About dh's 'lie'

[MissEliza]

I'll try not to give too long a background story. Dh and I have been together for almost 25 years. He isn't British and I don't live close to my family. He travels a LOT for work . Both sets of parents come to visit a couple of times a year and his tend to stay for quite a while. Dh usually goes back home once a year in addition to the times we go as a family (at least once a year). On top of all this, he and his friends get together for a boys weekend every 3 to 4 months. They are religious about this and their WhatsApp group is actually called 'Boyz Weekend'.
After several years of this lifestyle, I'm getting tired of it. I feel we don't get much normal family time or couple time. For example, there was a three week period in March when we spent three days together. Last month, he went back to his home country for a week and squeezed in a fishing trip with his mates for a couple of days. When he came back from this trip, he informed me he'd have to go to a certain city in Europe for a couple of days for meetings. I was a bit surprised because I'm used to his pattern of travel and he's never had to go to this city for work before. However he and and his friends like going there for boys' weekends. When he returned he seemed in a very good mood but hungover. He said there'd been a big night out for work. I

It's cut off but I'm assuming he went with his "boyz"?

This has cut off your post but I think I've got the idea. Do you believe nothing dodgy goes on on all these 'boys' weekends? Do you go on any girls' weekends?

Seems like some of your post is missing.

Have you told him how you feel? You're obviously not saying don't go out but make time for his family .

Aaah! Pressed too soon!!
To cut a long story short(!) I got suspicious and on Monday I checked his phone. It was wrong, I know. But I found out he had met his friends in that city and they'd had lots of fun according to the WhatsApp messages. I couldn't find any evidence of any meetings. I told him what I'd done and that I knew he'd been with his friends. After a couple of hours of denial, he admitted it. However he said he really did have a meeting and by chance, his friends were there. He said he didn't tell me because he knew I'd complain about him parting with his friends and he didn't want the hassle. He now says he's sorry and he'll do anything to make it up to me. I'm actually sick of hearing him apologise.
AIBU but is this shitty behaviour in a marriage? He gets plenty of boys weekends IMO and I certainly wouldn't stopped him anyway. And yes, he does have form for lying.

It's shitty.

He's a dick, he has all the fun and you get scraps.
He needs to commit to you as much as he does his boyz.

'By chance, his friends were there' in the city where he happened to have a meeting? I would be furious at him treating me like an idiot by telling such a crap story. He's taking you for a mug with all these trips.

The story is so crap, it's laughable. I reckon one of his friends actually and work there and when they were on their fishing trip, they discussed new

He doesn't want to be a family man does he

Not again! They discussed meeting up and he decided to say it was work because even he couldn't justify two boys trips in three weeks. He always likes to make out he's deprived because he lives in a foreign country, but he has a solid circle of friends here and has regular nights out with them. I don't know what bothers me more, the lying or the need to get away with the boys so frequently.
Btw he is insisting he had meetings during the day but that doesn't make sense. He has never been there for work before, only pleasure.

How old is he? He definitely acts like a boy...

Sounds like a lying, immature cunt to me.

Domyou have any dcs together and what happens when he is going away on his own like this? Are you the one that is always at home to keep everything running whilst he is having fun??

I would ask him upfront, with numbers in hands (only 3 days together in one month), if he has any issue spending time with you. Also that actions talk louder than words and that, atm, his actions say he isn't happy spending time with you when he should WANT to spent time with his family.

See what he says.

Early 40s...They do act like they are still in university some times.

there wee no meetings. It was another 'boyz' jolly. He must think your head buttons up the back.

*were

He is lying re the meetings.

This would be a major issue for me too.
Because yes it's hard to explain two holidays like this in 3 weeks. And getting ar ound the issue by lying would not sit well with me.

He needs to grow up at the very least.

We have 3dcs (two teenagers and one 8 year old). Yes, I am really stretched when he's not around, which he knows.

He wants to make it up to me by taking me away for the weekend when his parents are here in a couple of weeks. Much as I'd like to avoid the ILs, I don't want to spend any time with him either. I don't want to fight, I just can't get past this.

He needs to decide if he's married to you or the boyz.

You sound like his nanny - looking after the dc and running the home.
Fuck that.
Time you got yourself a life. .

Tell him that. Tell him you'd rather go away alone or with a friend than with him, because of the way he's made you feel.

You don't have to go along with his plans just to make him feel better for lying to you and pissing off on another jolly.

IMO your 'D'H is showing you through his actions that he is the most important person in this life- not you and not his DC. Yes we can all use some 'me time' in our lives but not the way he is engineering his- he is selfish and he gives not one feck about how his actions affect his family. What do you want?

Well firstly if he was going to make it up to me it wouldn't be by giving him another child free weekend away, I'd be going with my friends and leaving him at home!

Sorry but it really doesn't sound like you have much of a marriage, seems you barely see each other?
I couldn't live this way & the lying just ups his shitty behaviour to a whole new level of shit tbh.
You say you can't move past this so whatdo you intend to do?