' sex people' look like!

SabineUndine · 04/05/2017 23:47

What if you turn up and 'Dave' assumes that means you're game? I would drop them like a hot potato.

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 04/05/2017 23:48

But we're not new friends. We've known each other years and we have definitely never given any indication that we want to be anything more than friends! Dh has just said he thought things were going to take a weird turn when we were there a few years ago so he made our excuses to leave I don't remember I was very drunk

OP posts:
DontLetMeBeMisunderstood · 04/05/2017 23:50

Kidakidder - I thought of that straightaway too! "no thank you, I don't want to be part of your sex festival"

Twofurrycats · 04/05/2017 23:50

Well at least this thread has answered a question for me. I wondered how so many shops selling wicker hearts and similar tat stayed in business!

FallenPetalsSummerDew · 04/05/2017 23:51

I've put wicker hearts in my kitchen window....I thought they looked cute.....they hang above the fruit bowl.... WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!... There's nothing for it except stick the house on rightmove and a wicker burning!!!Blush

Ginger782 · 04/05/2017 23:52

Hahaha. Bail. You can still be "friends" - see them at parties where there are other people attending on special occassions! But oh gosh PP's are correct, you've been groomed. You seem to be disagreeing with everyone though and you keep saying "but we've been friends for a long time!" That's fine - can you sit through another boozy dinner with them knowing they just want...you know...

HildaOg · 04/05/2017 23:54

It was an invitation which can be declined. I don't see why you can't still be friends with them if you like them.

My best friend once tried to get me to have a threesome with her and her then boyfriend. I nearly died laughing and ran out of the room yelling ewwww😂 The only time they ever tried to seduce me...

It takes all sorts. They're new to swinging so they're probably really excited, think it's the best thing ever and want to share. Unless they try to push it on you when you say no then I'd stay friends.

paxillin · 04/05/2017 23:55

You can still be "friends" - see them at parties where there are other people attending on special occassions!

Only if you know the other people are safe! Otherwise you walk in and find out it's a group fuck. No, meet in a pub from now on.

BeeThirtythree · 04/05/2017 23:55

Why did your DH feel things were going to take a weird turn? What did the couple/Dave do? Did you and DH discuss this then?

user1471451259 · 04/05/2017 23:55

Lol you do realise they will probably be fantasising about having sex with you and your DH.

I wouldn't end the friendship but I would make it clear that it's 100% not your bag the drinks invites will probably stop then

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 04/05/2017 23:56

No Ginger, I'm definitely not disagreeing, I said the more frequent invites coincide with when it apparently started. But yeah, I think you're right....no more double dates!!! I still think I'm going to be incredibly awkward and embarrassed next time I see either of them!

OP posts:
Madammim17 · 04/05/2017 23:56

Bloody hell OP, run! Run like the wind!!

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 05/05/2017 00:00

Not sure Bee. Think he's feeling a little shocked tbh and he's just fallen asleep so can't discuss further now.

OP posts:
HildaOg · 05/05/2017 00:04

They're swingers, not rapists... You know them long enough to know you're physically safe with them. I don't see why you'd be embarrassed when you see them? The situation is silly and amusing at most.

Ceto · 05/05/2017 00:05

Don't be awkward or embarrassed. Just say to them that you are categorically not into swinging and never will be, so there is no point in the constant invitations for drinks. Then leave the ball in their court as to whether they want to keep the friendship going on the old basis or not.

LellyMcKelly · 05/05/2017 00:10

Wind chimes? I knew about pampas grass, but I thought wind chimes were just to signpost that you were really annoying Grin

KC225 · 05/05/2017 00:14

I tell you something, you know that friendship where you've kind of outgrown each other but still feel obliged to meet up and go through the motions mainly for old times sake. You don't want to bin them off but you could do with a long term downgrade. Just send the DH''s out and get yours to announce you have both got into swinging, drinks 7pm? And see them disappear.

Good luck OP

Pentapus · 05/05/2017 00:17

hanging wicker hearts was now indicative of swinging?

Yes, those and wooden signs, ornaments and cushions that say "LOVE"

< nods sagely>

emmyrose2000 · 05/05/2017 00:29

Drop them like a hot potato.

The recent increase in invitations sounds like they were grooming you.

Before I even got to the swinging part, the sudden increase in invites rang alarm bells, especially as they were always inviting you to their house, rather than generic locations, or even inviting themselves over to your place.

innagazing · 05/05/2017 00:36

Now that you've told us about this, I think you're morally obliged to go to the drinks party next week so that you can report back to us Grin

LeninaCrowne · 05/05/2017 00:46

Take your own hot dogs Wink

Valentine2 · 05/05/2017 00:47

It was an invitation which can be declined. I don't see why you can't still be friends with them if you like them.
^^ This.
I wouldn't loose a friendship over this. I don't think they deserve this either. If you say you are friends, you can have one simple, adult talk over it and set the boundaries. No need to loose friends on this.

Lochan · 05/05/2017 00:58

Decline and be honest about why.

"We are uncomfortable having dinner at your house after Dave repeatedly propositioned DH at the night out.

We're happy to meet at a restaurant though"

Motoko · 05/05/2017 02:20

Haha, I read this out to my husband, and he called it when I got to the end of the first paragraph!

I don't think I'd feel comfortable meeting them again, at least, not at their house. Maybe going out for a meal in public if you'd miss their friendship though.