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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About when he can have the baby..

77 replies

Silvermockingbird · 04/05/2017 19:38

Basically me and my "dp" are splitting up, we have a 6 month old and he is saying he wants her all weekend every weekend and to be able to take her out for the day through the week now and again. I have absolutely no problem with this WHEN she is older.. I am currently breastfeeding she has never took a bottle or a dummy even though we have tried, she will only sleep if it is next to me in bed, and we have tried her with a few solids but she keeps pushing all the the food out so the HV suggested wait a little while and try again. So she is all on boob.

Now ex dp is saying on the weekends he has her he will give her formula in a bottle then she can go back to breastfeeding when I have her. I have told him as she has acid reflux also this will be upsetting on her tummy switching so dramatically like that.

I have suggested that he can have her as much as he wants though the day time so I can express enough milk for him to take, until she is more dependant and on food and sleeping on her own.. aparantly this isn't good enough and if I don't agree to his terms he will take her regardless and try go for full custody..

Opinions?

OP posts:

DoItTooJulia · 04/05/2017 19:41

All Weekend? Every weekend? Let him go for custody-he would be unlikely to get that, surely it would be more like eow plus a weeknight-and possibly only once she was weaned.

Get some proper legal advice pronto.

KindergartenKop · 04/05/2017 19:44

No judge is going to give him full custody when the child is cared for by you and is breast fed. He's being a dick.

inniu · 04/05/2017 19:44

Does he look after her by himself much now? Is he likely to actually want her for a full weekend if he gets the opportunity or is 48 hours of an unsettled baby who won't take a bottle and won't sleep likely to change his mind?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 04/05/2017 19:44

Tell him you will see him in court. And mean it. He hasn't got your dc best interests at heart here.
He is trying to bully you at her expense.
At this time she physically need you. He will need to accept that. . Let a judge tell him. The arrogant fucker.

kaytee87 · 04/05/2017 19:44

I'd let him take you to court. Sounds like an arsehole.

MovingtoParadise · 04/05/2017 19:45

No judge will separate a six month old who is exclusively breastfeeding.

He will get a couple of hours at a time, maybe every day if he requests it. But away from the boobs? Nope.

scurryfunge · 04/05/2017 19:45

Goodness, what a controlling idiot. You have provided enough solutions to his imaginary issues. I do not have any great advice as I am so angry on your behalf. Another poster will give some good advice undoubtedly.

NapoleonsNose · 04/05/2017 19:47

Can see why he's your ex-DP! What a dick. No judge in the land would let an exclusively BF baby away from its Mum for 48 hours. Even if they did, he wouldn't last 2 hours, let alone 2 days with a hungry, fractious baby who only wants boob.

MovingtoParadise · 04/05/2017 19:47

You also say he will 'just take her'. You need to get somewhere safe so he can't do that.

That threat is enough for me to leave and not let him see the baby until he's been to court and got it settled.

Right now he could just take her, you need to prevent that.

Firenight · 04/05/2017 19:47

Just no. That is not in the best interests of the baby.

You should reach a point in the next few months when she will increase her solids and be able to manage a day apart from you (although you might need to pump). But overnights I wouldn't expect until 2 or night weaned and even that she might not be happy with.

Keep breastfeeding and see the selfish idiot in court.

HeyCat · 04/05/2017 19:47

A court is very unlikely to give him any overnights at this stage. They're not going to separate a breastfed baby from the mother.

Tell him you don't agree to his suggestions. You will facilitate contact for a couple of hours at a time (supervised be you or somebody you trust if you're concerned he'll try to take her), and will facilitate more contact once she's older.

For now if he really wants more he can go to court.

WellErrr · 04/05/2017 19:47

I can see why you're splitting up, he sounds a right twat.

You're completely in the right. I'd email it to him or something so it's in writing, all reasonable, and invite him to go to court if he chooses.

Knobhead.

Shedmicehugh · 04/05/2017 19:48

Sounds like he is just trying to be awkward. He can't have her all weekend while you're breastfeeding.

What makes him think he will get full custody?!

AppleMagic · 04/05/2017 19:49

The fact that he doesn't understand why his suggestion won't work shows exactly how much interest in her day-to-day care he is currently taking doesn't it!

MrsDustyBusty · 04/05/2017 19:50

He wants to bottle feed her all weekend? That seems like a realistic and practical solution to him?

Footle · 04/05/2017 19:52

You will not ever want him to have her for the whole of every weekend - well
maybe if she's a really difficult 14yr old...

Oldraver · 04/05/2017 19:52

Full custody of a breastfed any baby ? What's he on ?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/05/2017 19:52

I can't think why he's an ex? I mean, he sounds lovely.

Just say 'No, she is breastfed and cannot be switched on & off like a toy. Do you not care about your daughter's health, happiness and comfort?' If he says about keeping her & going for custody (it hasn't been custody for a long time now) then tell him to do his best, the police & courts won't think much of him that's for sure.

TheWhiteRoseOfYork · 04/05/2017 20:02

Does he not think that you might like a weekend with her as well? That is why it is usually EOW. And what is with the 'take her regardless'. That sounds very worrying, can you get someone to be with you at the weekends in case he tries to intimidate you into letting her go with him.

Original poster

Silvermockingbird · 04/05/2017 20:06

He even admits he probably won't get full custody because I'm her mother and he hasn't got anything against me or anything.. but I don't doubt he will keep her until I can get a family court appearance.. I've looked it up and aparantly the police can't do anything about a father taking the child and you just have to wait until you can get a court appearance.. im terrified about being away from her all this time! We had a split up a few months ago (we got back together) and he just snatched her out my arms and drove off. I had to beg and plead for him to bring her back and eventually he did.. i just feel very trapped at the moment and feel if I don't agree i might not see her at all for however long it will take to get to court.

OP posts:

lalalalyra · 04/05/2017 20:08

He'll take her regardless? If you genuinely fear that then you need to get a legal agreement in place and sharpish.

He can want her all weekend, every weekend if he wants, but you are also entitled to weekend time with her. She won't always be 6 months. There will be a time when she's at school and/or you are working and you'll need/want quality weekend time with her as well.

I'd be getting legal advice tomorrow and if you think he would just take her and not return her he wouldn't be getting her this weekend. She's not yours solely, but she's also not his solely and to just change her from BF to bottle like that in one day would be cruel and unnecessary.

lalalalyra · 04/05/2017 20:10

Given your last post (I cross posted) - you need to get legal advice tomorrow, and if I were you I'd stay with a friend or relative for the weekend if he threatens to take her given his history.

kaytee87 · 04/05/2017 20:10

silver you need to either go and stay with a family member (preferably one he doesn't know where they live) or contact woman's aid. You could also speak to the police, explain the situation that's he's at risk of snatching the baby, baby is breastfed and bottle refuses. Ask for their advice.
Don't let him have access if you think he will not return her.

beachbaby18 · 04/05/2017 20:11

I think the law states that breastfed babies do not have to stay overnight with the dad until over the age of two or that is what I was told by a solicitor.

awesomeness · 04/05/2017 20:13

So hes tried to take her before.

You need legal representation now!

Ive been in this position several years ago. Get it now.

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