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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never accept an invite from this couple again?

153 replies

smileygrapefruit · 04/05/2017 23:04

Dh and I are friends with another couple but not terribly close mainly just due to busy lives, we mainly see each other for our young children's birthdays and the occasional party/wedding however over the last few months we have been invited over for drinks at theirs nearly every week. We have accepted and attended 3 times since February. I'm pregnant so not drinking therefore when the drinking started getting out of hand I made our excuses to leave boring pregnant lady

Anyway, Dh went out with the husband tonight (let's call him Dave). There was a group of 5 men and apparently Dave was already pretty pissed when dh arrived. The conversation then took a strange turn when Dave told the group that him and his wife have started swinging! He goes in to town to pick up people (couples or single men or women) and takes them home to his wife. Ok, fine, whatever floats your boat. BUT, then it got really weird with him propositioning dh and the other guys, "ahhh, go on, it's just a bit of fun. You can fuck my wife and I can fuck yours" etc etc. Dh has just come home a bit shellshocked saying that's literally all Dave spoke about for 2 hours and he had to be quite firm in the end saying you are not having sex with my wife!

Honestly, we're meant to be going to theirs in a fortnight and I don't know if I can!!! Apparently they have already lost one set of friends because of this. If you're going to do it, fine, but surely you keep friendships separate? I feel so awkward about seeing them!

OP posts:

paxillin · 05/05/2017 13:58

I'd be tempted to text her to find out if she's aware her DH is offering her for sex in the pub.

BigFatGoalie · 05/05/2017 14:12

If this is Surrey I think we may know your Dave

Original poster

smileygrapefruit · 05/05/2017 15:02

Buffy sounds like you might be in a similar situation haha!

Krakey I definitely don't think we're in the minority in our group of friends. Tbh I don't really get why you would want an open marriage...marriage is about commitment and love between two people.

Goalie no, not Surrey!

OP posts:

MrsELM21 · 05/05/2017 15:05

Please go just so you can tell us what happens

BuffyTheSpikeLayer · 05/05/2017 15:42

kidaKidder Crikey hanging baskets who knew they were a sign? My Nan's got bloody loads what does that mean!

smileygrapefruit God I just thought they were really really friendly and just those really tactile people! They can't be surely? It can't be that common?

I think I must live on a different planet sometimes...

BuffyTheSpikeLayer · 05/05/2017 15:47

All that hanging of baskets and planting of pampass grass. The entertaining of people, trying to build new friendships with couples and covert people, then all the you know sex. It all sounds a bit bloody exhausting to be honest.
My friends both work full time, no idea how they fit in all this swinging malarky.
If that's what they are doing obviously

FellOutOfBed2wice · 05/05/2017 15:50

Literally came on to say "they're sex people, Lynn!"

Go, but if anything dodgy is suggested stand up and firmly say that you "don't want to be part of their sex festival!"

Original poster

smileygrapefruit · 05/05/2017 15:53

I'm quite tactile and flirty when I've had a drink so maybe they thought I'd be up for it, even though I've not been drinking the last few months. Tbh though he sounds like he was just trying to get any one of them to agree to it, doesn't sound like they're fussy!

Are there not websites for this kind if thing so you don't have to freak out all your friends?!

This couple work hard but have always played hard too on tap babysitters

OP posts:

cowgirlsareforever · 05/05/2017 15:55

I've just pmsl at the Alan Partridge clip. Definitely agree with FellOutOfBed2wice that you should use Lynn's 'sex festival' line.

Idoidoidoidoido · 05/05/2017 16:04

I lived on a swingers' estate when I was a young married

There,are estates full of swingers?
Where are these estates?

JaneEyre70 · 05/05/2017 16:13

I'd just be honest - get DH to send a text saying "very interesting conversation about your new hobby and all that but just to let you know it's really not our thing and is never going to be so perhaps we can agree to never mention it again in front of each other" and a smiley face.
If they are genuine friends, they will respect that.

But I'd possibly avoid any evenings where alcohol was involved .

SymphonyofShadows · 05/05/2017 16:24

I wouldn't be letting my children play there until I'd swept the place with a blacklight. I've watched CSI

RebelRogue · 05/05/2017 16:46

He's a fucking creep.
What he was saying "I'll offer up my wife as reward if you let me shag yours", with none of the women involved being present are having a chance to agree/disagree in any way,no consideration for them at all,just for the ALL MIGHTY penis and where it could go.I doubt his wife fancies ALL of his mates and really wouldn't mind whichever one would turn up all cocked and ready to aim.
He sees women as property. Something to be shared,taken and whatever at will by the men in their lives. Tbh I'd be worried for his wife.

TheElephantofSurprise · 05/05/2017 18:26

There,are estates full of swingers?
There were, I don't know about today. Back in the day, young couples could marry, buy a house on a new build estate, have a few dcs then find themselves 30+ with no spare money and not enough babysitters to go round. They'd been with their spouses for a number of years... bored... short of money... want to have fun... turn to the neighbours... keys in a bowl. Its so hard to get on the property ladder now, it might not happen. I was of an age then to think 30+ was 'middle age'. Now, I see that as late childhood... oh, a friend of mine moved house recently and was informed that all the neighbours swing...they're older, though, probably the same age as the ones I knew... they've probably 'swung' for about forty years... urgh!

Original poster

smileygrapefruit · 05/05/2017 19:28

Jane might try to persuade dh to send something along those lines, thank you.

Rebel I don't think he is a fucking creep. By the sounds of it he got pissed and a bit excited about his new hobby! Also, from what I've heard today the wife is very much in on it and it's not always swapping couples...apparently one time he's just brought a guy back and left them to it!

Rebel ewww don't fancy being a fly on those walls!

OP posts:

Nanna50 · 06/05/2017 17:58

Fucking hell we've got pampas grass, wind chimes, wicker hearts and a lovely hand made dish on the hall table where we drop our keys so we know where they are!! Apparently it's all going on in our house ... not.

OP just say you're not going and if they ask why tell the truth, you're not interested in swinging, you don't want to listen to swingers chat and you don't want to feel like bait sat on their sofa ...

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 06/05/2017 17:59

swingers do have friends that they don't want to swing with, in fact they do have friends that don't even know what they do in their own time elsewhere. decide if you like them as friends and tell them to stop if they give any indication that they want to include you in their 'hobby' its that simple, unless of course you judge them and don't want to have friends that have such a 'hobby'

Nanna50 · 06/05/2017 18:16

I think 'Dave' has already indicated that he would like to include them in his hobby. The OP hasn't judged anyone really, perhaps her OH just doesn't want to spend the evening being asked to shag someone else's wife.

morningconstitutional2017 · 06/05/2017 18:20

I think I'd either make my excuses or simply not bother turning up - the reason should be obvious. I've always dreaded friendships turning into this sort of thing.

SuperSheepdog · 06/05/2017 18:21

So wicker hearts means swingers?! This explains a lot about my old neighbour who had one on her door and a lot of comings and goings

sprot · 06/05/2017 18:23

Omg,I have a wicker heart in every window in my house,except my bedroom window which is a heart with love written on,all,purely innocent,do I need to remove all said items

Sparklyglitter · 06/05/2017 18:26

Yea don't think I'd be keen on going! Each to their own and wouldn't bother me if good friends talked about it - but I really draw the line at things like this being pushed on people who aren't interested!!!

IJustLostTheGame · 06/05/2017 18:33

Next time you go round spend all night trying to sell them glittery Facebook shit or aloe vera crap.
They won't bother you again.

Emmageddon · 06/05/2017 18:40

When I was first married, DH and I were invited for dinner and to watch a film round at a relatively new friend's house.

The dinner was lovely, the host and hostess very friendly, so were the other couple there, but then the curtains were closed and the film started. It was proper hardcore porn.

This was before the days of mobile phones, so no chance of a fake emergency call - so we suddenly had to remember we'd forgotten to lock the backdoor (or something equally unbelievable) and legged it.

That was the end of a beautiful friendship.

Original poster

smileygrapefruit · 06/05/2017 18:40

IJust the wife tried to recruit me for Forever Living

OP posts:

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